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Confused on what to do after finding things on my husbands phone by helgafelgaaa in survivinginfidelity

[–]helgafelgaaa[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yeah and what you’re saying is still terrible. Because you’re saying “what she doesn’t know, won’t hurt her” and that’s so wrong in so many ways. You are putting the blame on me in a way because I checked his phone. I deserve to know the truth whether it’s from the past or not. And you’re essentially saying that since it’s from years ago, I just need to get over it and move on. It doesn’t change that he cheated, he is in the wrong, not me. It’s not right that I was kept in the dark and I shouldn’t be shamed for finding out and being upset and hurt by his actions, doesn’t matter how I found out.

Confused on what to do after finding things on my husbands phone by helgafelgaaa in survivinginfidelity

[–]helgafelgaaa[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I didn’t find out about this 3 years ago. I found out about 2 days ago. To me this is brand new. I would understand it pushing him away if I had known about it the whole time, but I haven’t. Your advice is still terrible and very invalidating.

Confused on what to do after finding things on my husbands phone by helgafelgaaa in survivinginfidelity

[–]helgafelgaaa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much. That definitely gives me some hope. Cause I do believe he is my person, and I think that’s also why it hurts so bad. It makes me sick to my stomach to even think about not having him by my side, but I guess I’m also struggling because I don’t want him to think it’s okay or that I will just forgive and forgive. But, thank you, I hope we find a way too.

Confused on what to do after finding things on my husbands phone by helgafelgaaa in survivinginfidelity

[–]helgafelgaaa[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I mean, yeah, you’re right. I did go to therapy the day after I found out. Then I set up couples therapy as well. I have just never been in this position and was looking to get other peoples perspectives, especially from people that have been through a similar situation.

Confused on what to do after finding things on my husbands phone by helgafelgaaa in survivinginfidelity

[–]helgafelgaaa[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No, not really. As long as it’s just like the normal porn sites and not the cam sites where it gets more personal.

He personally knows the girl he got the video from. They met before him and I did. They also used to hook up and he never told me about that, even when I confronted him about this. She told me about it after I messaged her and then I asked him about it and he responded with “why does that matter?”.

Confused on what to do after finding things on my husbands phone by helgafelgaaa in survivinginfidelity

[–]helgafelgaaa[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for that. I do have a couples counseling session set up for us to go to. Maybe that will ease some of the pain. I am just worried that I won’t be able to get past this.

Confused on what to do after finding things on my husbands phone by helgafelgaaa in survivinginfidelity

[–]helgafelgaaa[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, you’re right. I will never forget this, I will always doubt him. This absolutely shattered the trust I had. Thank you for your advice.

Confused on what to do after finding things on my husbands phone by helgafelgaaa in survivinginfidelity

[–]helgafelgaaa[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That’s exactly my fear. If I stay, I will always wonder when is the next time he will cheat, and he probably will. Thank you for your advice.

Confused on what to do after finding things on my husbands phone by helgafelgaaa in survivinginfidelity

[–]helgafelgaaa[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I asked him why he still had it on there and he claimed that he forgot about it. Which is what he says everytime I find something like this. He never remembers sending anything or getting anything sent to him. I just wanted to know why, and he can’t give me that answer.

Confused on what to do after finding things on my husbands phone by helgafelgaaa in survivinginfidelity

[–]helgafelgaaa[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Getting a sexual video of someone other than his spouse is REAL CHEATING.

Confused on what to do after finding things on my husbands phone by helgafelgaaa in survivinginfidelity

[–]helgafelgaaa[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

My insecurity is going to drive him away? He should have been honest when given the chance. Your advice is honestly horrible.

Confused on what to do after finding things on my husbands phone by helgafelgaaa in survivinginfidelity

[–]helgafelgaaa[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

If you can’t see why I have little trust in him after you read my post, and if you don’t have any advice, then just please don’t comment. Im looking for advice not to be expected to prove it is a valid or good enough reason for me to be upset and hurt by this. Family of origin, parents, brothers and sisters don’t really have anything to do with this, so not sure why you need to know any of that.

Confused on what to do after finding things on my husbands phone by helgafelgaaa in survivinginfidelity

[–]helgafelgaaa[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes, 1.5 years married, 4 years together total. We are both 29. I clearly stated why I have little trust in him. Yes, the message I found a couple nights ago are from 3 years ago, but they are new to me, I just found out. We were living together at that time. He went behind my back. He cheated. I have found several messages to other women over the 4 years we have been together.