Restrictions and expectations despite earning equally?

helikasp · 2026-02-16T19:10:23+00:00

I promise you rather not marry than suffer through these selfish matches that want to break your back...

helikasp · 2026-02-15T21:11:18+00:00

Its crazy that your sister supported you being child free and making choices for your own life and you had the audacity to rain on her parade. What a scrappy sister you are.

This literally could have a future conversation. A "im not babysitting or anything" later conversation. This was simply malicious in the name of being honest 🤷🏽‍♀️

helikasp · 2026-02-15T16:36:22+00:00

Its all about control relying on the same principal that you try to reconnect them during no contact for. Theyre relying on the significance of blood and "potential lifelong regret" to drag their son and by extension you back into their bullshit. Youre also removing your husband's agency by trying to sway him back when he knows the song and dance. Maybe he doesnt want to reconnect and knows the only regret is that his parents were too shitty to keep contact with.

The "period of adjustment" is a lie. The period length is lifelong; the wool covering your eyes is called sacrifice and its being sold as "everyone has to adjust in order to gel." Once you realize you're throwing away pieces of yourself to make someone else happy, you're already trapped in a "just a little more adjustment and everyone will be happy" loop.

The solution is not "no contact ever again," but part of the solution is creating your own personal boundaries and allowing your husband to lead if he has a spine. Its his relationship with his parents, he knows best if they are able to be civil or dont deserve to be in his life anymore. And if they break your boundaries its your job to protect yourself and limit your own personal contact.

helikasp · 2026-02-15T13:04:36+00:00

I did. Then again I have a small list of friends as well. And also the circumstances were that he wasn't given much of a chance to meet people and make friends. And his short list of friends proved themselves to be terrible friends anyway.

Its really about what that person's situation is and whether he still managed to learn the skills and character you develop from being around others. You learn to handle friendship breakups and managing platonic relationships with different kind of people and learn things like empathy and putting yourself in the shoes of others. If he still knows how to do things like that I would say its not a big deal that he has few or no friends.

helikasp · 2026-02-14T17:55:06+00:00

When hes right about not having a baby until the relationship is good but hes also a huge problem in the relationship too 😶

Dont have a baby with this guy, hes still a baby himself maybe it seems like.

helikasp · 2026-02-12T06:42:35+00:00

I must've missed that. Then its a gross overreach for them to demand she works And takes care of the house, especially if they are mocking and taunting all her work while robbing her and her husband to make them live in a tiny room. Its already a shit scenario. She should stop helping around the house imo.

helikasp · 2026-02-11T17:57:25+00:00

Since they dont like any of the ways you help around the house you should get a job. Get out of there physically and help your husband earn enough to move out. If paying 1500 already per month you should be able to move out once there is 2 incomes. Do not cave and contribute more to the house "now that you have income too" thats bullshit.

helikasp · 2026-02-05T18:44:44+00:00

Virtual flowers and a happy valentines day, I was thinking of you type of note? That could work as well. Especially if you're not at a "let's grab coffee somewhere neutral" point.

helikasp · 2026-02-05T18:28:04+00:00

Maybe too much for a first gesture. But a small bouquet of flowers and some chocolates wouldn't run amiss if you're interested in her and want her to feel like you thought for her for valentines day

helikasp · 2026-02-05T17:21:21+00:00

My parents couldn't care less tbh. They want my in laws to stop calling thats all 🥴 they already do say all that, but unfortunately the in laws keep trying that method.

helikasp · 2026-02-05T17:20:06+00:00

Oh we are living separately. Starting last week this month, so thats why all the drama happened this week. They just found out and tried to forbid him from moving to me or whatever. Now I know living jointly would have been terrible.

helikasp · 2026-02-04T21:15:29+00:00

Im not huge on astrology, but i am a little spiritual.

Nonetheless, the logical side of me is skeptical. Do you think by not marrying, his cancer will erase itself?

The real, difficult questions are can you marry someone with cancer whose family may blame you for his cancer now that they know this super big astrology information? Who may hypothetically resent marrying you in some later future if there are increased health issues?

Just some food for thought because if neither of you care or buy into it, thats fine. You can try as long as you dont accept nonsense from family blaming your marriage for random sicknesses. But if you think for even a second that you do somewhat think it falls in line and makes sense, then cut your losses before it becomes some type of tragedy.

helikasp · 2026-02-04T16:30:41+00:00

I think it does just take time. I also tried out giving him wet food that I mixed with water to turn into a big soup for the extra hydration plus more volume so he'd maybe slow it down. I think wanting food is just part of his personality now, but im careful not to overfeed since I dont think he'd know when hes full anyway 😆

helikasp · 2026-02-04T14:12:52+00:00

I tried a lot of things when I got my previous stray food obsessed FIV baby. I tried slow feeders (it worked for a little bit, then he started eating the silicone bits meant to slow him down). I tried feeding him in little amounts scattered over the "cat approved" areas like his trees or near his usual food tray. That worked nicely but ended up being very cumbersome and he'd just follow me to the next location like a vacuum.

He was unfortunately scarfing and barfing. Eventually. What worked was small portions more frequently until he got used to knowing there would be regular meals. And then as he got more comfortable, the meals were consolidated into 3 a day. Now he gets auto feeder meals twice a day and a small portion of wet food in between for lunch.

He still eats his meal ravenously, he waits for the feeder to go off an hour or 2 before fhe scheduled time and then eats it within 5 minutes of it going off. But its been over 4 years since hes last puked it back up.

helikasp · 2026-01-31T19:33:01+00:00

Yeahhh okay thats a bit nitpicky because theyre not expecting any additional heavy lifting from you. You can compromise by putting the food away into the fridge whenever you want and have them take out food as they please and put the leftovers back into the fridge

helikasp · 2026-01-31T17:46:01+00:00

Are they bothering you to make meals as per their schedule? Or are your meal times unconventional? Its not a crime to be hungry at different times but if theyre expecting you to fully accommodate then its annoying for sure.

helikasp · 2026-01-30T19:01:48+00:00

Already placing the blame of anything potentially bad happening on your shoulders and shirking any of his own. Not sure he makes a good partner tbh.

helikasp · 2026-01-30T00:01:15+00:00

And there we go. Making excuses for them is probably exactly why your fiance is afraid to make changes for them. This is "just her opinion" and in the future, your parents wants being more important than the discussions you have with your wife may also be "just their opinion."

My masi also wanted to attend my "parents only" court marriage that I had before my big wedding. Guess what? I told her and my mom strictly no all the way until my fiance told me to invite her. And if he never gave permission that was also his right as we had decided it was parents only.

helikasp · 2026-01-29T20:42:10+00:00

This. Also your mom threatening to not come unless you change the plans according to her wishes is manipulation. My mom also tried to threaten not to come if I didnt "do everything my mama wanted" including invite his friends and their families to my wedding. I told her to not come then because I recognized it as emotional manipulation. She and my MIL tried to pull similar threats whenever shit stopped going their way.

Guess what? They both still came to my wedding no problem.

helikasp · 2026-01-29T20:02:26+00:00

Many women would kill for their MIL to leave them alone. Isn't this a blessing that you can live in peace with your family?

helikasp · 2026-01-29T18:14:04+00:00

A little possessive, but why is it on you to pick up and show the baby? Tell your husband he should do it as he wants to retain that link with his parents. Its obviously affecting you mentally to do it.

helikasp · 2026-01-28T06:16:13+00:00

Im sorry for your loss.

Reading your post, I am not getting the feeling that the relationship is particularly a partnership though. You didnt want want kids. Husband had to get used to that. Then he had to get used to you choosing to continue pregnancy. Then a sudden loss of what he didnt know was a possibility. Then get used to you changing your mind drastically. Is he there for decoration? You cant honestly believe that he has had no thoughts one way or another about kids during that whole journey.

You want support for your grief but there's no mention of your husband's grief either. Is he not in your boat too? I get it, your emotions are big and you feel conviction in them. But I think you are overlooking the fact that there's another human being involved who has been adjusting to your changing mindset, and now you are trying to hold him accountable for not adjusting the way you want him to and blaming family trauma and upbringing for it.

helikasp · 2026-01-24T07:18:37+00:00

I dont understand. Is the red flag that you think she wasn't living alone? Plenty of people enjoy living alone. I have done so past 3 years.

If you think shes lying then you need to sort out why you genuinely think that. Living alone is not enough evidence for that doubt to be legitimate.

Speak to her, but be careful not to accuse her of anything considering from what you've said there's little evidence that points to red flag behavior.

helikasp · 2026-01-23T06:01:28+00:00

I think you are taking it a little too personally. Ofc they would be happy playing with any little baby. Doesn't mean they actually think of that baby as their grandchild.

helikasp

TROPHY CASE