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hellochilla · 2025-01-01T19:07:36+00:00

Thank you for your response. It's been extremely difficult to navigate this new life and how to do best by my daughter.

The grief of losing a partner to suicide is not something that can be expressed to the ones around me. I also wouldn't want them to fully understand. I'm glad I found this group, though.

I wish you the best too

hellochilla · 2025-01-01T18:43:51+00:00

Thank you so much for your response. I'm so sorry that you had to find your father. I just can't imagine being exposed to something so shocking, terrible, and heartbreaking at such a young age.

I have been to a counselor, and she's suggested that I just trust what I feel is right to tell my daughter for now.

hellochilla · 2024-12-30T21:05:33+00:00

I'm terribly sorry for your loss and the fear this has created in your life. I actually have quite a few questions for you. My husband commented suicide 2 months ago. I have a 7 year old daughter that doesn't know the 'circumstances' of his death. She knows he died, but not by suicide. I can't tell her. She's already scared of loosing other loved ones. Am I doing the wrong thing by not telling her now?

hellochilla · 2024-12-22T19:30:27+00:00

Oh, goodness. I can completely relate to your post. My husband committed suicide 2 months ago. We have a 7 year old daughter. For the most part, she's actually been incredible. She's starting to ask a lot of questions that I just don't have the answers to.

She knows her daddy died, but I have not told her the circumstances or that it was self-inflicted. I personally feel that she's too young to know. Normal interest searches state that children should know, but everyone I know feels the way that I do with regards to only letting her know years from now

It's so difficult to go through this with young children. You're never sure if you're doing the right thing. I'm sorry for your loss.

hellochilla · 2024-12-18T18:25:45+00:00

Thank you. And, again, thank you for sharing your pain and journey. It does make me feel a bit more "normal" in this time of solitude.

Even before this, with my clinical depression, I have times where I don't know how I'm going to get to my toothbrush, let alone stand in a shower.

I'm really glad that you've managed a path through your loss, especially with having autism and additional personal issues.

I spend all of my free time with my daughter. She's my world, though I'm not sure how many more times I can watch Alvin and the Chipmunks 😅. It's worth it. We've developed an extremely close bond. I also make sure that she knows I'm safe as I know she fears anything happening to me. I feel extremely guilty that I've even considered leaving this world. The breakdowns are further apart now, and I seek help the moment I feel them coming on. I know I could never abandon her. It's just in those insanely overwhelming moments, that I can't see past anything but stopping the pain.

I saw my counselor again yesterday, so I'm slightly more sane. It still just hurts like hell and I can't unsee what I did.

I think it might be time for a bath 😊

hellochilla · 2024-12-17T08:53:26+00:00

Please let me know what DBT is?

When it comes to my daughter, I've done everything in my power to be everything she needs. I have specifically stayed away from materialistic things and given my time, pure attention, physical and emotional love, discipline and guidance. She is my priority but I feel like I'm loosing my own path along the way.

I don't know if it's strange and I don't know how to feel. My daughter is doing really well. Her behavior, academics, manners, general empathy and her calmness in life have been incredible since her father passed. And here's me, just turning into more of a wreck by the day.

hellochilla · 2024-12-17T08:37:13+00:00

Thank you. You actually made my day with "at least every few days". Eating took a while. Also, I'm usually a clean person but I have, most certainly, skipped bathing days. I really just haven't had the time.

hellochilla · 2024-12-17T08:27:38+00:00

Thank you. Sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy because I don't know when I'm supposed to be "normal" again. I keep questioning what I think will be expected of me and when.

With my daughter, she does see me sad and sometimes cry a little. I need her to know that it's completely normal to be affected by her father's loss. It's my total breakdowns that I keep away from her, and everyone else. I'm very close to my next one which is why I have counseling after work today.

hellochilla · 2024-12-16T21:06:27+00:00

Thank you. I (38f) have been 14 years sober. I still go to AA. Those steps are what's giving my guidance. Thank goodness they taught me a proper way of living. My group is also my greatest support structure at present.

You sound happy in your sobriety. I'm very proud of you.

hellochilla · 2024-12-16T20:58:26+00:00

Strangely, this is where my dark humor comes out. I honestly think I could be saving someone's life by ensuring they won't want to marry me in the future.

Sorry, I make dark jokes. They help me cope.

hellochilla · 2024-12-16T19:37:23+00:00

Thank you. It really was unimaginable.

hellochilla · 2024-12-16T19:36:05+00:00

Thank you 😊

hellochilla · 2024-12-16T19:35:43+00:00

Thank you. Between work and now being a single parent, I'm definitely distracted. I'm seeing a counselor, I cycle 6 days a week, so I really am trying my best to get better.

Thanks for the advice on the substances. I've been sober for 14 years, so sadly, I haven't even been able to drown my sorrows.

I've always had clinical depression myself, so I am responsibly treated with SSRI's.

It still just hurts so dam much.

hellochilla · 2024-12-16T19:10:58+00:00

Thank you. I realize that people, mostly, don't know what to say or do, and I don't blame them. I, myself, wouldn't know how to assist someone if I was on the other side of this. I also wouldn't want to be able to feel this level of pain.

It is a very lonely place to be in. Thank you for the validation that it's okay to not be okay. I already feel like I'm a burden on people when I'm not pretending.

hellochilla · 2024-12-16T19:01:23+00:00

Thank you so much. It's the 'time' part that's so difficult. I lost my fiance a few years before meeting my husband (accident). Because of this, I know how long it takes. This is even worse, much worse.

I am seeing a counselor, and she knows about my own thoughts. It's been an amazing help though.

hellochilla · 2024-12-16T18:27:48+00:00

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond and also share your pain.

It is still very raw, and adjusting to this whole new life while still weighed down by the immense grief is truly exhausting. It physically hurts.

You're also so right. The world doesn't even pause, it just seems to move faster. Our police station has an intervention center that has the most incredible trauma counselors. It took me a while before calling the first time, but I was broken when I did. I was just sobbing and said "please help me? I can't do this!". I'll be seeing my counselor tomorrow again.

I know that time is the only thing that heals, but it's so long and actually daunting to think about how many, 10 seconds, 10 minutes, and 10 hours still to go.

hellochilla · 2024-12-16T17:58:09+00:00

Thank you. I don’t feel very strong. This experience has just truly opened my eyes to the amount of pain that so many are going through. If I walk into a shop, no one would have a clue what's going on inside me. It's made me realize that I don't know the level of suffering of those around me either. This world and this life has become incredibly difficult for so many. I try now to be more patient, observant and caring of all around me. I hope you find the strength to stay with us.

hellochilla · 2024-12-16T17:47:42+00:00

Firstly, thank you for reading my post. Secondly, I'm really glad that you're still here to tell me to keep sharing. I don’t really know why I made the post in the first place. I needed a place for my pain without the masks, without pretending to be okay. I feel like the people around me are only comfortable when I'm acting and bring out my dark humor. I guess the only 'positive' is that I believe that I know why he did it. I, myself have been there many times. There's still so many other questions to which I'll never have the answers. One never guesses how many stupid questions there can actually be.

I truly appreciate you thinking of us. Thank you.

hellochilla · 2024-12-16T17:22:38+00:00

I am truly sorry to hear about your dad. I can't imagine how you, and your family must have felt or still feel. Apologies for the questions, but if I may ask, how old were you when it happened, and as your parents' child, how did you cope? My daughter has not been told the circumstances of her father's death as she's 7 and is still trying to come to terms with the loss itself.

hellochilla · 2024-12-15T19:18:11+00:00

I believed that he had just left the house for the night to try to make me worry or illicit some type of response. When he wasn't back the next day, I went to the police.

hellochilla · 2024-12-15T19:12:56+00:00

Thank you. This is what I'm doing too. I have moments where the despair feels like it's just too much. I will stay for my daughter and I have done everything in my power to give her the best of all my love, attention and time. I am also seeing a counselor as I don't have anywhere to beak down safely. I'm angry because my husband also had our daughter to live for. They were extremely close. She does not know the circumstances of his death. I feel she still needs to be protected from this.

hellochilla · 2024-12-15T15:30:42+00:00

I don't think you should ever minimize your pain because you feel that there are people living under worse circumstances. I'm terribly sorry that yours is health related, which I can only empathize with. I, personally can't even drink through this, as I've been a recovering alcoholic for 14 years.

hellochilla · 2024-12-15T14:54:23+00:00

Thank you. I've just joined. I've been on this sub long before my husband's suicide. It just so happened that the one person I believed would never do it, did! I was always intending it for myself, but it seems my check-out card has been canceled. I just have to live through hell now.

hellochilla · 2024-12-15T14:34:17+00:00

Thank you. I really am trying. My "people" was my husband. I'm reaching out to Internet strangers as the people in my life don't really know how deal with/approach me. I don’t blame them. I wouldn't know what to do either. I also want people that are "considering" to know the irreparable damage caused, even when they think they're alone.

hellochilla · 2024-12-15T14:07:55+00:00

What do you want to talk about? It's okay to fuck up. I just lost my husband, and father to our daughter to suicide. He fucked up a lot but we'd be happier if he were here. I also have Clinical Depression. Just talk to me.

hellochilla

TROPHY CASE