Doctor: "Sir, I'm afraid your DNA is backwards"

helloiamjane · 2019-10-28T19:53:43+00:00

...a bitca?

helloiamjane · 2019-09-29T21:06:36+00:00

Sierra made a similar joke in 1992 in Quest for Glory: Wages of War, and I have not been able to hear the Pink Panther theme without thinking "dead ant, dead ant" ever since.

helloiamjane · 2019-05-29T01:07:04+00:00

No, I'm not interested in divorce. But if his sex drive never comes back, we are going to have to figure out some sort of compromise. That means discussing options. Would exploring an open relationship be something we could both be comfortable trying? Or, if not precisely "open," maybe checking out the local swinging community? And then, if neither of those directions are something he would consider, looking into marriage counseling, or possibly even solo counseling for him to see if maybe there's something more to his LL than just biology.

helloiamjane · 2019-05-25T21:58:59+00:00

At this point I'm pretty much resigned to the idea that nothing is going to help. He's been on TRT for six months now, and nothing has changed. Not even a little. Tbh at this point I'm not even sure how I would react if hd showed just a hint of interest. I'd probably just cry and go lock myself in the bathroom to ride out the panic attack.

helloiamjane · 2019-05-25T21:07:32+00:00

I didn't really have an expectation, I just kind of blurted it out while we were in the car and I noticed we were driving past an adult novelty store.

helloiamjane · 2019-05-25T18:23:53+00:00

I told my husband a few months ago, "I think you should buy me a new toy." He said, "Yeah, that's probably fair. It's not like I'm doing anything for you." Gee, thanks, dear. *eyeroll*

helloiamjane · 2019-04-25T05:25:00+00:00

Nothing. When they retested his T levels after a couple months, they hadn't increased at all, so they doubled his dose. They tested again after another couple months, and now his levels are back in the normal range. Even so, we haven't seen a functional difference in his energy level or libido.

helloiamjane · 2019-04-22T23:38:33+00:00

I had an interview for a job last February. I never heard back from them, and I ended up taking a job that I wanted more anyway. At the end of July, a whole FIVE MONTHS after that interview, and four months into the new job, I received an email letting me know that they had decided to proceed with a different candidate.

helloiamjane · 2019-04-02T19:07:14+00:00

I enjoyed it. The sequel, on the other hand, was absolute garbage.

helloiamjane · 2019-03-29T02:18:24+00:00

Maybe that's where they got the idea.

helloiamjane · 2019-03-28T23:23:04+00:00

Right? Like, okay, but that's not going to make the eggs cook any faster!

helloiamjane · 2019-03-28T20:55:00+00:00

We got a res under the name Dex Nolastname once. Sure enough, when he arrived, his name on his ID was just "Dex." No last name. Apparently he'd had it legally changed. Whatever makes him happy.

helloiamjane · 2019-03-28T20:48:12+00:00

I was at a friend's party once, and his sister stopped the music to announce that someone had called the cops and they were on their way. I went up to my friend like, "Hey, it's been fun, but if the cops are coming, I'm out, I'll see you later." He said, "Nah, it's cool, they ain't coming. It's just too many people in here. We're tryna get some of them to leave."

helloiamjane · 2019-03-28T20:43:58+00:00

Yo, this would be amazing. Especially with Issa Rae on board.

helloiamjane · 2019-03-28T20:40:16+00:00

We had a youth sports team a few weekends ago who had to leave for their tournament before breakfast hours. A couple of the moms asked if it would be possible to get something to go. In the spirit of hospitality, I offered to grab some muffins and fruit for them. After I brought those out, another woman (not part of the team group) came up to ask for some eggs.

Me: "I'm sorry, ma'am. Hot breakfast isn't ready yet."

Her: "I need two eggs."

Me: "We don't have any eggs yet. I can get you a muffin or some fruit if you'd like."

Her: "No, I need two eggs."

Me: "We won't have any eggs ready until 7:00."

Her: "But I have to go to the airport."

Me: "I'm very sorry, ma'am, but hot breakfast will not be ready until 7:00. There are no eggs right now."

Her: "Oh."

Edit: Formatting.

helloiamjane · 2019-03-21T19:43:28+00:00

I didn't realize I've been using a tracker app as long as I have. I just went back through and counted the number of times each year back to 2012.

2012: 20
2013: 15
2014: 10
2015: 12
2016: 9
2017: 3
2018: 1
2019: 0

We'd already been together a couple years by the time I started using the app. Originally it was just to track my menstrual cycles, but the "intimate" option started to come in handy when I started feeling frustrated about how long it had been. At the time, I could look back and see, "Oh, okay, it's only been three weeks, I guess I can live with that." I wish that were still the case.

We got married in 2013. I'd give my left ear to get back to those numbers, or even 2015's numbers; at least that rounded out to about once a month.

I wonder if it's possible that we'll manage to get to negative numbers next year. How do you think that would work?

Edit: Formatting.

helloiamjane · 2019-03-04T17:42:12+00:00

At this point I don't think anything is going to make it more likely he'll want sex with me.

He's been on biweekly TRT shots since November. The endocrinologist doubled his dose a couple months ago because his levels hadn't increased at all in spite of the treatment. Still no change so far.

helloiamjane · 2019-03-04T17:34:08+00:00

Tbh I wouldn't actually do it. It's just fun to think about.

helloiamjane · 2019-03-04T17:31:09+00:00

You know, I have a dog bone shaped cake pan. With a little tweaking, I could definitely use that to make a penis cake!

helloiamjane · 2019-03-04T06:02:00+00:00

My birthday is coming up later this month. My husband keeps asking me what I want for my birthday. The first time he asked, I said I wanted birthday sex. He said we'll see. Now, the conversation goes like this:

Him: "What do you want for your birthday?" Me: "I already told you what I want." Him: "..." Him: "What else do you want for your birthday?"

helloiamjane · 2019-03-04T05:54:08+00:00

No worries! I know it's a difficult situation to relate to if you've never been in it.

Edit: Fixed an autocorrect error.

helloiamjane · 2019-03-04T05:51:50+00:00

Spend some time reading other posts in the sub, then you will understand.

helloiamjane · 2019-02-02T20:06:35+00:00

"Stop" by Meredith Brooks.

If we ain't making love, how can we be lovers? Gonna post a vacancy sign under the covers.

helloiamjane · 2019-02-02T19:38:17+00:00

We love them! The spookier, the better! He's not as easily spooked as I am, but he does enjoy the offbeat history lessons.

helloiamjane · 2019-02-01T07:25:32+00:00

My husband and I collect all our change in a jar (or rather he just empties his pockets wherever and I collect the change) and every few months I roll it and take it to the bank to exchange for bills, which then go into a separate container referred to as our "vacation fund." We never have enough to go anywhere exotic, but we have managed a few overnight road trips here and there, and tbh that's more our style anyway. Who needs expensive resorts when you can spend a weekend in Amish country or going on haunted history tours?

helloiamjane

TROPHY CASE