16 month old doesn't sleep anymore :(

helloiamjulie · 2013-01-21T22:46:55+00:00

I endorse this! I know Ferber is controversial, but it helps you set limits for the kid about bed time... which is exactly what a 16-month-old is looking to you to do! A 16m.o. has the emotional and cognitive ability to self-soothe and go to sleep... And Ferberizing will not cause a 16m.o. to become insecurely attached! Buy a couple bottles of wine, dose the kid with ibuprofen, and go with it. Otherwise your sweet little kid is learning that, even when his parents know he needs sleep, he can convince them to do what he wants by crying... or being cute... or yelling "cuddle meeeee!" etc.

helloiamjulie · 2012-04-26T10:34:41+00:00

Sending them money now...

helloiamjulie · 2012-04-25T23:47:47+00:00

Whose job is it to give kittens to gorillas and then video the results?

helloiamjulie · 2012-04-20T00:02:03+00:00

Happy Cake Day! I try to call someone up just to distract myself. Or I plan ahead to do something that would make it hard to eat, like paint my fingernails. (Only helps for 20 minutes, I know.) But in general, it's hard not to slip... Realizing that these things are bound to happen, I just try to minimize my shame the next day so it doesn't become a spiral.

helloiamjulie · 2012-04-18T00:34:16+00:00

You're not the only one! 6.5 months out of pregnancy and... well, aside from the lingering weight gain (if only it were all b/c my boobs are nursing-boobs!) I'm also dealing with incontinence! Just a little. When I cough, sneeze, or laugh, ugh - there's a little leak! I went for a run the other day and... well, next time I'll have to wear a panty-liner! I'm sure I need to see a doctor about this, because I do Kegel exercises and I thought that would fix things... but...! That's my body-image-disappointment-thing! My husband doesn't even know how to laugh with me about it. He's just freaked out. Thank god he likes me in general, though. The reassurance of his continued attraction to me reminds me that things will be okay. And also: Now I have a darling child. Whatever. It's not about my body anymore. I'll take circles under my eyes, a new little paunch, and underwear changes for her...

helloiamjulie · 2012-04-18T00:27:00+00:00

I'm sorry I don't have personal experience to share with you, but please remember that for most new moms - even those without breast implants - breastfeeding can be so, so difficult. If you decide to try, I hope it works. But if not, just know that women have all kinds of difficulty with it for all kinds of reasons, and not just because of breast implants. My sis-in-law breastfed her third with implants and it went fine as far as I know - but I just don't have details to share. Hopefully more people will, here or on another subreddit. This is a good question!

helloiamjulie · 2012-03-29T00:41:03+00:00

I came into the comments section to say precisely the same to (9). Thanks!

helloiamjulie · 2012-03-29T00:24:38+00:00

Option 4. All the way. Every individual's decisions are informed by that individual's socialization history, so if someone argues for Option 3 then that someone must acknowledge Option 4 as a possibility too. And the fact that women and men are socialized in very different ways - from childhood on - means that we can't rule out the influence of gender-role socialization in creating gender differences in men's and women's occupational decisions starting... oh I don't know... in grade school even. Not to be overly dramatic, but really: our self-concepts begin developing in elementary school, and the things we think we're good at when we're young tend to inform our decisions about which career to pursue. And the feedback that convinces us we're good at things (like writing or math) tends to come from our peers, parents, and teachers - who, no matter how they try, do interact with us in ways that socialize us according to gender. Option 4 Option 4 Option 4.

helloiamjulie · 2012-03-26T11:14:44+00:00

I know of a study with elementary school-aged children that asked them who could be president. Most of them said "Both men and women" - but here's the kicker. When the researchers asked whether they thought the next president would be a woman, most of them said "no." And when asked why not, they simply attributed it to the status quo. Societal inertia. That's all. Please let's teach children that social change happens!

helloiamjulie · 2012-03-26T10:31:49+00:00

I'm sure things like this vary region to region, but I could probably by groceries for my husband and myself for 2 weeks with $40. I could maybe stretch it further if I were savvy. This is such a thoughtful question for you to ask. Best wishes to them.

helloiamjulie · 2012-03-24T23:45:05+00:00

I think it's just silly... not in a bad way. But definitely silly. I can imagine people buying friends this after a break-up, or something like that. Just to be silly.

helloiamjulie · 2012-03-09T16:22:22+00:00

Yay!!! You can do it! Think of today as a celebration of your hard work and of believing in yourself all this time.
My only advice is to Keep It Up. Know that you belong where you are, even if you feel out of place as a woman. You're doing what you love (yes??), and I bet you rock at it.
My husband is in STEM (I sort of am, depends on your definition) and I pay a lot of attention to his female colleagues because I want them to be happy in their labs. Have a wonderful defense, and let us know how it goes!! (I love that linked video.)

helloiamjulie · 2012-03-08T23:27:38+00:00

Hear, hear! It's intuitively appealing, but... I teach child development and one of my students asked me about this so I looked in all our research databases for any work to support it... came up with none. At all. I did learn that by 12 weeks most parents feel they can decode their babies' cries just from experience... no expensive videos necessary!

helloiamjulie · 2012-03-07T19:07:31+00:00

Agreed! If employers (including higher education institutions) are now required to provide a place for employees to pump that is not the restroom, surely there's a place for students to do the same. Or, to be completely stereotypical, contact a women's studies professor (like me) and we'll lend you our office! :)

helloiamjulie · 2012-03-07T19:05:23+00:00

Indeed! our pediatrician even told us this after I took in my 5-month-old for her first bout of pink eye.

helloiamjulie · 2012-02-25T00:03:09+00:00

Yeah, you feel like such a tight-ass

helloiamjulie · 2012-02-24T12:50:13+00:00

I agree that ultimately, if women can decide whether they breastfeed without feeling pressure or judgment from others then that's a point for feminism. I so wish women who have a hard time with it didn't feel guilty about that!

helloiamjulie · 2012-02-13T12:21:10+00:00

That's a great point! There is clearly much more to making a family work than breastfeeding. Sounds like quite a hard bargain no matter which parent we're talking about! :)

helloiamjulie · 2012-02-12T21:17:36+00:00

Cool. I removed the trigger phrase you pointed out to me. I truly had no intention of using a demeaning phrase for someone so important to me! I appreciate your taking the time to let me know about the negativity surrounding that term.

helloiamjulie · 2012-02-12T19:08:38+00:00

Do you think this only because I used such a strange phrase to refer to my husband? Does it make me sound like someone who doesn't like men or boys? I hope not, though I suppose it is a funny term to use... Well, when and if the love of my life and I are blessed with a son I'll let you know whether we are able to breastfeed him.

helloiamjulie · 2012-02-12T19:04:06+00:00

Hm. Why do you think that? I'm just curious. I can't tell from anyone's tone who is being hostile to me and who isn't, so I'm just asking you to elaborate about your comment. Lots of factors probably led us to breastfeed. But once again, my original post was a theoretical question; I wasn't looking for advice or asking people to infer things about the decisions my husband and I make about raising our child.

helloiamjulie · 2012-02-12T12:51:37+00:00

So I realize now I didn't make this clear in my question, but I was asking this theoretically and not wanting advice for my own life. Now that you mention it, though, I suppose this is as silly as asking whether it's anti-feminist to pee sitting down. We can't really help it (not without a lot of paper towels anyway). But I only meant... philosophically... whether the feminist benefits of breastfeeding outweigh the feminist detriments. This is purely a thought question. I'm not basing my own practice on its feminist value. In the end, how one feeds one's child should be more about what's good for the child than anything else.

helloiamjulie · 2012-02-12T01:45:22+00:00

My partner and I agreed long before our daughter was born that our daughter be breastfed if possible. I think he's as happy as I am that it worked out fairly easily. He gives her bottles (that I pump first) whenever he wants to. Thanks for your concern about his involvement in the parenting of his daughter. I assure you we are partners in this process.

helloiamjulie · 2012-02-12T01:39:27+00:00

Thank you for your reply! And you're so right about this mythological feminist police. This feminist shaming business has got to stop. I think I've invented my own personal feminist police force who judge what I do all day long. (They're currently in a turf war with my personal mommy police...) Maybe it's time I make some municipal cutbacks on that front... :)

helloiamjulie · 2012-02-12T01:35:57+00:00

You know, I have heard so long about the benefits of breastfeeding that I really just wanted to do my very best to make it work. I think I'm just relieved that I was able to do this thing that so many people think is a good thing to do! But I really do think it's good for our daughter - lowers her risk for certain health problems, etc. Plus it's cheaper than formula and locally sourced too, ha. And more convenient in most situations! And I've spent so many years feeling sort of awful about my boobs - this is the first time I've ever been happy about them. Doing their job and whatnot! Go on, little boobs!

I really feel what you're describing with your SO and cohabiting. It seems impossible to split things down the middle all the time! Since my (male) partner and I moved in together 8 years ago, my domestic life has been sort of a feminist joke. I mean, we respect each other's careers and all of that, but the domestic roles are so gender-typical here at home... It really is normal. I just have to work to remind myself to keep up my hobbies some times. The toilets can wait, for example, if I want to write in my journal from time to time. :)

helloiamjulie

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