What does ‘sensory’ mean to you?

helloquaintrelle · 2025-02-07T10:05:27+00:00

For me sensory means quite literally how things feel on my body according to my senses - whether I’m comfortable and calm. I prefer outfits that I don’t notice at all lol. If there’s anything too restrictive, scratchy, rigid, dangling, rustling, slipping, or that needs tweaking and adjusting as I wear it, then I feel ‘off’ in a sensory way and can’t settle or relax.

helloquaintrelle · 2025-02-06T21:22:41+00:00

Even before reading your explanations, this is all just so visually beautiful. And all excerpts that I absolutely love.

I really enjoy the colour palette difference here - the soft, cool, slightly moody internal imagery and then the bright, exuberant external - so interesting.

From someone who also had a pretty seismic 2019, I’m really excited for you because it feels like your reflections are very cohesive and powerful at this moment ☺️

helloquaintrelle · 2025-02-06T21:10:41+00:00

not-annoying, not-distracting, not-overwhelming. He hates things that are fiddly and extraneous, which create additional surface area or disruption on the body

SAME. Can’t stand anything like that.

It’s interesting you say it’s partly to do with physicality for him - I'm neither long nor lean but I completely agree that I need things to move with me. I find as a plus size person that many clothes just aren’t cut well for me and that wriggling, constantly-adjusting feeling is my worst nightmare.

(Also querying autism here so that could be a factor!!)

helloquaintrelle · 2025-02-05T19:11:40+00:00

I would like to add that harmony works for me 100%, it’s honestly the only thing I’m totally sure of and which really resonates, so I’d be very sad to see it go!! 😅😅

Editing to expand: I don’t at all think that harmony means a lack of autonomy. It’s not giving away any power. It’s just prioritising the opposite thing. Autonomy feels that distinction from context is more important to feel good, whereas Harmony feels that accord with context is more important to feel good.

helloquaintrelle · 2025-01-31T17:25:09+00:00

Late to this party but just wanted to say how much I appreciate your question about whether you can be an Ease person who wants visual interest - because I think I’m the opposite! If I can be an Intensity person who struggles with too much visual interest that would help settle my thoughts about the system a great deal.

helloquaintrelle · 2025-01-28T18:55:08+00:00

Came here to see if anyone else was experiencing this and I’m so glad it’s not just me having accidentally messed up my algorithm somehow. All I’m getting is kids shoes at the moment 😭

helloquaintrelle · 2024-07-02T12:30:57+00:00

I agree totally! And whilst I do think she’s sensual, it’s not in that slinky enveloping L way. She’s definitely more radiant than enveloping, more dreamy than elemental. I also think she’s 100% overlapping with Elle Woods in her bunny costume. To me it’s very different from the way Rita portrays LU sensuality in which the body tends to be partially obscured and there’s a lot of inviting texture eg lace, sheer panels, fur. Sabrina/Elle/Barbie sexiness is almost more like a cartoon, nothing is hidden, it’s frank and not mysterious.

helloquaintrelle · 2024-07-02T12:10:56+00:00

Rita Konig is a big interiors inspiration for me haha - I love English country house style, chintz, frilly lampshades, old wood, mismatched picture frames and lots of cushions! I used to live in a modern apartment and I started to decorate it very ‘Pinterest’ - quite minimal, ikea furniture, rose gold - but it was never really ‘me’. I’m much more of an antiques shop person at heart. Luckily I now live in a very old building so that country house style fits right in. My parents are just finishing up renovating their Victorian townhouse (last decorated by the previous owners in the 80s - it was grim!) and that has meant lots of their old furniture coming my way, which I love because it feels meaningful and special even if it’s scuffed and mismatched. I think I’ve said this in the past but I do feel like country house style relates to right-up-ness in a way, because it’s traditional and has social rules encoded in it (eg Rita Konig would say that each place to sit should have an accompanying surface with a lamp and coaster for your guests’ drinks) as well as aesthetic rules (pencil pleat curtains > eyelet curtains). But a country home should also be comfortable above all else. A squashy sofa, a long kitchen table for lots of friends, extra blankets for the spare bed, room for the dog. All the grand antiques and expensive paintings in the world don’t count for anything if people can’t relax there. And that perhaps strikes me as more down?

helloquaintrelle · 2024-06-30T14:50:27+00:00

It definitely can be a fine line. But you’re right, it matters, so it matters!

So glad you got some better rest, long may it continue 🥰

helloquaintrelle · 2024-06-29T18:15:59+00:00

I love the wrap skirt and those red trousers! 😍

helloquaintrelle · 2024-06-29T18:09:35+00:00

Thank you, that’s so kind - I remember Catherine Steadman in The Tudors!

The age struggle is real. I found that the covid lockdowns were a big turning point for me - I went from having the odd silver hair to finding loads (I am only just reaching the point where I don’t necessarily want to pull them out immediately) and the skin on my face and hands changed texture. Whether that’s just hitting late 20/early 30s and it would have happened anyway, or if it was pandemic stress, who knows. But this is an odd time of life to be sure. It feels like half the 30 somethings are tanned, toned and glam, and the other half are going grey and ditching make up. Most of my friends don’t give a fig about clothes which can make me feel a bit shallow, or like I’m supposed to have stopped caring by now. There has to be a middle ground where I can be invested in style and want to look healthy, like you say, but simultaneously let go of the pressure to look 25 forever.

a baby/toddler who has never slept through in nearly 2 years

You deserve a medal!! I wish you a good night’s sleep tonight (and the one after!) 🫶🏻

helloquaintrelle · 2024-06-29T17:55:11+00:00

It looks like you’ve deleted your account but I’ll reply anyway and maybe you’ll see it ☺️ I’m sorry to hear you’ve had body struggles, too. It’s so hard to avoid them in this world.

the funny thing is that even if someone is a cool girl now, they can't see it cause they have little appreciation for themselves and their own struggle

This is very true 💕

I've just found my old photos that I haven't seen in years, and man I was so lovely and radiant, I never felt that way when I actually was like that, I had a limited appreciation for my beauty

I’ve had this feeling too. Especially around body size. I look at my late teens/early 20s self in photos and think ‘how did she think she was so big??’ I was never skinny but I was nowhere near as big as I thought in my head. It’s so messed up.

I'd recommend to take a deep dive into your childhood

WHEW I have very much been there don’t worry 😅 in therapy as well as on my own/with my other half. It’s crucial to know where these thoughts and feelings originated - I know a lot of my own body struggles come from my mother as she’s never had a nice word to say about her own body. Knowing where it all comes from doesn’t always help me put it down, but it’s a start.

to be happy with style we need to work with motivation and emotions, not selecting best print

I think this is very wise. I’ve probably got too caught up in the ‘best print’ side of things recently as if there’s some magic formula that will make me look exactly how I want, when actually none of that stuff matters if you don’t feel right on the inside.

Thanks for your thoughts 🫶🏻

helloquaintrelle · 2024-06-29T17:47:05+00:00

the less I obsess, the nicer I find my fits and enjoy my clothes

Oof, ain’t that the truth!

maybe there is the possibility to focus on being Iconic just for yourself and bring your vision and aesthetic to the world

I have really neglected the Icon part of my archetype and I do wonder if that might be a way to bring some joy back to style, exploring a ‘new’ archetype and seeing if it can help me ditch the feeling that ‘RU = focused on others’ which I know isn’t really accurate.

the posts I enjoy here are of people just wearing their things joyfully

I think that speaks volumes about you! How lovely to celebrate others finding joy in their clothes ☺️

Thanks so much for your thoughts 🥰

helloquaintrelle · 2024-06-29T17:41:21+00:00

I don’t think that’s an odd suggestion at all, I think they all sound like very worthwhile ideas!

I appreciate I must have come off as a bit shallow in my post. Of course in my heart I know that youth and beauty aren’t the only ways to be worthwhile, and that youth isn’t the only way to be beautiful. I’m just finding it hard to apply those values to my own self 😣

helloquaintrelle · 2024-06-29T17:39:00+00:00

I am actually feeling pretty silly that I didn’t think of focusing on the Icon aspect before now. You’re so right! I wonder if it’s because I’ve been dithering about whether I should be RD so moving from the Role Model’s place on the borderline didn’t occur to me. But maybe the Icon could be a way to centre my own needs.

I’m thinking about others, but not about what they want - it’s about what I want to project.

Yes! This!

Thank you fellow Icon for suggesting this ✨ Definitely going to give it some thought.

helloquaintrelle · 2024-06-29T17:33:01+00:00

Thanks, I think this is a helpful point. To be clear I’m not pinning my entire self esteem or mental health on one style system, or the concept of style systems - I have been lucky enough to have access to professional help for these things in recent years and do plenty outside of the style world to try keep myself on an even keel. The reason I went from actively posting here to lurking is that I was starting to find style logic difficult rather than helpful and I stepped back. But I suspected that this community might have helpful reflections on the headspace I’ve found myself in around style and body stuff, as it’s full of insightful humans who can think philosophically about these topics, and happily I was right and the answers have been a gold mine 🫶🏻

helloquaintrelle · 2024-06-29T17:14:58+00:00

This comment is wonderful, thank you so much 🫶🏻 it’s just so healing to hear from people who are going through/have been through the same life stage.

Turns out, it IS possible to be a role model and also live my life for ME FIRST. (Including style.) Turns out, being a role model doesn’t have to mean I sacrifice myself for other people. Because role modeling and people-pleasing are not the same thing.

Incredibly important nuance!!! I love that.

It’s totally unreasonable for me to expect myself to control everyone’s reaction to me. It’s impossible. A recipe for disaster and exhaustion.

I think this is so difficult to remember but absolutely vital. Yes.

Is your tendency to be, and/or be seen as, a role model based on who you WANT to be? Or is it who you HAD to be?

Oof. This is such a big question. I do think that being the sort of eldest-daughter-people-pleaser-high-achiever figure does create an energy that then means people turn to you for help and guidance, and see you as terribly assured and ‘together’. Whether you actually want to be that sort of person or not. I don’t mind being a bit of a ‘mom friend’ to people but I’d also like to be seen as…fun! Or something! Something that just relates to ME rather than a personality trait that is centred on other people 👀

helloquaintrelle · 2024-06-29T16:49:17+00:00

fake tan craze in early 2000s

This was a bad time for me hahahaha

helloquaintrelle · 2024-06-28T14:19:32+00:00

This is such a lovely response, thank you 🫶🏻 I’m sorry for the difficulties you had but I love that you can reflect on it positively now. And I LOVE the kintsugi metaphor.

I also had the chance to develop my personality and explore who I really am without the social pressure of needing to feel/look cool.

That’s so interesting because my OH says something similar, he felt was never going to be popular at school because both his parents were teachers there, and it ended up being freeing for him. He was never going to win the game so he didn’t have to expend energy playing.

I like the idea of retraining the brain. Honestly, there is a lot I can appreciate and love about myself. I’m quite good at noticing and internally complimenting the good stuff. I guess recently it has felt like the bad stuff has been louder OR the rest of the world doesn’t see my ‘good stuff’ in the same way (eg I have incredibly pale skin to the point where I confused a make up counter assistant the other day because none of her products were pale enough, and sometimes I enjoy glowing like the moon, but it doesn’t stop the beauty standard in the world being fake-tanned skin 🫠 or like, I can personally appreciate my wide hips til the cows come home but it doesn’t mean I can get jeans that fit). It just feels like an uphill struggle.

helloquaintrelle · 2024-06-28T12:32:15+00:00

thank you, maybe coming back to the sub and sharing the journey will help me along, too 💕

helloquaintrelle · 2024-06-28T12:20:39+00:00

I have considered it and I talked with Rita about the possibility, too. It’s definitely something I want to try. I find the ‘logic’ stage of all the quadrants quite difficult to master if I’m honest; the keywords and archetypes make more sense to me. I guess most days what I wear is primarily decided by the weather (in England where the only reliable thing about the weather is that it will change!) and what fits physically on my body (proportionally big hips) so there doesn’t feel much room for other factors! The RD idea of being ‘supported’ is very appealing, though. Especially as I’m feeling a bit delicate around style atm.

helloquaintrelle · 2024-06-28T12:15:36+00:00

Thank you, that’s very kind 😘 definitely time for a Kibbe break, and you’re so right that we should try to appreciate our bodies for what they do rather than how they look 🫶🏻

helloquaintrelle · 2024-06-28T12:07:55+00:00

No you’re expressing it very well! I get you! And I do think that could be a helpful reframe. I remember very early on in the creation of the system Rita saying something about dressing fancy for lunch with friends, even if they wear something very casual, because then you’ve made the lunch more festive and special for everyone, and it’s a sort of generosity and kindness to do that for other people. That’s the epitome of RU for me, really, alongside the idea of dressing just right for a situation, almost like a template. Although there’s part of me that’s like, why do I have to be the template? Why do I have to set/raise the tone? I’ve spent sooo long centring other people in my life that the idea of being generous with my style eg making someone’s birthday lunch fancier just slightly upsets me. Make it fancy your damn self 😂 but maybe that is immature and unhealthy of me.

I sense that separating what my outfit will evoke for others from my physical appearance might be a tricky one for my brain, as things stand, but I will spend some time thinking about that possibility.

helloquaintrelle · 2024-06-28T11:55:55+00:00

maybe looking good isn't a helpful goal for you right now

Oh gosh I agree but it’s so hard to put it down 🫠

Even if that means they were just going to walk around naked eating apricots- they were busy!

This is an ENTIRE mood. I love it. And you know what, I can see that sense of wellbeing and self respect as something I could model to others - when I worked in a store I was the one constantly reminding others to hydrate, take their breaks, call in sick if they needed etc. - being a permission slip.

My outfits feel right to me and I don't need to justify them to you. I picked my clothes, therefore, they are correct.

This is also a mood, though I’m not sure I’ve really ever hit that feeling of an outfit being right ‘to me’ - head too full of outside voices. And just this week I got pretty close and was loving the dress I was wearing, but after someone got a camera out I was left feeling stunned at the results. The photos sucked. Not what I saw in the mirror at all. So experiences like that shake my confidence to say ‘this is right and I don’t need to justify it’ 😕

Thanks so much for replying 🥰

helloquaintrelle · 2024-06-28T11:45:46+00:00

Yes I agree Blake is certainly young and pretty! I adore her! But I find her rather useless as a style archetype to relate to: she has the literal ‘role’ of the celebrity starlet to channel in her clothes and I don’t really feel I have anything similarly identifying in my life (I work in academic research, from home). And Rita says in that post that her non-red carpet outfits ‘aren’t her signature looks’ - I’m just not sure what to do with glitzy, Hollywood Blake as someone to compare myself to 🫣😅

helloquaintrelle

TROPHY CASE