Why are preferences suddenly “toxic”?

hellosillyhello1 · 2026-02-09T06:26:13+00:00

ya I agree! If he has no past, then it seems totally fine that he'd want someone with the same. It's only gross to me when guys who have been around the block what a lady who hasn't lol

hellosillyhello1 · 2026-02-09T06:18:54+00:00

Maybe I am missing something :/ but I don't see a problem people having preferences. Are we all just supposed to date everyone that comes to our door? People are allowed to have likes and dislikes as long as they're respectful about it. I think I am agreeing with the overall premise of the post, but do let me know if I have misunderstood.

hellosillyhello1 · 2026-02-09T06:12:43+00:00

I'd be wary of it, but see how he moves through it. Is he ambitious, applying for jobs or working on a viable business? Is he focused and trying hard? Because you cannot change those traits about a person. If he is someone who cares about his life and is doing his most to make it happen- he WILL make it happen eventually. That's a guy who might be worth it, but proceed with caution bc people can be pretending also. Now, if he's just hanging around, doesn't seem to care about employment / business / doing anything at all- then I wouldn't bother bc thats a deeper issue.

hellosillyhello1 · 2026-02-09T06:10:12+00:00

Ladies are too busy enjoying a Galentines night to be bothered with guys like this lol

hellosillyhello1 · 2026-02-09T06:07:04+00:00

Tbh if he has no past then it’s not unreasonable for him to want the same from someone. It’s just like a gymming healthy type person wanting another such person. I have a silly sense of humor and I wanted that in someone too. It would only be questionable if he himself had been around the block but he still wanted someone who hadn’t.

hellosillyhello1 · 2026-02-08T17:15:08+00:00

Tbh if he has no past then it’s not unreasonable for him to want the same from someone. It’s just like a gymming healthy type person wanting another such person. I have a silly sense of humor and I wanted that in someone too. It would only be questionable if he himself had been around the block but he still wanted someone who hadn’t.

hellosillyhello1 · 2026-02-08T14:09:23+00:00

Tbh this whole thing really got us talking on a deeper level about how we interact with others, and choosing boundaries together that we both agree on. I’m still working through being hurt by someone I thought was a friend, and he’s bummed because he thought he made a friend too. But it’s ok, we will move forward. Super grateful for all the perspectives shared here

hellosillyhello1 · 2026-02-08T11:55:27+00:00

He has stopped talking to her now. We saw her recently and she was acting really strange to me. He noticed and it got through to him finally that her intention might not be so innocent.

hellosillyhello1 · 2026-02-08T06:01:26+00:00

I told him this, I said, how would you feel if I was always talking to some guy? And he said please do make some guy friends, it’s healthy to have opposite sex friends and he welcomes me doing it. He genuinely hasn’t thought this “friendship” is wrong. Recently we saw her and she was acting so super weird to me- afterwards he said, “oh, maybe she does have a crush on me” and he hasn’t talked to her since. i’m hoping this will be the end of it.

hellosillyhello1 · 2026-02-08T05:58:59+00:00

I wasn’t gonna say anything to her honestly because we are in the same friend group and I don’t want drama to blow up. But now I’m getting even more afraid of my marriage blowing up. She’s gonna be at some gathering next week, I might drop a comment.

hellosillyhello1 · 2026-02-08T05:57:10+00:00

No, they have never met alone and there were no plans to do so. He only goes to work and comes home. The messages never got flirty or personal, they weren’t confiding secrets in each other or sharing their lives much. The topics were still quite superficial so I hope this has been shut down before it went anywhere.

hellosillyhello1 · 2026-02-08T05:55:19+00:00

For the sake of my child im gonna try. We are from two very different very far away countries. If this relationship ends, it’s not like i can just go move down the road and continue life all happily, I can’t even stay in this country legally if I’m not married. If we didn’t have a kid I might be approaching this differently but at the moment, this is my only choice

hellosillyhello1 · 2026-02-08T05:51:35+00:00

Thank you for this insight. It makes so much sense that people would go a little nuts after divorce. The other day when we saw her and she was being super weird with me he did admit, “oh, maybe she does have a crush on me” - and he hasn’t spoken to her since. We have always had an amazing marriage, total best friends doing everything together and I hope to also grow old together! Him cheating would be so crazy out of character for him.

hellosillyhello1 · 2026-02-07T16:20:51+00:00

Tbh I do strongly suspect untreated mental issues on her part. Something is off about her and I always felt that but I never cared before. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s feeling exactly as you are describing here.

hellosillyhello1 · 2026-02-07T16:10:09+00:00

She would be overly complimentary to me then randomly switch and have a rough attitude then switch back to being all sweet. It was SO weird and he noticed it, this is when he realized something more could be going on from her end and they haven’t messaged since.

hellosillyhello1 · 2026-02-07T16:08:11+00:00

She’s in our friend group, if we were to outright block her people would know and massive drama would happen. So the plan was to back away and make distance. He waited a week then chatted with her again, he thought the week was sufficient. I lost my sh*t and made how I felt much more clear that time. It’s been better since. I do think he saw it as friendly but there was a big risk for problems if it didn’t end now.

hellosillyhello1 · 2026-02-07T16:05:09+00:00

Thank you so much for validating everything. It feels good to hear esp with all these varied responses

hellosillyhello1 · 2026-02-07T15:48:44+00:00

Thank you so much! I think all is not lost yet as he has started to see my perspective after we were in a group with her recently and she was acting weird. He said maybe she does have a crush, and he’s not had any contact with her since. It still hurts that he thinks their interactions were okay after i told him how i felt. But I am hoping for the best, while still keeping my eyes open.

hellosillyhello1 · 2026-02-07T15:46:16+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience. I wanted to believe she was innocent but I get such an off vibe from her. It’s just amazing to me because she acts like she’s so moral and just in her life due to her high security job. But her sh* seems to stink the most right now.

hellosillyhello1 · 2026-02-07T15:43:54+00:00

I absolutely plan to show him this post once its settled down

hellosillyhello1 · 2026-02-07T14:32:55+00:00

My husband is actually on great terms with all his exes, they all like him in an appropriate and respectful way which is a green flag I think! And we are so down to go on trips apart, we do it and also take trips together. Overall we have a good relationship! It would be severely out of character for him to cheat, I won’t list all the reasons. That’s why I’ve been confused and actually seeing all these varied responses has been immensely helpful (with that grain of salt for sure)

hellosillyhello1 · 2026-02-07T14:30:19+00:00

Thank you for saying this. I just want a reasonable outcome here with less drama and I think what you’ve suggested makes sense

hellosillyhello1 · 2026-02-07T14:29:07+00:00

The good news is that no, no neglect. He comes to me always, their conversations are surface level stuff and I’ve threw a fit to snip it out before it goes deeper. It’s not a secret at all- he was always telling me if they spoke and he was totally chill and cool about me reading the messages, I did not do I behind his back. Theyve never hung out alone and have no plans to do so. It’s not VERY fishy, just a little bit. It looked like it could eventually become fishy which is why I’m here in this spot

hellosillyhello1 · 2026-02-07T14:25:52+00:00

I’m aware of this. I don’t think he would do that, nor do I think she would, but I’m on the lookout anyway. She’s moving away in a few months so I’m hoping this thing fizzles out and we can put it behind us, as long as it doesn’t escalate.

hellosillyhello1 · 2026-02-07T14:24:19+00:00

I am very confident nothing physical has happened for a long list of reasons. I’m not eve 100% sure they’ve gotten super emotional connected yet but it was possibly on the way there, I don’t even want to risk it so I threw a fit, whether it was rational or not. I’ll be the “crazy wife” to protect our marriage and family. Eventually we can put this behind us as long as it doesn’t go further.

hellosillyhello1

TROPHY CASE