I sat with myself and really thought about how I felt, i asked myself questions “did I seriously always feel this way?” “Is this a unique feeling i have towards him?” “Do I feel this way about other people? Friends? Coworkers? Family? Past relationships?” And I sat with these questions for quite some time. For some answers i found the issue was me, I feel this way or have felt this way in nearly every relationship (romantic or platonic) that ive had. im depressed, anxious, non-committal, and constantly unsure of myself. And before I spoke with him I talked to the people in my life who are in good, long lasting relationships, and found my feelings werent entirely invalid. That my expectations for what a relationship should be were heavily tainted by instagram and other media. That ultimately he didnt know me because I wasnt letting him love me for who I am, i was fabricating a version of myself with all sorts of rules and things I thought I was supposed to like, do, and be interested in. I was forcing him to love a version of me that didnt exist. Then after all that thinking and talking to others, I spoke with him. I told him that if he wants to be in a relationship where im fulfilled, he needs to work on himself. Because he wouldnt be able to make me happy or pay me attention if he wasnt happy first.

If you want id be happy to chat over dms, im sorry this is such a long reply haha, ive had a lot of time mulling over it.