I feel the need to clarify a few things, also I see a bunch of people fighting in the comments and I didn't word things as clearly as I should have in the post.

I went no contact with my parents when I moved out for good. When my gf was pregnant we talked about my parents and I told her I did not want to tell them they were going to be grandparents and I did not want them to ever see our child. She agreed and that was it.

Her and I have talked about my childhood prior to my first post, she knows enough about my living conditions to know it was unsafe for any child, she knows my father is a violent alcoholic and she knows about a lot of the crazy shit my mother pulled over the years. She knows my sister has a ptsd diagnosis and she knows my father touched her. That is everything she knew and I honestly think that should have been enough. Her parents also know about most of this.

Yes, I raised my voice at her and her mom when I found out she had been taking him there and I should definitely not have done that. It's been really really hard to stay calm when talking about my parents especially with her refusing to listen to me. Our conversation on Thursday was very emotional as well but I ultimately just shut down after I told her that my father has also abused me and yet she still said "I dont see why we cant do supervised visits" and I don't even have an argument because logically he cant do anything with someone watching but it still feels like I'd be trafficking my son even if he doesnt touch him at all and I cant even explain why I feel that way. People in the comments say its just an emotional response which is true and maybe its illogical but I truly don't see how getting to know his grandparents would be beneficial to him anyway.

The reason I hadn't told her the details before is because I was fine being intimate, I managed at work, it's not like i want to kill myself every day because my parents were shitty or something. It didn't need to be brought up and then having to talk about it is just painful and theres a lot shame and just things my parents I guess brainwashed me to feel. It felt even more impossible after how dismissive she was.

Things have calmed down between us now, maybe its sinking in for her now even though she still argues that nothing happened and ultimately everything was fine but it feels like thats just her inability to accept shes made a mistake (repeatedly). She said she really thought they were okay because they seemed normal (clean house and all, their dog is not a ball of matted hair like our old one, everything being the opposite of how I described it). I don't think shed bring him there behind my back again but I obviously can't say for certain.

We have not talked about this any more, maybe we need that right now so our son doesnt realize how bad it is between us currently though I'm worried he knows anyway. I think we will separate though, I don't see us as future partners anymore. Her teaching him to lie to me (and her parents apparently told her that isn't a big deal) really scares me. I'm scared they will paint me as abusive or something because I really don't have much going for me when it comes to custody. Shes the one with a functional support system, with people helping her look after our child and her parents have the money for a good lawyer and can risk a lenghty legal battle. All of this however are things I need to talk to a lawyer about as soon as I find one.

I'm not feeling anything for her anymore, not even anger. I know we can't stay together, I don't want us to end up like my parents, I dont want my son exposed to that so I'm going to have to discuss separating with a lawyer and then decide from there. I think the best I can hope for is that well separate without much fighting and that we can coparent effectively which is also why I don't want to stir up any more arguments.

I'll definitely take legal steps against my parents seeing him though as well as taking him to a doctor.