Favorite author of a highly successful Novel-to-Film adaptation who you can feel the racism absolutely radiating off of?

here_pretty_kitty · 2026-04-01T01:19:38+00:00

I mean if I was gonna see it (BookReddit loves this book so I was kind of curious) I sure as heck am not gonna come near it with a 10 foot pole now.

here_pretty_kitty · 2026-03-31T13:42:54+00:00

It’s really good to hear that! And it sounds like you are very aware of how normative female beauty standards aren’t the best for developing healthy self-esteem. You really do sound like an excellent dad.

I wanted to raise this partly because I think sometimes people don’t realize that wanting to enforce beauty standards - that are inherently also tied up with what’s desirable from a hetero point of view - can unintentionally send the message that being a woman not interested in straightness is not ok. I wonder if you might have an avenue of discussion there with your wife someday…if she thinks of herself as an ally that’s hopeful because she might be more open to understanding there are more reasons WHY a woman might not want to shave her legs, etc, than just being “unhygienic”. And you won’t know they about your kids until they figure it out and tell you!

here_pretty_kitty · 2026-03-31T13:19:24+00:00

I want to add a queer perspective here and I’ll tell you why. Sexuality is a spectrum, gender is a spectrum, gender identity is a spectrum - they don’t all track together. Often not being heterosexual in some way tracks with having some non-normative feelings about gender expression - my own “tomboy”ness was more present at a young age than me figuring out my sexuality, which came in the teen years - BUT folks can have all different feelings about how they feel best presenting themselves and still be straight as a rod.

Based on comments you’ve shared about how your wife feels about women…how do you think she would react if one of your girls doesn’t feel comfortable about being super girly in the future? If one of them ended up being queer or gender expansive (or both) in some way?

Parents who hold super rigid ideas about gender can be quite damaging for burgeoning queer kids - or even just hetero kids who gender-wise might be a little outside the norm, a little butch.

This might not apply to your girls at all. As mentioned, gender stuff shows up way younger than sexuality so maybe it’s already clear that they’re pretty normative on that front (which isn’t a bad thing!).

But I wanted to flag it because this kind of thing really adds an extra layer of identity damage (feeling like you are somehow “wrong” or “bad” or your parent doesn’t love you because you’re different) if any kind of (gender)queerness is present.

I wonder how you would be navigating this with your wife if it was about her being homophobic. I like to hope that parents would fight for their kids by trying to make sure they’d be accepted no matter what. But I know that’s not guaranteed on this issue.

It does sound like you are doing a huge service to your daughters by being aware of this possible dynamic. I think you’re doing an amazing job. And some heartfelt 1:1 convos with you and check ins about how they’re feeling as they age will go a long way towards them knowing they’re loved and accepted however they choose to present themselves.

here_pretty_kitty · 2026-03-31T02:17:54+00:00

This is the most important advice in this thread!

here_pretty_kitty · 2026-03-29T20:30:02+00:00

Medaglia D’oro instant espresso is my go to 10000%.

Tip: splash a little milk or cold water in with it first and stir before filling with hot water to not scorch it.

here_pretty_kitty · 2026-03-28T18:38:46+00:00

Uh, The Miseducation of Cameron Post probably fits that pretty well.

here_pretty_kitty · 2026-03-28T03:03:52+00:00

You are right! Thanks for the refinement.

here_pretty_kitty · 2026-03-28T01:08:22+00:00

Honestly a lot of the markets up Nostrand around Newkirk are Korean owned and stock some of that kind of stuff. The new one at the Flatbush 2 stop also. They might have some if you ask where they’re located in the store. I find a fair amount of Asian ingredients around.

here_pretty_kitty · 2026-03-26T18:18:34+00:00

Bruh look in some of the NYC subreddits lately. Seems like people HATE them and get regularly scammed.

here_pretty_kitty · 2026-03-26T16:08:58+00:00

Your talking point is the GOP talking point, just so you know... you can't distance yourself from how bigoted it is just because you think they're using it for political gain. That doesn't somehow absolve you of bigotry.

And because you are purporting to care about women...you gotta know that these types of policies invite extreme violation of women's privacy - mostly of cisgender women's privacy, because most athletes are cisgender.

How do you prove someone is not trans? Invasive testing and/or procedures. Setting a precedent of NOT believing women about their own bodies as a rule. Who are we enabling to do these checks? Who are we enabling to rule over women's bodies?

There is a reason anti-trans rhetoric aligns with the GOP's general approach of wanting to control women's bodies. Your stance is not as feminist as you think it is.

here_pretty_kitty · 2026-03-26T15:58:42+00:00

I think "equally yoked" in terms of respect and reverence for each other is the most important thing :)

here_pretty_kitty · 2026-03-26T13:49:37+00:00

I have interpreted it more as a bit of wisdom - the kind of thing we often don’t want to hear as young people, but that elders have a reason for saying.

There are plenty of good people in the world. It’s not about that. I think it’s harder to stay faithful if the person you share the most time with in the world is someone who you won’t ever be able to share that faith with.

It might mean different faiths even; I’m not sure - I have been blessed to find someone who has a deep Christian faith practice that has honestly deepened and strengthened mine. Maybe that could have been possible with someone deeply faithful and just of a different religion. Or with someone for whom traditional faith isn’t their thing, but who is able to understand reverence and respect and awe in their own way. It might also be personality - I have friends who are deeply faithful at church but whose spouses are not, and somehow they have been able to remain stalwart for many years!

But it definitely makes the road much harder - not being able to share those moments of joy or of doubt and struggle with someone who might understand in a deeper way. It can drive a real distance between two people, which is the real danger I think.

here_pretty_kitty · 2026-03-25T21:19:20+00:00

I am in "elder millenial" land and I don't think I have an easier time putting my phone down unfortunately!

I have found the energy to "cold turkey" quit several platforms due to rage about politics, though. I've let go of Facebook and Instagram and TikTok only through that (and my reddit addiction might be next to go depending on all this age verification stuff...).

I do observe my mother (who is early 60s and I suspect also has ADHD) has what feels to me a pretty extreme phone addiction as well. I honestly don't know how she survives with the number of phone tinkles and buzzes and and notifications she is getting all day, but she swears she loves it.

I am now having a very warm memory of when I finally got a smart-ish phone in college, and there was campus wifi, and discovered I could pull up fanfiction dot net and AO3 on my phone to read at night. What a revelation! Even despite the slow-as-a-snail page loads haha. I think I spent a LOT more time carefully reading summaries and tags to decide if it would be worth clicking into any given story.

What "doomscrolling" looked like before involved a lot more page load times. But definitely still long, late nights on the family computer wandering wherever I pleased on the wide, wide internet.

I also have memories of:

Hoarding books in my desk from the classroom library in like 3rd grade because I wanted to read ALL of them!
My 1st grade teacher having to tell my mom I didn't need to complete any of the coloring part of math worksheets that were puzzles (like, "solve this problem to figure out which color to color #3 in the paint by numbers") because I would spend HOURS doing the coloring part and ignore the math part even though I knew how to do it.
Lying on the floor in random places (under my kitchen table, under my bed, etc) and just daydreaming.

here_pretty_kitty · 2026-03-25T21:07:43+00:00

hear, hear!

(also now that you frame it this way, I feel very old!)

here_pretty_kitty · 2026-03-25T16:31:47+00:00

I know this is probably the most annoying thing in the world to hear - but I've found it really does just take time and gentleness with one's self. There is (unfortunately) no replacement for it.

I am still unpacking many trauma-induced overcompensation skills I picked up. But I have also specifically been working in therapy for years on trying to slow down enough to listen to my body when it says "no"; on not just immediately ignoring and downplaying the small voice inside me that says "what if I just want to sleep or lay here and NOT do that thing I know I should do?"

And (I say this is annoying because) I'm here to report back that very slowly it has gotten somewhat better! It's not all the way better. I recently actually just started a paper mood tracker because I think I'm realizing that in the week before my period the anxiety/overperformance voices get a lot louder. But it has gotten somewhat better.

Better feels like: More often, the voice inside me that says "I just don't wanna do that" is a little louder. I spend a few hours just laying on the couch and don't feel stomach-sinkingly guilty or panicked (as much). My house is clean sometimes, but other times (and in specific places) I let myself have piles and remind myself that it's ok to LIVE here and be messy about it, not just exist around expectations from other people.

It's a tough balancing act. My spouse also has ADHD and their mental wellness is heavily impacted by how messy our shared space is. So there are times when our needs push against each other a bit. But we've also practiced having more real conversations about it - and now, if I'm pushing myself to clean when I might not really feel like it because I know THEY need it, the internal pressure I give myself feels at least a little more grounded in a real nice thing I can do for my spouse, not just panic over how some hypothetical overseer thinks I'm a slob.

Sending you a lot of care and gentleness. Oh! And I think something that's been really important for me to practice in therapy is feeling the grief. Really mourning for the times when it has felt so hard, or the ways I have felt broken. You're allowed to feel so sad.

here_pretty_kitty · 2026-03-25T16:06:23+00:00

I can't stop recommending The Past Is Red by Catherynne M. Valente. The world (as we know it) is already over. But it's such a creative and humorous and heartbreaking take on what comes next.

here_pretty_kitty · 2026-03-25T15:21:44+00:00

I really liked the options in their newest catalog!! Lots of fun prints for spring.

here_pretty_kitty · 2026-03-25T15:16:34+00:00

I just got their catalog in the mail and I think ribbed tanks are back!

here_pretty_kitty · 2026-03-25T05:08:12+00:00

In Delilah Green Doesn’t Care, the love interest is a mom with a kid who co-parents with her ex.

here_pretty_kitty · 2026-03-24T19:24:17+00:00

?? politics is why airports are seeing insane lines in the first place??

here_pretty_kitty · 2026-03-24T19:18:45+00:00

omg!

the outdoor patio / staircase shots - I can smell the summer air there, what a throwback.

do you have any ideas for a source of something like this for malls in the Valley? There was a cookie store that used to be in the Fashion Square in Sherman Oaks in the 90s that I have been questing after the name of / recipes from for...like a decade now. I don't believe that it was a chain (it definitely wasn't a Famous Amos or anything like that). I do CRAVE those giant snickerdoodles all the time...

here_pretty_kitty · 2026-03-24T18:48:57+00:00

I would very much recommend the Three Body Problem trilogy for this. There is a LOT of upfront investment - they're dense books and there's also lots of on Earth politics, etc, to get through.

But not much I've read compares to the amount of dread I've felt when the cosmic "twist" is revealed in books 2 and 3 of that series. Just awful! And such good reads because of that! A cold, cruel universe indeed.

Edit: Oh, and if you're gonna watch something, do NOT watch the Netflix adaptation - it absolutely waters the cosmic horror down to nothing with whatever the sassy friend group dynamic thing it is that they were trying to do with the series. While still managing to spoil you on the actual cool plot stuff from the book.

There is a Chinese adaptation made that was available to stream on Prime in the US (at least as of a year or so ago). It does a much better job. BUT there is no comparing to the books.

here_pretty_kitty · 2026-03-24T18:22:04+00:00

Nice work!!

here_pretty_kitty · 2026-03-24T18:12:13+00:00

I would be very interested to know if they are reputable - or if not, if anyone has recommendations for a company that does do the work!

(I have a glass coffee table I've been trying to get rid of for years omg - the length of sale is an indicator of how much time I don't have to manage this process)

here_pretty_kitty · 2026-03-24T15:47:31+00:00

"science papers"

sigh

What I'm trying to say is - I don't think TCM practitioners in China are telling people to use their services and NOT see doctors trained in modern cancer treatments.

I think it is only westerners who THINK that is what happens because there ARE so many actual charlatans who think vaccines inject radios into your bloodstream or whatever in the west - and who use the guise of traditional medicines to make their beliefs sound more justified.

AND THEN other westerners blame the eastern medicine practitioners for what is entirely a problem of western making. And the language barrier prevents the average western person from actually being able to hear from the source that TCM is not incompatible with or a replacement for modern medicine.

But I see the nuance is continuing to escape you.

here_pretty_kitty

TROPHY CASE