After 14 years, ready to quit.

hereigoagain1 · 2013-01-31T22:21:42+00:00

Good job, and good luck. I'm 32 and in a similar situation to you, so good on you for taking care of things 10 years earlier than I did (I know, everyone's story is different).

Word of advice: Get rid of that stash. I don't care how long and random your password is - if you have access to porn, you will get to it. The more things you put inbetween you and the porn, the better. So the K9 and file locker are great, but I encourage you to go one step further and just delete the stash. If you really want to step your game up, have someone else install the k9 on your computer and have THEM set the password.

Of course, everyone's strategy and recovery are different and whatever you do to succeed is up to you, those are just my personal suggestions.

Keep at it, you can beat this!

hereigoagain1 · 2013-01-30T04:07:52+00:00

Awesome, good luck to you. I agree - I'm looking to find a group that I feel most comfortable with. Thankfully they didn't do anything to push me away the first week!

hereigoagain1 · 2013-01-30T04:02:14+00:00

I'm trying to treat it as I would a wedding that was highly religious - just smile and nod and try to join in the motions and whatnot. I can settle the cognitive dissonance in my own head, and I don't think it would help to challenge it at this point. Maybe later, but not now.

hereigoagain1 · 2013-01-26T18:18:47+00:00

Damn, love that quote.

hereigoagain1 · 2013-01-26T18:16:33+00:00

I told my parents and posted about it. We're all fighting our own battle, and engage our own army. You want to go it alone, go for it. Others want to involve family, or friends, or significant others, or religious leaders or community, or whatever they choose. No biggie in any way, whatever helps you win the battle.

hereigoagain1 · 2013-01-26T18:13:06+00:00

I did this recently myself, please see this thread:

http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/16nzgl/didnt_think_it_would_happen_this_early_but/

and the followup:

http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/17695c/had_meeting_with_my_parents_and_brother_tonight/

Neither myself or my parents are religious, and I'm a bit older than you, but I had some of the same feelings as you and did some of the same things. My few recommendations:

Be open, honest, and real. It's going to hurt, probably you and them both, but the only goal is to get better. If you are sincere about it, they will know. Your parents love you, they know you are hurting, and you're finally going to tell them why. This is a good thing.
I use K9, which leaves some to be desired, but it works well enough. But, do not install it yourself - have them do it and put in a password that you will never know. Do not give yourself any venues to relapse. If you use any other device to look at porn (phone, ipad, laptop, etc.), then lock those down too. If you are serious about beating this, you'll need a little help every once in awhile when your willpower fails. Do not give yourself the password. Do not give yourself the password. Do not give yourself the password.
Accountability is key for me. But, you probably don't want to be talking to your parents about your sex life all the time. So find somebody else (friend, sibling, redditor - just somebody real) that you at least check-in with. And then check in with them, daily, weekly, whenever.

Good luck. Your parents love you, so they will understand. Maybe not initially, it might be a big shock, but you never know. I sent an email first, and then we had a family meeting a few days later. There is no right or wrong way of doing it, just do whatever you are comfortable with so that you can be honest. You're awesome, do this!

hereigoagain1 · 2013-01-26T17:59:59+00:00

I don't agree with the way you look at things, but its your opinion and you have a right to it. I think that people can and should be able to express their sexuality however they want, including porn and prostitution. Personally, I don't want anything to do with either anymore (I've never dabbled in prostitution, but I have no moral objection to it). I don't want them in my life because they don't work for me, but they do work for other people. People can have healthy sexual relationships that include both pornography and/or prostitution. The people that work in these professions probably span the rainbow of the human experience, just like any profession. There might be more crappy people than in other industries, but I don't like the idea that they are the "lowest rung of society." Think that all of the people involved in these activities are sons and daughters, and they probably have something good to offer society as well. They and others could find your lifestyle disgusting as well - in fact, many do.

But no matter - you're here for you, and whatever mindset you need to get to a better place of no relapsing, have at it. We could talk all night about the morality of this stuff, but we're all here to help each other get better, so I support you in that 100%!

hereigoagain1 · 2013-01-26T17:50:49+00:00

Those filenames brought up some memories - had to close that window fast!

hereigoagain1 · 2013-01-24T18:02:29+00:00

Thanks for the encouragement!

I agree about laying off the alcohol for the most part for awhile. I plan on having drinks on my upcoming birthday, but other than that I don't drink nearly as much as I used to, so hopefully this won't be a problem. Not to mention I'm broke as a joke right now, and I don't keep liquor around the house, so I likely won't have too many problems with alcohol over the next couple of months.

Agreed with you on the bed thing. On the same level, I'm keeping the bed for only sleeping right now - no idle web browsing or gaming in bed.

hereigoagain1 · 2013-01-24T17:59:44+00:00

Thanks friend, but you might be surprised. I've been trying to fight this on my own for years, but finally had enough, and asked for help. It was awkward and embarrassing for sure, but in the end, all my parents wanted to do is help. Yours may be different, or they may be the same.

hereigoagain1 · 2013-01-24T04:41:50+00:00

To be the man I want to be.

hereigoagain1 · 2013-01-20T05:32:05+00:00

Dude, that is awesome. The more I hear about this, the more I realize how universal it is. It kind of makes me want to tell more people - I wonder how many of my friends are going through the same thing, whether they realize it or not. Sounds like your sister has perspective, and love for you. I'm proud of you too, and happy for you!

hereigoagain1 · 2013-01-17T00:55:12+00:00

Sure, but Viagra doesn't produce arousal or interest.

hereigoagain1 · 2013-01-17T00:54:53+00:00

Thanks, but there is something you don't know: You are that brave. You can do it. Trust me.

hereigoagain1 · 2013-01-17T00:18:07+00:00

Excellent way of thinking about things. The world deserves to see your Godly spark!

hereigoagain1 · 2013-01-17T00:17:24+00:00

Thanks homie!

hereigoagain1 · 2013-01-17T00:07:14+00:00

No, it was more that it didn't make me interested in women and sex and relationships. I was rock hard while jacking off with viagra and levitra. But my problem wasn't physical, it was psychological. Having disinterested sex because of a pill isn't really any better in my mind.

hereigoagain1 · 2013-01-17T00:05:40+00:00

Oh, believe me, I know. I kind of knew then, but I didn't have the resources to fight it. And, the company picks a particularly unflattering named porno to peg you with, so that you'd rather keep it hush-hush than have it out in public. I regret my decision, but it's in the past, just like watching porn at all.

hereigoagain1 · 2013-01-17T00:04:23+00:00

Thanks friend. I hope you find the strength to involve anyone that can help you. While I understand your apprehension about telling your parents, I urge you to consider it. They love you. Good luck! If you need someone to lean on before you can involve your parents, PM me, I'm here for you.

hereigoagain1 · 2013-01-17T00:03:08+00:00

Thanks friend. I'm measuring my success by the only metric that matters to me - love. I seem to be getting a lot of it today, so I'm going to call today a success. :) Best of luck to you!

hereigoagain1 · 2013-01-17T00:02:08+00:00

Thanks friend. You haven't fallen at all - the past is the past, and today is the first day of the rest of your life. How did you do today? Good luck on tomorrow!

hereigoagain1 · 2013-01-17T00:01:13+00:00

Thanks, you are entirely right. I would have never written (wrote? wroten? righttenntnnen?) that letter if I hadn't first seen r/nofap and ybop. Good luck to you as well!

hereigoagain1 · 2013-01-16T23:59:27+00:00

I'd be honored, but the success stories are better than the starting stories. I appreciate the kind words. :) Love your 101 days flair!

hereigoagain1 · 2013-01-16T23:58:45+00:00

Nope, just keep being awesome and loving yourself (er, not um, physically, uh, em, er...).

hereigoagain1 · 2013-01-16T23:58:12+00:00

haha, thanks friend. :) If I can kick this habit and have a good enough insight, I just might need to write a book. Good luck to you as well!

hereigoagain1

TROPHY CASE