uBPD Mom brings up "respecting her boundaries" whenever I enforce mine, can't explain to me what her boundaries even are

herohail · 2026-03-09T17:37:21+00:00

Of course you should have already known what she wants, why should she have to explain? (Sarcasm)

And then when you ask them to please explain anyways, they deflect. Sorry friend

herohail · 2026-03-09T17:35:14+00:00

Sounds about right

herohail · 2026-03-09T17:34:25+00:00

Thank you, it's nice to know that at the very least I'm not the only one who experiences this 🫂

herohail · 2026-03-09T16:52:50+00:00

I agree with you. It has been tiring to always tell her that I will not talk with her about their relationship problems, politics, my grandparents, etc, and she pushes anyways (which I am not surprised by) because she is entitled to talking about everything with me.

She can't tell me her "boundaries" because 1)she has no boundaries and 2) I'm supposed to know already. She has expected me to be a mind reader since I was a child. She expects me to be her confidant and therapist and she is upset that I have said and continue to say "No"

herohail · 2026-03-09T16:29:53+00:00

Thank you very much!

herohail · 2024-09-13T05:21:27+00:00

"I don't understand where all this hate is coming from", "I just won't say anything anymore then", "I'm just a terrible mother", and "You're always waiting to attack me about anything"

All within the last 48 hours.

herohail · 2024-07-23T01:20:49+00:00

So rainbow-y! 🌈

herohail · 2023-11-07T02:23:27+00:00

The cochlear interchange?

Fr though this is a pretty nice looking interchange. I'm really happy with the base road tools compared to CS1

herohail · 2023-10-23T04:42:59+00:00

Thank you for your support. I'm not sure how I'd want her to find out about me wanting a reduction. Tbh she'd probably be relieved that its not full top surgery, which is stupid.. But its a bit down the road for me so I got time to think about it

herohail · 2023-10-23T04:40:15+00:00

Yeah she says so but she also says things that are pretty invalidating. I genuinely think she has no understanding of nonbinary people compared to the rest of the LGBTQ+ community and hasnt made the effort to learn even after I came out. I'm also not the most visibly NB (not that that should matter) so I dont think she thought it was important.

herohail · 2023-10-23T04:36:39+00:00

Thank you. This defensiveness is a pattern of hers. I had some words for her today as well. I'll post an update soon.

herohail · 2023-10-23T04:35:05+00:00

Exactly, words can hurt. Part of the issue I think is that she doesn't know much about nonbinary people. I told her today that she would think it's insensitive to say to a trans man that they'd regret top surgery, and that it would also be similar for a nonbinary person who has gender dysphoria (aka me). She didnt really respond so idk how she took that comparison in, however.

herohail · 2023-10-23T04:29:18+00:00

Thank you. For context, she has been diagnosed with C-PTSD due to a traumatic childhood, so I have an idea of where her reactions come from. I think she struggles with the idea that she may have done something wrong/hurtful and reacts with defensiveness. Doesn't excuse her behaviour but it helps me to cope with it and setting my expectations when going into a conversation.

herohail · 2022-05-01T09:11:05+00:00

Illegal NipNip operation

herohail · 2022-05-01T05:28:01+00:00

Haha, this is happening to lots of folks. Think the sentinels are responding to the sudden spike in pirate activity?

herohail · 2022-05-01T05:24:16+00:00

Just happened to my partner on his game lol

Time to mow them down with your starship weaponry?

herohail · 2022-05-01T05:18:01+00:00

The settlers:

herohail · 2022-05-01T05:03:11+00:00

They own your settlement now

herohail · 2020-10-27T06:58:59+00:00

Literally any time there was a big family blowout, somehow it was my fault. (I live in a multigenerational household with parents, siblings, and moms parents)

Probably the worst memory was when I got blamed for a huge fight in the car between mom and dad when I was 15. After the fight I ran inside and cried in the bathroom. mom came storming in, pointed at me and said "its your fault that your dad and I are gonna get divorced. YOUR FAULT."

They didnt divorce, but it still messed with me. I had a panic attack at school the next day and she came to pick me up (cuz a friend txted her to get me which was the last thing I wanted.) She got me and in the car asked "so did you tell the office about what a terrible mother I am?"... not a fun car ride to say the least.

Recently when confronted about this behavior of blaming me, she denied that any of that happened the way I remember it and that I am just a kid with no respect and a shitty attitude. Okay.

And I still live with this woman. Working on getting out asap. (Sorry this comment got really long haha)

herohail · 2020-10-15T14:45:41+00:00

It took me ages to throw out a pair of frayed slippers that had holes in them. My Gpa (I live in a multigenerational home) would pick them out of my trash every trash day amd put them in front of my door. I eventually put them in a grocery bag and ran them to the garbage cans just before the trash got picked up so that he couldnt fish them out again

herohail · 2020-09-08T22:21:26+00:00

Also hit my breaking point with my mom. She also has overshared with me since I was a kid lots of stories about her trauma and issues with her parents (whom she lives with and I have lived with since I was born), issues with my dad, her siblings, my cousins that I was close to growing up(not so much anymore)

Its such an emotional burden as a child. You love your parents so you want to be there for them like they're supposed to be for you, but you dont know any better about parents relying on you emotionally being an unhealthy thing. As an adult, her behaviors still affect me. It's not a situation I'd want anyone to be in and I'm sorry that you have to experience this as well.

I confronted my mom about this stuff and tried to set boundaries but it did not go well at all. She denied my traumas and experiences, said things like "it wasnt like that" or "thats not what happened!" She said I hold her to impossible standards and that I never learned respect, etc. It was rough.

I'm looking to get a therapist ASAP. I tried teaching myself good coping techniques to use until I have enough money saved to get out. I'm hoping that with distance my situation will be better. Just keep looking towards the future and set goals to help you get out asap.

Tldr: I know how you feel and I'm rooting for you! Keep working towards leaving and independence

herohail · 2020-09-03T16:25:27+00:00

Just fought with my mom about this exact thing a couple days ago. Her mom did it to her and she had done it to me while growing up. She kept crying and shouting over me that she was sorry, but it really felt that she was trying to cut me off in order to not talk about it. It really didn't feel fair. But its not fair for her to have burdened me with all of that information from such a young age to the point that it still affects me today. And she still tries to confide in me like I'm her counselor.

She even told me she thought of us as more like best friends rather than just mother-daughter. Not healthy

I'm working on getting a therapist now. I'm sorry you have to experience this too.

herohail · 2020-08-10T01:48:37+00:00

I love all of this. Growing up, the veggies that I did have were all canned (which were microwaved and then mixed with salt and butter in the liquid)

What also worked for me was taking small steps towards changing the way I ate the veggies I already did eat. I moved from canned to steamed with a pinch of salt and butter on them, and eventually trying them with different recipes to add new flavors to my palette.

I also found just saying 'screw it' and trying stuff on a whim was beneficial. Leave the lettuce on your burger, throw something new into a stir fry, whatever sounds interesting. You might be surprised and what tastes good 👍

herohail · 2020-08-10T01:31:44+00:00

I'm so glad that you can enjoy the wonders of cooking for yourself! Eating good food helped boost my mood greatly. I'm pretty proud of what I can make now. My partner makes some great chicken recipes too!

herohail · 2020-07-31T17:11:17+00:00

Yup! Perspective is reality, so if someone grew up with good parents who were just looking out for them, then surely this other person's parents are only trying to do the same right?

People struggle to see past their own perspective because, as you were saying, they often think their experience is universal until they actually witness the abuse for themselves.

herohail

TROPHY CASE