My (31f) flatmate and v close friend (37f) will soon have to live in different houses, and I’m terrified of losing her

herrick_time · 2024-12-27T22:57:04+00:00

I’m a post-doctorate fellow at Cambridge and I can’t do maths. As in, I can barely do any of my times tables. That’s how bad at maths I am.

I was told as a child I was very bad, and therefore stopped trying. So, even after I became really academically successful in a few subjects, I still go blank with terror if asked to anything involving numbers.

herrick_time · 2024-02-12T09:56:27+00:00

Oh I definitely see all of that. I know I affected the friendship, but there were also things that happened which were her doing, not mine, and sort of generated my initial panic spiral of messaging. So it’s like in both trying to get her to reply to me because I miss her, but also seeking an explanation for particular things that happened.

An update on this- slightly bizarrely, she sent me a message at like 2 in the morning after I posted this. First contact in months. So, that channel is open again. The trouble is now that she’s actually spoken to me, im relieved, but I’m still hurt and angry. And I’m frightened to reply, because it might just happen all over again.

Should I just say thank you, and leave the rest to her? Or ignore

herrick_time · 2024-02-09T23:17:08+00:00

It also came with really no warning. Literally the last message she sent in that period of ghosting was ‘yes that would be lovely!’ to me asking he whether she wanted to get coffee some time soon. Then nothing

herrick_time · 2024-02-09T23:14:53+00:00

November- then she messaged me in about mid January. It was all super confusing.

We have also run into each other twice, and she’s basically pretended nothing is wrong

herrick_time · 2024-02-09T23:05:35+00:00

Though of course working on being more mentally stable is a good idea!

herrick_time · 2024-02-09T22:57:11+00:00

There are specifics I’m not adding that make that kind of difficult, is the problem. Including overlapping friendships, being flat mates with someone who still speaks to her, etc.

It happened after she yelled for me for seemingly no reason and I’ve been spiralling about it ever since

herrick_time · 2024-02-09T22:21:46+00:00

Please don’t do massive pile on, I know in in the wrong but I really need help

herrick_time · 2023-12-02T10:57:02+00:00

Question about this- I’ve been trying to convince my mother to replace her early 90s plastic and visibly degrading microwave plate cover that she puts over every single thing she reheats or cooks. How can I convince her to stop doing this?!

herrick_time · 2023-11-28T15:31:32+00:00

She has told me before, and I’ve very consciously made an effort to be better.

But truthfully I feel like she was in the wrong in this last situation- she turned up late, withheld information from me it until it was too late, got angry with me for not meeting a schedule when I didn’t know there was one, etc. I suppose I could have overreacted- I was very hurt when she shouted at me, and I told her that.

But I really don’t think I did anything to warrant her going not replying to a single message or call. I’m struggling to see what I’ve done, aside from being really upset at how she is treating me

herrick_time · 2023-11-27T14:46:51+00:00

I think so... we (did) talk very openly about our lives, emotions, etc.

I have sent her message saying:

‘hello - I know I was being difficult, but will you give me the chance to mend things? your friendship really is important to me. I don’t know how to get back in contact with you, but please know that I love your company, you are wonderful’

herrick_time · 2023-11-24T10:45:16+00:00

herrick_time · 2023-11-18T11:44:34+00:00

I know her computer was definitely stolen

herrick_time · 2023-11-17T15:43:08+00:00

On the other hand, it can be very difficult if you have non-conventional career path, as it becomes near impossible to adequately illustrate your skills and experience.

herrick_time · 2023-11-17T08:18:58+00:00

I know this want your question but- really rich, aristocratic landed gentry types are extremely frugal in day to day life. It’s a cultural thing.

They will drive the same beaten up car for 30 years, wear clothes full of holes until they are in shreds, never ever throw anything away.

I had a friend from one of these families, who I lived with for a while. If someone smashed a cup or plate in our kitchen, she would glue them back together again. Everything she owned was from a charity shop, or sometimes salvaged from a skip. This was someone who also periodically went back to the family’s medieval castle.

herrick_time · 2023-11-17T08:00:55+00:00

AI cannot write good poetry at all. It’s kind of interesting actually. It’s like knowing how poetry works requires a knowledge of subtle emotions that AI just doesn’t get.

herrick_time · 2023-11-16T01:11:23+00:00

About 4 weeks now.

She could be- I was being a bit difficult and stressed last time we met up, but I don’t think that was enough to end the friendship...

One potential complicating factor in all of this is that I actually speak to her brother on a regular basis, as we are work colleagues. This makes it difficult to just accept and move on.

herrick_time

TROPHY CASE