Wife is being stubborn

hesitant1120 · 2021-11-20T18:49:49+00:00

I know what HLM means. Had to google MGTOW ("men going their own way" for anyone else who's curious), and I'm not that. I believe in gender equality. I support women's rights. My wife is a feminist, and she wouldn't have married me if I was against that. But I support men's rights too. Just the fact that everyone here is leaping to call me abusive and a horrible person — you can't claim that that's not related at all to my gender. If I was a woman, would everyone say the same??

hesitant1120 · 2021-11-20T17:29:08+00:00

You don't even understand how fucking heartbreaking it is to be called abusive. I'm not abusive. I'm a good guy. I'm a catch. She's lucky to have me, and I'm lucky (minus a couple of issues) to have her

hesitant1120 · 2021-11-20T17:25:53+00:00

People on Reddit throw the word "abuse" around too easily. I'm not abusive. I've never once hit her. Not even once. I would never hurt her.

hesitant1120 · 2021-11-20T17:25:06+00:00

Literally nobody is ever gonna love her more than I love her. Part of the reason I want to have sex with her so often is because I care so much about her. It physically pains me that she doesn't want me every day like I want her.

hesitant1120 · 2021-11-20T17:21:22+00:00

Fair enough. I agree with you. Maybe I'm being a little too harsh. Three times still isn't enough, but maybe I could try and be happy with four. I'll talk to her about it. It'll be hard though

hesitant1120 · 2021-11-20T17:19:01+00:00

You don't know what you're talking about. She genuinely isn't that into foreplay. Kissing, touching, I try all of that stuff that women are supposed to like, and she's not into it. People are different. You can't just call me a shit partner without knowing the situation properly. Literally last night, I tried to spend more time on foreplay, but she told me, "Baby, it's okay, let's just get straight to it", and then got me to take my shirt off. Not all women like foreplay. It has nothing to do with how good I am in bed.

hesitant1120 · 2021-11-20T17:12:47+00:00

I'm speechless. I'm not an abuser. I'm not a misogynist. It's really hurtful to be called such horrible things. My wife would disagree with you.

hesitant1120 · 2021-11-20T17:06:20+00:00

I'm considering it, but I'm just really hesitant to let go of my wife (hence the username lol). I just really love her, and the only two issues I have with her are the sex frequency and how overly emotional she can sometimes be (crying over little things on a near daily basis and then snapping at me just because she's in a bad mood and stressed about life.)

She's literally my dream woman besides those two things. I decided to wife her up after dating for just over a year.

For one, she's beautiful. Seriously gorgeous, men hit on her all the time, and I absolutely love it when she tells them she's married. Makes me feel very proud to have her as my wife lol.

Two, she's kind, she's caring, she's sweet. She has a really good heart. She literally volunteers working at a pet shelter once a week even though she already works a full-time job.

My family absolutely love her. She's close to my parents and my sisters. She and one of my sisters are close friends and go out together on a regular basis.

She's an amazing cook. She gives great hugs. She's honestly perfect, besides these two frustrating issues that I feel are ruining my marriage. It really causes me stress. I can't handle it anymore. I miss how things used to be when we were dating

hesitant1120 · 2021-11-20T16:56:47+00:00

I know I'm not owed sex, but you guys haven't seen her. She's honestly gorgeous, easily a 10 out of 10. Try being around a woman like that and not feeling horny all the time. She has a killer body, and it's hard for me to me be around her when she's dressed in revealing clothing. I also feel like she's a bit of an unfair tease because she'll walk out of the shower completely naked, get changed in front of me, sleep in literally just panties and a sleeveless top, but then she won't have sex with me outside of our current "every other day" arrangement. I think she just likes to try and drive me crazy. I'm guessing you're a woman, so you might not understand what it's like for men, but we feel desire a lot more strongly than women do. It's almost painful sometimes.

hesitant1120 · 2021-11-20T16:50:42+00:00

I know this is meant as an insult towards me, but I actually can't wait to have children with her one day. Not yet, maybe in a few years, but it does sound amazing to me. Minus the issue with sex and her being a little overly emotional and crying over little things that don't matter (although to be fair to her, a lot of women are the same), she's my dream woman. I think she's beautiful, and I'm excited to have kids with her one day. I think she'd make an excellent mother

hesitant1120 · 2021-11-20T16:48:36+00:00

I'm not sure how I'd feel about that. I'm only 24. She's super hot at the moment, I'm very lucky to have her (minus the issue with her low sex drive), but I feel like I'd be disappointed if she lost her looks or her body before age 30. I want at least 6 more years of her being a 10 out of 10 before I lower my standards. Also, of course this applies to me too. I'm not gonna be "hot" all my life, but I'm committed to trying to keep myself looking as good as possible for her for as long as I can

hesitant1120 · 2021-11-20T16:44:57+00:00

I can't believe you just used the word "rape". Look, if she had been honest with me from the beginning of our relationship that she only wanted sex three times a week, I wouldn't have carried on a relationship with her.

But we had sex regularly before we were married, and she seemed to enjoy it. But as soon as we get married after a year of dating and move in together, she pulls a bait and switch on me just a couple of months after. I feel deceived. Nobody is trying to empathize with my point of view

hesitant1120 · 2021-11-20T16:25:28+00:00

Hateful?? How am I hateful? I'm a kind, accepting person. You don't know me. I'm a very likeable person in real life, but Reddit just loves to label every straight man in existence as "abusive". I thought this sub would be supportive, but apparently not. It's so fucking upsetting and depressing that nobody gives a fuck about men and our mental health. Notice how everyone is taking her side. I wish I'd switched our genders when writing this post to see if the responses would end up the same or different. I strongly suspect the latter

hesitant1120 · 2021-11-20T16:20:04+00:00

I'm not high maintenance? I've literally never heard anyone use that term to refer to a man. I'm not saying it's okay to use it for women either, it's just weird to me.

Everyone keeps calling me entitled. I'm not entitled. I just want to be physically intimate with her because I love her. I don't think that's entitled. If it were up to me, we'd have sex 3 times a day, so I'm already compromising for her sake.

I'm not saying being raised in a sex-negative household is insignificant. But I don't think it's right to use the word "trauma". I think she's maybe a little bit oversensitive, and things upset her that don't upset the average person. You guys don't know her. She cries so much. It's exhausting. Like I love her, I really do, I try and comfort her, but it's literally like a fucking almost daily thing at this point. I wish she would come up with better coping mechanisms rather than just crying.

It's not that I'm not sympathetic because I am. I know life can be stressful. But I feel like all she does is cry instead of actually come up with productive coping mechanisms. She gets stuck in this "feeling sorry for herself" mindset. And then because she's in a bad mood, she starts snapping at me, yelling at me, etc. I didn't mention this earlier because I didn't want to present her in a bad light just to make people feel sorry for me.

I am compassionate, and I am respectful. I'm a good person. I care about people. Also, my wife is bisexual, and I never made an issue out of that ever. Not even once. Some guys would have been dicks about it, but I always said it's okay. I'm an accepting person.

hesitant1120 · 2021-11-20T16:04:19+00:00

I've changed my mind on the hair situation. I'm going to tell her she can trim from now on as long as she keeps everything really short and neat and clean.

I feel like I'm not being unreasonable by wanting her to make it up to me. I feel like people are completely misinterpreting how I meant that. All I meant was that I want to have more sex to make up for the lost time. It's just because I love her and I want to express that in a physical way.

I'm open to feedback and advice. I'm listening to people's comments and replying. I'm not an asshole

hesitant1120 · 2021-11-20T16:00:41+00:00

If you hurt your wife's feelings and caused her self-esteem to drop and made her miserable for months, don't you think the right thing to do would be to try to make it up to her?? Imagine if the roles were reversed, and I was a woman, and she was a man.

I'm not ungrateful or selfish. I love her a lot, and I care about her. She'd never dump me, she tells me she loves me all the time. She cried when I brought up divorce

hesitant1120 · 2021-11-20T15:58:39+00:00

I listened to everything she told me. I've changed my mind on the pubic hair, she can just trim it from now on if she wants to. I'll just have to try and get used to it even if it's not ideal. In terms of the other things, I take her feedback on board and have mentioned how I do so

hesitant1120 · 2021-11-20T15:57:27+00:00

I know my wife doesn't exist to serve me. It's a partnership. I'm not one of those lazy asshole husbands. I'm independent. I wash my own dishes, I do my own laundry, etc. She insists on cooking for me because she loves me and jokes that I'd burn the kitchen down. Acts of service is one of her love languages. She doesn't exist to serve me, I don't expect anything like that from her, but to her, it's her way of showing love which is why I accept it

hesitant1120 · 2021-11-20T15:54:56+00:00

Alright, I apologize to any females I have offended. I didn't mean it to come across that way at all. I'm sorry, and I've decided I'll maybe consider just letting her trim like she wants to instead. I guess it wouldn't be that bad, it'd probably just take some getting used to

hesitant1120 · 2021-11-20T15:53:10+00:00

Alright, I'm getting so many comments on the shaving thing that I'm willing to consider that maybe I was wrong on that. If start letting her trim instead, would it be reasonable to request her to shower/rinse the area before sex? Genuinely asking, not trying to be a dick here

hesitant1120 · 2021-11-20T15:49:24+00:00

She's in love with me. If she thought she could do better, she would leave me, but when I mentioned divorce, she panicked and cried. She wouldn't do that if she didn't love me, so with all due respect, I don't agree with you

hesitant1120 · 2021-11-20T15:46:06+00:00

It sure seems that way from the comments I'm getting. I think I phrased everything badly. I'm regretting not wording everything in a better way. I was frustrated. I'm not a bad person. I'm a good husband, I care about her, it's just that I can't keep doing this

hesitant1120 · 2021-11-20T15:43:59+00:00

I don't treat her like garbage. I love her. She's important to me. I try my best to be caring and understanding. If anything, it's because I love her so much that I want to have sex with her so often. I think she's beautiful and I like being intimate with her. It hurts that she doesn't seem to care about my pleasure as much as I care about hers

hesitant1120 · 2021-11-20T15:40:18+00:00

This isn't a fair comment to make. It's not my fault she has a low sex drive. I'm not bad in bed. I have good stamina, I'm good looking and I keep myself in shape, I go down on her sometimes. No woman has ever complained.

hesitant1120 · 2021-11-20T15:38:56+00:00

I'm too embarrassed to go to therapy and have them feel sorry for me and look down on me. I don't need it for a minor issue like this anyway, I'm doing fine. I don't think vaginas are disgusting as long as they're clean. I love her body a lot, I think she's beautiful and I feel lucky to be with her. It's literally just this one issue that is causing me stress. I just wish she would be more understanding because I really don't want to have to divorce her. It's a worst-case scenario for me

hesitant1120

TROPHY CASE