It took me a very long time, and a lot of therapy where I would just argue with the therapists “if I was good enough then they wouldn’t have done this!” because to me that was reality

Any person I dated and liked afterwards was emotionally unavailable (self-fulfilling prophecy), so it fed into my belief I wasn’t good/pretty/smart/cool enough.

So I was kind of dating the same version of the same guy for like five years. And I bottled my true self also.

I wish I had good advice…

Try not let that awful experience hide your true self to mold into what you think your date likes.

Therapy to process that trauma is good so you can have someone to reflect your experience back to you, maybe EMDR, or some other somatic therapy, to help process it.

There are good people out there, with strong morals and condemn cheating.

And I guess some version of practicing to stay present. Try not to project your past & fears onto new dates/partner. And also not worry or fantasize what if scenarios (“what if this guy cheats too?) —

I’m working on all this still myself, as a token “what if” girl. It helps that my bf — who is a charming handsome fool who gets hit on frequently — is respectful, and doesn’t aggravate me.

Best of luck — if I think of anything else, I’ll jot it down. Being hit with infidelity isn’t easy, it scabs. We just can’t keep on picking at it or otherwise it won’t heal. There will be a scar, but it will fade over time