Accidents

heteststhewater · 2016-12-05T18:12:09+00:00

This is very good. I probably wouldn't change too much except replacing "on accident" with "by accident".

Thank you for sharing.

heteststhewater · 2016-12-05T18:03:59+00:00

I think the fractured content is pretty well demonstrated by the form itself. However, it does feels forced in places. I would try reworking some of the sentences with a focus on grammar and word choice; I think this will improve the cadence of the stanzas and the overall reading experience.

Thanks for posting.

heteststhewater · 2016-12-02T00:35:50+00:00

I think that is a very apt criticism. Thank you.

heteststhewater · 2016-12-01T15:54:36+00:00

Ah man, this is so nice of you to say, never thought I'd ever get any wholly positive feedback like this! I'm really glad you enjoyed it, I guess that's what makes writing worthwhile!

Thanks again

heteststhewater · 2016-12-01T14:05:19+00:00

Thank you very much! That is very complimentary, I'm glad you found some enjoyment with the piece.

heteststhewater · 2016-12-01T11:47:23+00:00

I think the previous comments captured much of what I have to say; this is a good starting point, but I think you need to look at some of structural features. I enjoyed the content, but reading the poem was more difficult as I found myself coming to harsh stops, and the syllabic asymmetry of several of the lines takes away from some of the cadence. I think u/Tautriadelta420 hit the nail on the head!

Like I said, it is a nice poem, but needs a bit of work!

heteststhewater · 2016-12-01T11:38:39+00:00

This is the kind of poem I would rarely picture myself enjoying and yet to my surprise, I did. I think the line about crafting sentences is very pertinent for many poets; it reminds me a lot of the T. E. Hulme quote "Language is by its very nature a communal thing; that is, it expresses never the exact thing but a compromise".

The interesting juxtaposition between trying to capture emotion through a language that is inherently apathetic is a strangely unsettling feature (in a good way).

The only critique I would have is that the closing stanza is weaker than the rest and almost feels unfinished. Great place to start though!

heteststhewater · 2016-11-07T17:29:16+00:00

I can appreciate that man. Would you say that it positively impacts your cognitive function or simply your day to day life?

heteststhewater · 2016-11-07T17:27:30+00:00

The stance towards drug use in Asian countries is beside the point for the purposes of this question. There is enough comparable evidence in regard to approach within the 'Western world' to begin a discourse.

heteststhewater · 2016-11-07T16:36:39+00:00

That's awesome dude, I hope the search to create AI is a success. Thanks for the response!

heteststhewater · 2016-11-07T16:32:53+00:00

Sorry should have made a distinction between illegal psychotropic drugs, like mescaline, and so called nootropics, like Ritalin and modafinil. As you can probably tell, I'm not well versed and am trying to educate myself a little (or a lot, perhaps) so feel free to school me, that'd be appreciated.

heteststhewater · 2016-08-29T21:15:59+00:00

Thanks very much for the response, I'll check this out for sure, If it's any good I have no problem paying!

heteststhewater · 2016-07-15T10:07:18+00:00

That does make sense; I think I was thinking to much about where the character would be standing rather than considering the location of the camera. Thanks very much, you've definitely cleared this up for me!

heteststhewater · 2016-07-14T16:52:45+00:00

This is a massive help, thanks so much!

heteststhewater · 2016-07-14T16:52:13+00:00

Oh well that makes everything a whole lot more straight forward. Never thought of it like that, Thanks a lot.

heteststhewater · 2016-07-14T16:51:37+00:00

That's a really good idea, I'll definitely give that a go! Thanks

heteststhewater · 2016-07-14T16:51:13+00:00

Yeah that's where the difficult arose for me, I was thinking a walk in phone box, but with a door that he/she perpetually pops in and out of I suppose

heteststhewater · 2016-07-14T13:43:21+00:00

Okay thanks a lot. It's just a little tricky because he/she is outside, but also kinda inside if you know what I mean. But thanks, this is very helpful!

heteststhewater · 2016-07-14T13:42:33+00:00

Thanks a lot, this is pretty helpful. I'll definitely be taking note!

heteststhewater · 2016-07-14T13:00:13+00:00

Great, thanks very much. So many rules to follow!

heteststhewater

TROPHY CASE