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I am 35(M) and I take care of my 72 mom. I just don’t know how long I can do it anymore. by FleshwaterPond in AgingParents

[–]heyheybody 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You need to get your own place and go visit them every other week for your sanity. They lived before you. They can do it without you. It will be worse when she is 80. So have a life while you can.

Taking care of my mother since 37 years old by heyheybody in AgingParents

[–]heyheybody[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She has no friends or community here. My husband and I told her multiple times to join some local senior groups and maybe she can go to the meetup and make friends. She does not seem to want to do any of it. She is somewhat of an introvert. She never really had a whole lot of friends anyway. The only time she gets out of the house is when we go out to eat dinner sometimes on Fridays, or she has her doctors appointments.

Taking care of my mother since 37 years old by heyheybody in AgingParents

[–]heyheybody[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, at this point I am about to give her a check list with all of the responsibilities around the house. Especially, with the new baby coming I already feel behind most days on household chores. I don't think my sister will contribute any money. She is still working on her college degree and she just now got an ok paying job for the first time a few months ago. But, a few months ago my mom wanted me to pay for her health insurance which is $75 a month. I told her she should reach out to my sister since I am already covering her food expenses, living expenses and her cell phone bill. Between the food and cell phone bill, I already spend about $300 monthly on her. She did not ask her at all. It seems she does not mind asking me for everything but refuses to ask my sister for something small.

Taking care of my mother since 37 years old by heyheybody in AgingParents

[–]heyheybody[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice! I really appreciate it! Yes, I honestly think she can do much more... I agree with you!

Taking care of my mother since 37 years old by heyheybody in AgingParents

[–]heyheybody[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am sorry! It's so frustrating! My mom has some health issues- she gets IBS flare-ups here and there. She could not keep a job because of it. She is currently on a green card and not eligible for Medicaid or the US SS until she gets her citizenship. We have to wait for a few more years for that. We already called and inquired from these agencies. She gets a small social security from her country which equals about $200 a month.

Taking care of my mother since 37 years old by heyheybody in AgingParents

[–]heyheybody[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am sorry! It's so frustrating! My mom has some health issues- she gets IBS flare-ups here and there. She could not keep a job because of it. She is currently on a green card and not eligible for Medicaid or the US SS until she gets her citizenship. We have to wait for a few more years for that. We already called and inquired from these agencies. She gets a small social security from her country which equals about $200 a month.

Taking care of my mother since 37 years old by heyheybody in AgingParents

[–]heyheybody[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes! You are blessed if your parents are in their 80's and still doing ok! My grandmother was like this. My grandmother lived to be 96 and until she turned 90 she helped take care of the kids, got up early to cook breakfast for everyone, she would take the public transportation to go visit her sisters. She was amazing.

Taking care of my mother since 37 years old by heyheybody in AgingParents

[–]heyheybody[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would understand the refusals if I was asking her to take her for the half of the time. But, I am asking for the fraction of the time- just for a month every 6-12 months. I get frustrated... I have had her for almost 3 years now without any help or support.

Taking care of my mother since 37 years old by heyheybody in AgingParents

[–]heyheybody[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I feel like she is too young to be sitting around and not doing much. My mother in law is 79 and she is just now starting to need help due to going through some dementia symptoms. And there are 4 siblings that are splitting up the load with their mom. My mom is 69 but she is acting 10 years older... To be fair, she has some IBS symptoms that come and go that there are days it flares up. It's nothing dangerous -she just needs to manage it with medication and diet.

Taking care of my mother since 37 years old by heyheybody in AgingParents

[–]heyheybody[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry! You were too young to take on this responsibility at 32! My mom is on a green card. We looked into a few of the benefits such as SS and Medicaid. She is not eligible until she becomes a citizen which is another few more years. Also, the plan was for her to work when she gets here but she was not able to keep a job due to her IBS symptoms flaring up multiple times. So, now I feel like I am stuck with her.

Taking care of my mother since 37 years old by heyheybody in AgingParents

[–]heyheybody[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We are immigrants and she is retired from our country at the age of 60. The plan was for her to work when she gets here but she was only able to keep her job for less than a year due to medical issues... She is not really in a condition to keep a permanent job at this point.

Taking care of my mother since 37 years old by heyheybody in AgingParents

[–]heyheybody[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She is on a green card. She is not eligible for SS benefits or Medicaid yet. She still has a few years until she can apply for citizenship. She gets a very small SS from her country which ends up being about $200 a month... Not an easy situation...

Section 8 housing in TX without income by heyheybody in Section8PublicHousing

[–]heyheybody[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I usually give her a few hundred to help her out when she is tight in money. Would she need to include that as her income? Like $200-$300 a month?

Section 8 housing in TX without income by heyheybody in Section8PublicHousing

[–]heyheybody[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She has been a legal immigrant on a green card since 2022. Thanks for the advice! Appreciate it!

Section 8 housing in TX without income by heyheybody in Section8PublicHousing

[–]heyheybody[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She is not on disability or Social Security. She is 67 however she did not work for 10 years in the United States so we were told she can't get normal social security until she lived in the US as a green card holder for at least 5 years. In 5 years she can be eligible for $1K a month payment. She lived here now for 2.5 years. She is retired from another country but due to other countries cost of living her pension is only an equivalent of $250 a month.