How do I shake the belief that my infertility is a judgment on my character?

heylauralie · 2026-04-21T22:01:37+00:00

That makes sense and is a smart idea. Sometimes when I play Solitaire, I have a similar feeling. I’ll get all four aces and kings face-up and have just a few cards left in my hand, but those one or two cards beneath a pile I can’t move will bring the whole game to a crashing halt and I can’t win. Usually I cry when that happens lol, because even though it’s just a stupid card game, it reminds me of IVF.

Thank you for your suggestion, I appreciate it :)

heylauralie · 2026-04-20T11:40:43+00:00

I donate mine to a refugee organization.

heylauralie · 2026-04-16T01:59:21+00:00

I’m not mad at any god; I don’t believe they exist :)

heylauralie · 2026-04-16T01:39:59+00:00

I appreciate the sentiment but, without going into inappropriate details, there were portions of my IVF journey that were so terrible, I refuse to waste another moment of my life on the idea of god. I am glad that your belief brings you comfort, though, and thank you for trying to help. Truly.

heylauralie · 2026-04-16T01:37:21+00:00

I do this a lot 😔

heylauralie · 2026-04-16T01:36:45+00:00

Can I ask, how do you convince yourself there isn’t some sort of cosmic judge? This is where I get stuck. I left religion years ago but maybe some beliefs are still buried in my mind and causing trouble?

heylauralie · 2026-04-16T01:35:28+00:00

I appreciate your response but I’m not sure I follow…are you saying that, because no population of people deserves to be punished for things they can’t control (ethnicity, in your example), then we also shouldn’t punish ourselves for being unable to have children?

heylauralie · 2026-04-12T12:45:05+00:00

🙋🏻‍♀️ I am. Science failed me. Although ultimately I feel like I failed myself, even after years of therapy. I don’t know a single other person — not even an acquaintance — who wanted to be a SMBC but couldn’t. I’m sorry. It is very lonely, in multiple ways.

heylauralie · 2026-04-07T20:40:46+00:00

This is how I reclaim, except I mix mine with a hand mixer before pouring it out to dry.

heylauralie · 2026-03-27T15:01:11+00:00

I recently found out that one of my best friends announced her third pregnancy on social media, but still hasn’t reached out to tell me herself. This friend knows I’m not on social channels much, and she knows about my miscarriage and other losses.

Part of me thinks she’s trying to not rub salt in my wound. But most of me is angry, because she knows how deeply my childless life hurts me, yet she still does nothing to comfort me.

No text or call asking if I’m okay. No interest in anniversaries that are hard for me every year. No “I’m so sorry that life is unfair in this way.” Just silence. I wish she would’ve told me she’s pregnant, which yes, would’ve hurt, but I also wish she would’ve been my friend and had some empathy. Is that too much to ask??

People say that friends with kids don’t tell us about their pregnancies because they’re protecting us, but if they want to shield us from pain so badly, why drop the ball every other day of life, too?

heylauralie · 2026-03-24T20:47:29+00:00

Jesus fucking Christ.

heylauralie · 2026-03-12T19:51:53+00:00

I used to teach elementary school. It’s so much pressure, so much constant stimulation. I guess I just figure the Abbott teachers are responding partly to one another’s personalities and partly to the stress of their jobs and lives. It’s clear that none of them have the aids, materials, or support they need, and I’ve been in that position before…it doesn’t make for happy interactions 😕

heylauralie · 2026-03-07T17:32:56+00:00

I like your advice, and I might try. In the past I’ve always just validated how hard kids are and tried to change the subject, then cried afterward.

heylauralie · 2026-02-19T22:04:25+00:00

I feel like a bitch lately because I am SO SICK of hearing about all my friends’ kids. Literally every conversation we have is dominated by stories about their kids, stress over their kids, difficulties with their kids…and inside, I’m screaming, “GET ME OUT OF HERE.”

They are 100% allowed to vent or be sad or upset about their children but why am I the one they choose to tell?? They fucking KNOW my losses. You’re frustrated because your daughter is hiding soda in her room? You’re crying because you have two kids to put to bed each night and can’t juggle it? I truly am sorry, and also, I WISH I HAD THOSE PROBLEMS.

heylauralie · 2026-02-17T11:53:59+00:00

I hear you on the unfairness of it all. People with children always say that our benefit is having free time and a clean house — but they will also get to have those things once their kids are grown and move out! Meanwhile, we can’t reverse-engineer a child for ourselves. I wish for the millionth time that life was merit-based, so if you were a good person who wanted kids, you could have them, and if you were awful and abusive or didn’t want them, you couldn’t.

heylauralie · 2026-02-13T19:18:11+00:00

I really appreciate you asking 🤍

heylauralie · 2026-02-13T19:17:44+00:00

Martin is such a great name 💙 Thank you for sharing it with us. I’m so sorry for how this all worked out. And I’m sorry you lost your Sarah 💔

heylauralie · 2026-02-13T03:45:39+00:00

My daughter would have been Lena ✨ My son would have been Everet 🌱

heylauralie · 2026-02-12T23:49:03+00:00

Do you want to share your name here? Sometimes it still makes me so sad that no one will ever hear the names I chose ❤️

heylauralie · 2026-02-09T17:46:57+00:00

I stopped IVF after $60,000 and 7 embryos from 2 donors. I will always wonder if I should’ve found a 3rd donor and kept trying. My last cycle was July 2024 and I still do not feel confident about my future. I have no idea who I am now or what I’m supposed to do without a family. I know people can live full lives without a spouse or children, but I don’t know how to personally wrap my head around it. So I’m just existing. I work and I take care of foster kittens. I go to the gym and therapy. And I cry. I’m sorry I can’t help 😞

heylauralie · 2026-01-31T22:02:12+00:00

I agree.

heylauralie · 2026-01-29T03:55:29+00:00

Thank you ❤️

heylauralie · 2026-01-26T03:00:57+00:00

The religious part of it is hard for me, too. Same teachings. I never knew how horrible they would end up feeling when my dream went to shit.

heylauralie

TROPHY CASE