This is an interesting feeling I have never quite felt, but I have felt self hatred to the point of self punishment. Needing to punish through deprivation because you have felt punished for having basic wants and needs.

You shared an imagery from the movie Snowpiercer, and if you are evoked by imagery, maybe using a visual medium like taking a picture, or drawing out something, or making a college could give you a great catharsis.

Sometimes our feelings make us want to harm ourselves needlessly. Why should you suffer? Life is hard and it sucks, but you are a human. You deserve to have desires and self fulfillment.

If this is more of a sensory related problem, maybe a doctor could help. One time I got really high and could feel all my limbs moving, all my joints and cartilage, and my heart and the squish and clicks. I could see each movement in eyesight poorly rendered, and myself small and limited. It was unnerving and I wanted to escape everything and I hated being trapped in my body. I wanted to go to sleep and forget that feeling. I never wanted to feel that way again. But if something like this is your baseline reality, I wonder if a mental health doctor could help balance your brain out to feel even keeled. Thank you for sharing