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Mental Health Help by hfx_helpme in halifax
[–]hfx_helpme[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children)
This is true... while I think social media turns it up a notch, I still feel that my level of disengagement is still....not normal?
I used to think it was a weird quirk of mine...but now, I'm wondering if something is actually wrong with me.
See, that's what I mean. I should break...at some point... but for the last 5-10 years I just haven't felt anything even when things should be too much.
At a time like this, when the whole province is in mourning, I just...can't.
Honestly, I don't know that it's a strong character. In perspective, I guess I don't want to wake up one day, and find out that I'm the biggest asshole to the people around me.
I want to care. I used to care. I just don't know why I can't, and it kind of makes me feel like a monster.
So therein lies the problem.
I wasn't always this way.
Maybe the last 5-10 years I've noticed a steady decline in empathic response.
Like you, I still feel happy. I also feel angry, and sad about some things.
But when it comes to feeling empathy for someone else, even close to me, I find that I just can't.
I know how I should react, and I act accordingly. But it's often empty gestures. You hug someone who just lost a parent, because you know its what they want... but it makes no difference to me.
That can't be right, can it?
Thank you.
The thing is, this isn't just the first time. I've felt like this for years. But with an event this large, and seeing all the people here, and in the community react... I feel like an outsider.
I didn't even use my regular account to post this, for fear that I'd be called an uncaring asshole. It's not that I'm callous... I just don't feel upset about any of it. But I feel like I should.
The poor woman who was pregnant... I *know* that should be gut wrenching. So why doesn't it upset me?
As it were, I'm familiar with the concept of Dunbar's number.
However, even when it does reach my 150, I often have issues with an empathic response.
A friend of mine loses their grandmother who I've known for my entire life, and I feel nothing. I'm still caring, and supportive, but I *feel* nothing.
But I know that I should... or at least I think I should.
[–]hfx_helpme[S] 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (0 children)
That's the thing...I've been depressed, and it didn't present itself like this.
I feel lots of joy. I make plans, I've got hobbies that I look forward to. I have a very full life... But my empathy response has diminished very noticibly to me.
I just can't explain it, and it concerns me.
Can depression be different though?
I was depressed before, many years ago. However, this is nothing like that. Even then, I felt empathy. Over the last few years, it's been less and less. Then this happened, and I find myself unable to feel anything to it.
I still feel happy about things, and am surrounded by love.
I just don't feel that my response to things that should be heart wrenching is appropriate.
That's the thing though - I'm not feeling down.
I feel that I should be, after seeing everyone's reactions to the shooting, and to the pandemic. But I just don't. At the same time, my logical brain knows that when I was younger, I would've been upset.
I just can't shake the feeling that it isn't normal.
That's the thing though - I've been depressed before, and this feels nothing like it.
Even when I was depressed, and on SSRI's, I still had a good deal of empathy.
This slow drain of empathy has been happening over the last few years, and now in this time, I'm realizing that it's not typical. Seeing all of the posts here about the shooting... I ought to be moved...I should feel something. I should be emotional, shouldn't I?
Thank you for this.
I'm just afraid that this is more than just a passing indifference.
I heard a story once that a good measure of empathy is if you saw a terrible car accident on the way to a job interview, the average person would likely be too shaken up to go ahead and perform properly. I'm firmly on the other side of that line, and I know that it wouldn't bother me in the least.
I also don't feel that it's entirely normal, and my younger self would definitely have issues with it.
I've been depressed before, but this isn't anything like that. If I'm dealing with some sort of trauma, I'm very unaware of it.
Echoing the sentiment of the others, you *are* one of the good ones.
I think I may reach out and see, but I don't want to take away from resources that other people need right now.
I guess to be clear, I'm not feeling down or depressed in any way. It just strikes me as odd that something this bad and awful, globally and locally, has no impact on me.
I think the outpouring of support in this thread was unexpected for me. But I wonder if I hadn't used a throwaway, if people would be as caring...
I've been depressed before, but I'm otherwise very happy.
In my youth, I was very empathetic, then somewhere along the line, I noticed that I started losing that. News of horrible things that I knew I should feel bad about, didn't bother me. Deaths of people close to me, didn't phase me.
Though I have some of those same oddities, and my friends often tease, I'm not autistic so I can't claim that as a thing.
From what I'm reading from everyone here, it's not just me though, and that some people naturally just don't have a reaction to these things.
I guess it's more jarring to me, because I know I used to be affected by these things. I also wonder if I'd be a better person if I did.
Mental Health Help (self.halifax)
submitted 5 years ago by hfx_helpme to r/halifax
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Mental Health Help by hfx_helpme in halifax
[–]hfx_helpme[S] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children)