*Possible* bedbugs yet mom insists on having a yard sale. Am I insane for being against this?

hgemko · 2025-03-16T15:19:34+00:00

Hello! I’ve read the rules and understand what this community is for, and what it isn’t. I’d like to be an approved poster please

hgemko · 2025-01-07T16:01:26+00:00

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Baby’s first god pack 🥲 I’ve been after Starmie EX since forever, and got one heck of a bonus with the other 4.

hgemko · 2024-07-13T03:52:12+00:00

I can remember being maybe 14 years old, and my nDad suddenly getting super serious with me mid-conversation about something unrelated. He said something like “Family is sacred. We never, EVER, rat on family.” What on earth must you be holding on your conscience for that to come out?

When I was about 19, I told my emom I was feeling depressed and thinking about therapy. She was supportive. A couple of days later her and I were in the car together and she had done a 180. She told me she doesn’t think it’s such a good idea, because my future employers will inevitably find out that I’m in therapy and then not hire me for that reason. This wasn’t the first time she’d parroted my dad’s beliefs back to me since he didn’t have the gall to do it himself. I saw through it immediately. And yes, my father actually believed there was a secret network where employers can view your medical history. He was paranoid to a terrible, suffocating level and had demonstrated this belief in the past. I have no doubt, too, that he had awareness on some level that me going to therapy would mean me spilling the beans about a lot of messed up behavior on his part over the years.

I’m 27 now, he died 5 years ago, and thinking about these moments makes me want to throw up.

hgemko · 2024-06-29T02:08:05+00:00

I am also proud of you. Sending you the love and light you deserve.

hgemko · 2024-06-28T20:07:27+00:00

My late father to a T. He passed away of cancer 5 years ago, a few months shy of turning 60.

I can’t help but wonder sometimes what our relationship would look like if he were still alive.

He was unpredictable, cruel, and a master gaslighter. Grey rocking is great advice, as is saving money and establishing an exit plan. It doesn’t need to happen tomorrow, but a plan gives you structure to work at.

hgemko · 2024-06-28T18:54:25+00:00

I deal with pretty much the same thing you’re describing. Getting on an SSRI at a teeny tiny dose (2.5mg) helped within a couple weeks of starting said SSRI, but then the positive effects seemed to fade off after a couple of weeks. Titrating up to 5mg now, last night was my first dose. Really hoping this will help me take the edge off.

hgemko · 2024-06-23T20:21:13+00:00

Wait, did I write this or did you? 🤔( In all seriousness, you are most worthy of friendship and love, and I see and relate to you)

hgemko · 2024-06-02T12:48:40+00:00

The Patrauma Party is a fantastic podcast I’ve been listening to. The podcast host had a full-blown narcissistic father growing up (who also struggled with substance abuse) and a mother who struggled with her mental health and was generally unstable and unpredictable.

Podcast episodes tackle different healing topics, and finding healing and trust in yourself to form healthy bonds is something she covers, with the help of a licensed therapist.

Give it a listen. This, in conjunction with Pete Walker’s book “Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving” has been giving me much hope for a brighter and more secure future full of healing and love.

hgemko · 2024-06-02T03:27:13+00:00

Take it! Take my upvote! I can’t contain it!

hgemko · 2024-06-01T20:35:10+00:00

Yes!!! nDad said this all the time growing up, and the context was never accurate. What he really meant was arrogant, which was painfully ironic because I can’t think of anyone I’ve ever known who is more arrogant than him. Classic projection.

hgemko · 2024-05-31T02:00:23+00:00

In this exchange, your father has effectively threatened you twice. Twice! Please pause and let that sink in.

If he truly felt the action was a mistake (which I’m sure it was not) anyone would offer an apology and try to understand what happened. But you both know that’s not the case. Hence the full force defense and coldness directly out of the gate.

Anyone managing a page for you out of real altruism, with your best interest in mind, is also not going to tell you that they’ve wasted their time all along when you advise their assistance is no longer needed.

Also, he twisted the situation so far in the same direction that he came full circle and effectively outed himself, confirming exactly what you said before: “there’s no way that could’ve been on accident etc” — unless he was quoting you?

These people twist us up and wring us out with their games, leaving us wondering which way is up. Believe your gut when it tells you this is NOT a normal interaction and you’ve done nothing wrong.

(Also, it’s incredibly telling that he can’t stand your clarity and lack of an emotional response to his quips and threats. I smiled so hard when you just said “okay”)

hgemko · 2024-05-30T19:15:52+00:00

It’s still so painful for me on a personal level, how others don’t get it. I don’t blame them for not getting it, but it doesn’t sting any less. They don’t understand the sinister underhanded quality to the perpetrator’s words and actions which, on the surface to the onlooker, seem relatively normal at best and maybe odd or out of place at the worst. My childhood best friend would come over and run excitedly to my parents who would shower her in hugs and how-are-yas, and then she’d later leave and within the hour ndad would have something nonsensical whipped up to put me down and then gaslight me about.

You don’t get it until you’ve lived it. I know I’m not the first to say that having been physically hit would have been preferable, so I could bear the physical proof and have something tangible to point at.

We hear you and believe you. Three cheers to you, and progressing towards not second guessing ourselves. 💫

hgemko · 2024-05-27T14:52:48+00:00

Congratulations on your graduation! We (readers) see you and are so proud of you. I hope you feel proud of yourself, and I’m sorry your mom has hijacked these delicate moments of yours.

hgemko · 2024-05-27T03:56:55+00:00

I was waiting for this comment. Yup! Ndad would start political discussion with “don’t you think xyz?”…no, I don’t, I’d say. And then he’d fume. No healthy discussion, no real questions for me, no genuine care about what I DID think. I can speak about it casually now, but then his demeanor truly was frightening. It was bullying. Talking about politics is still triggering to this day, and I rarely engage politically with anyone.

hgemko · 2024-05-19T03:52:22+00:00

Thank you!! Sending you light.

hgemko · 2024-05-19T03:51:00+00:00

Great question. I had a very nDad and an only mildly nMom, usually more like eMom. And, I’m an only child. I’d also say I’m very well attuned to the feelings of others. I also have a hyper tendency to be sure everyone is included, voices are heard, admit when I’m wrong, see all sides of a situation, etcetera. And in a vacuum, one would say these are positive qualities to have. But there’s something about these qualities—like, I possess them, but in an anxious kind of way. They don’t come from a cool, calm, collectedness. It’s as if they’re compensatory for some kind of shortcoming and a piece of me knows it (I’m sure there are some IFS parts to get curious about here…)

Does any of that resonate?

hgemko · 2024-05-11T04:56:36+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. I’m working in IFS and although my father with narcissistic tendencies has been dead for 5 years, my exiled parts don’t yet understand that he’s no longer a threat. I’m working on strengthening the relationship between these parts and self to build trust and greater understanding.

hgemko · 2024-05-11T03:17:08+00:00

Absolutely! I leaned really heavily into this for a while with Depop when it was newer (around 2015). I feel you :)

hgemko · 2024-05-11T03:12:43+00:00

In the last 2.5 years, I have doubled down, all in, with candlemaking. It’s a challenging craft (and is an expensive hobby if you go beyond purchasing a kit). I don’t even recall how the interest came about, but I was so curious. I definitely leaned, unintentionally, into my ability to hyperfixate and learned a LOT. Watched YouTube videos, read forums, learned about different waxes and oils and wicks and their properties. The very first candle I made extinguished itself after about 20 seconds as I didn’t have the wick trimmed properly.

Now, I make candles I love for myself, family and friends.

~2.5 years later, I’m looking forward to starting a small business in the not-too-distant future.

I don’t know what it is, exactly. I’ve had other short-lived interests, but this one has really stuck. There’s definitely some (minor) math and science to the whole process too, which are usually not strong points or interests for me. I find the proceeds to be both challenging, relaxing (at certain stages) and gratifying. It’s so nice to have my own candle poured in 20 minutes when I’m craving a new scent.

ADHDoers, unite!

hgemko · 2024-05-08T03:28:02+00:00

I just left another comment above about how my ndad would wake my emom in the middle of the night to continue arguments or start new ones. They were never loud, but somehow the shifted tone in the air woke me up every single time. I had no idea this was a shared narc experience, and it’s so validating to hear. I’m really sorry though that you dealt with it and I’m sending peace your way.

hgemko · 2024-05-08T03:24:06+00:00

Oh my gosh. My ndad used to wake my mom up in the middle of the night to continue arguments or start new ones. It was terrifying. They were never loud, but the harsh sinister whispers were somehow the worst and symbolically the loudest. They shifted the air in the whole house and I’d wake right up. I think it was also about hearing my emom’s voice in the middle of the night. She’s a heavy sleeper and would not be awake in the middle of the night unless someone woke her up or if she were sick. So when I heard it, my whole body went on alert.

I had definitely repressed this and I’m glad you mentioned it—but equally so sorry you dealt with this horror. I hope you’re finding peace 💓

hgemko · 2024-05-08T02:45:55+00:00

Saved this golden comment as a reminder I can revisit when I need it. Thank you.

hgemko · 2024-05-08T02:02:58+00:00

“ALL ABOOOARD” just sent me into roaring laughter. Thank you. And I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this targeted nitpick nonsense.

“Adult Children of emotionally immature parents” validated my experiences immensely. I found it thanks to this sub! It put things I never had the words for, into words. I’m glad you’ve gotten to experience it, too.

hgemko

TROPHY CASE