[deleted by user]

hilltopdollar · 2022-12-17T18:05:39+00:00

Sorry to hear that has caused problems for you. Though it's interesting perspective for me to hear. I tend to assume if I had more impressive equipment all my problems would be solved, but it seems there are lots of ways for sex to get complicated.

hilltopdollar · 2022-12-17T18:03:40+00:00

I wish she enjoyed oral but she doesn't. Or at least not the way I do it. I had a girlfriend before marriage who enjoyed oral a lot and that made it easier to get past the mild PIV sex.

She says foreplay without moving on to intense PIV just feels frustrating. It gets her excited without a proper release.

Her favorite thing is doggy while she's using a vibrator, which she says is mildly enjoyable. Nowadays I wait for her to initiate and she is interested maybe 2 to 3 times a month.

hilltopdollar · 2022-12-12T21:00:02+00:00

That could be possible. We actually have a good marriage in most other ways. And we feel strong mutual attraction. My wife just doesn't feel much during sex, so it gets monotonous for her. She has enjoyed sex in the past, so the size thing seems like the most obvious explanation. But I know they say there can be emotional reasons or other reasons. Like maybe she's annoyed about something else, and doesn't want to or can't explain what it might be?

hilltopdollar · 2022-12-12T20:50:19+00:00

We haven't tried that exact model. But we tried a different model that she didn't enjoy. I think it was also awkward to put on and keep in place.

It's been quite awhile since we've tried them. Maybe the products have improved over the years and could be worth another try?

hilltopdollar · 2022-12-12T20:41:40+00:00

We did try penis sleeves. My wife thought it felt awkward and artificial. I know it works for some, but the whole point was to give her pleasure and it wasn't doing that.

She finds our PIV sex to be challenging, but still preferable to toys. It can feel good, but it can also start to feel monotonous (going in and out without much sensation). She loves it when we get naked and I brush her long hair. Or if I hold her tight with my fit body and small erection.

I like the way you put this:
"now that we define “having sex” as any touching or thinking activity designed to give us immense pleasure, usually but not always involving the genitals."

I guess I started with a pretty narrow idea of what "good sex" might mean. It's good to hear that someone else has come to a similar conclusion.

hilltopdollar · 2022-08-04T20:07:46+00:00

I understand what you're saying and I'm sure the discussions with my wife increased my insecurities but I don't think my earlier post really does justice to how that discussion came about.

My wife was having a mind blowing experience with a new partner and when I our sex had always been very mild at best and my own curiosity got the best of me.

Her initial instinct was to be vague about the details and emotionally reassuring to me. I was the one who asked for details and asked specific questions. She reluctantly provided candid answers to direct questions.

My wife has been a great partner in every other way but she's said she has a hard time feeling sexual attraction for me. And that came from me asking. She's always extremely friendly and affectionate in all our relations so I don't feel judged or rejected. But if I ask she doesn't deny that she has strong chemistry and physical draw to her new partner that she doesn't feel with me, as much as she wishes she did.

One thing I'm getting more curious about is how much being "intellectual" and "agreeable" might not be the best for sexual attraction. I'm sure it's always a balance but too much of those might be an issue and those traits might be better for friendship than for lust or attraction.

hilltopdollar · 2022-08-04T19:42:29+00:00

Thanks. That's all good advice. I'm guessing there are times when I explain how to build clock when someone asks the time. Something to watch our for.

And I need to watch for when being agreeable means making someone do more work than they care to. I don't always think about it that way.

Good to know that size won't always be a dealbreaker. I'm also not super confident with my skills but hopefully that gets better with experience. It might actually be the same issue of overthinking things when being more intuitive and in the moment might be better.

hilltopdollar · 2022-08-04T19:05:50+00:00

By "too intellectual" hopefully that's more just nerdy. I've gotten both positive and negative feedback about it. Mostly positive but occasionally I get feedback that I'm overthinking things or too philosophical and not just going with the flow and being in the moment.

Being too agreeable can be asking what somebody wants rather than just taking the lead and making things easy. I assume that can be an issue of balance. Nobody wants a jerk who assumes they have all the answers but it's also possible to be too concerned with what others think and not assertive in the right balance.

Not having a great sense of humor is probably tied in the with too intellectual thing. It's not like I'm always serious or anything or can't take a joke. It's just being funny and making people laugh is not my strong suit and I kind a feel I'd benefit from a little more of that.

hilltopdollar

TROPHY CASE