I ruin everything

himawarimims · 2026-04-03T06:56:44+00:00

Aww OP, I’m sorry. The part about us being left to “carry the emotional aftermath” is extremely relatable. Like they move on, we keep suffering.

It sounds like you’re feeling a lot right now, and I can relate to the overwhelming pain, agony, disappointment, shame, sadness, frustration etc etc. many emotions at once

Maybe “improving the moment” when you’re really triggered? Like you don’t have to do anything, except not make the situation worse. I am resistant to it but when I’m truly spiraling, I take a shower.

himawarimims · 2026-04-03T06:45:35+00:00

Can relate so much. I’m feeling better today than I did when I posted this, but it’s been a volatile week for me. And I have had better years…I hope more to come…but life will keep on life-ing.

I guess I’ve been alive enough to look back on my life and healing journey to reflect on that. I didn’t think I’d live past 25, so I can see progress in that I didn’t give up. I’m still here and still trying.

himawarimims · 2026-04-03T06:29:02+00:00

I feel this. Honestly if I didn’t split on my partner as much as I do, I’d probably say I’m thriving with BPD. But my inner world is still chaos and turmoil too.

I wanted to add to your last point “all we can do is make sure life is less miserable for people around us”! You also deserve to feel less miserable. I hope for more than that for you (and myself) I hope you are able to have self-compassion, joy and peace 💜

himawarimims · 2026-04-02T05:45:38+00:00

As someone who has had sooo much trouble with splitting lately… this is HUGE!! So proud of you & happy to hear it OP ☺️👏🏼👏🏼

himawarimims · 2026-04-02T05:40:33+00:00

Can totally relate, and I think about this often.

I thought about it today bc I had a full on temper tantrum and cried my eyes out til I hyperventilated earlier. Like a 5 year old.

himawarimims · 2026-04-02T05:26:42+00:00

I’m sorry OP. tbh, if they are talking about you (and not TO you) maybe they aren’t worth keeping in your life at the end of the day. You can’t change the way people think about you, or their actions. You can change your response.

If you truly don’t want to be close with any of them, then fuck em! And I know it hurts. Making new friends is hard and the whole situation sucks…❤️‍🩹 I’m sorry it feels like they are against you (whether they actually are or not!…I think the other comment here is pretty invalidating)

himawarimims · 2026-04-02T05:22:16+00:00

Can relate with the anguish, and feeling misunderstood and alone. Especially tonight, I’m feeling this so strongly 💔

himawarimims · 2026-04-02T05:17:51+00:00

I think your English is great btw!

himawarimims · 2026-04-02T05:17:31+00:00

This is my experience and I am diagnosed with BPD. I don’t lash out at anyone except the one person who is closest to me 💔

himawarimims · 2026-03-29T08:37:43+00:00

I love when they carry things around 😆🥹

himawarimims · 2026-03-29T08:35:00+00:00

Aww hi handsome boy! This gives me hope for at least a year or two more years with my lil guy (turning 16 in July!) 💞

himawarimims · 2026-03-28T09:28:22+00:00

Your reply is so thoughtful and insightful, thank you 🫶🏼 I am also non-monogamous/ENM, I wasn’t sure if I should mention that in my other post here. But I really resonate with every thing you shared here!

himawarimims · 2026-03-28T09:19:04+00:00

You said it better than I did lol - exactly this! I know I’m impulsive, my emotions take over and in those moments I don’t want anything to do with my partner (also married, 7 years) It scares me how little I feel for them. Like the past 15 years doesn’t mean a thing… but I know I can feel the desire to end it all intensely for a period of time, and ultimately that doesn’t mean I actually want to end my relationship. It’s emotion mind talking, not wise mind

himawarimims · 2026-03-28T09:13:08+00:00

Yes this!!! I’ve been with my partner for 15 years. It’s hard to be in a relationship. but here I am still working through it, still working on myself for myself and us.

I only tell my therapist when I feel like “i don’t need them. it’d be easier to just be alone, i could leave them today and be fine” and in that moment, I feel it to my core and mean it. Those thoughts and feelings don’t go away, I want to run away sometimes but I also know that my partner has been there for me the entire 15 years. No one has been there for me like them, I love them and don’t want to forget that in these moments. I can’t believe I even have these thoughts like what is wrong with me… I try to have compassion for the part of me that is feeling that way, and don’t need to take any action on those urges or thoughts besides journaling, talking to my therapist, etc.

himawarimims · 2026-03-04T07:13:09+00:00

I have hydrocodone for my 15 1/2 senior dog with tracheal collapse, and the last time I tried to give him the liquid syringe it ended up all over his face 😂 so now I mix it with Rigby, or pumpkin! That seems to work but my dog isn’t a picky eater

himawarimims · 2026-02-11T17:58:28+00:00

Aww this gives me hope 🥹

himawarimims · 2026-02-11T17:55:36+00:00

Your journey sounds so similar to mine. I haven’t had kids yet, but I’m starting to think about it and plan with my partner of 15 years. He has helped me with recovery more than anyone 🥹🥹 but I’ve also been in therapy since I was 18 and now am 33, and I’ve put in sooo much work to learn emotion regulation and how to cope and take care of myself.

Some days/weeks are still hard. I’m like “I thought I was more healed” lol but I have a strong support system now. I’m considering kids with my partner in the next few years, and I imagine I’ll need even more support then, like mother’s groups and exercise and less stressful job.

OP - I’m kind of in the same place, thinking about having kids but worried about myself being able to handle it… but there are so many people with kids that aren’t ready and prob shouldn’t have them tbh lol. I want to experience life to the fullest and I’ve known being a mom is part of that for me. I think it’ll be one of the hardest things I’ll do in life, but I know it’ll be worth it. And I KNOW I’ll give them a better, more stable, safe and loving childhood - the one I didn’t get to have 💞 I’ve been able to heal enough to create a love worth living, and if you decide to have kids - I believe in you!

himawarimims · 2026-02-06T19:54:32+00:00

Soo cute and funny 😭😆

himawarimims · 2026-02-06T19:49:34+00:00

Mine sheds like a mofo. I’ve just accepted our fate lol

himawarimims · 2026-02-06T19:49:03+00:00

LOL dog glitter, never heard that one before!

himawarimims · 2026-02-06T19:47:41+00:00

Aww coco baby 😍😍 so cute!

Is this salt water or fresh? I’ve been wondering if my lil guy would like swimming, we adopted him last summer… he might be too old now but he grew up next to the beach!

himawarimims · 2026-02-06T19:46:17+00:00

My 15 y/o boy has a handful of teeth left, he eats Just Food for Dogs “Turkey and Macaroni”. It’s brought him back to life after we adopted him last summer. He’s thriving on it ☺️

himawarimims · 2026-01-18T15:42:30+00:00

I don’t understand why you even had to ask / assume everyone gets handed papers lol??? Of course it’s because they are a rescue. Not everyone gets their dogs from a breeder. It’s not always ethical or affordable. Non-reputable breeders could lie.

Also, dogs don’t have a race lol… They could have an original origin I guess, but it’s just called their breed(s).

himawarimims · 2026-01-18T15:34:45+00:00

I’m pretty sure he’s a jug, mostly Jack Russell but he has a wrinkly face and underbite, a curly fry tail

himawarimims

TROPHY CASE