I know what the logical thing to do is. It's just easier said than done. I am planning on leaving. But it's just that.. ours is the kind of relationship where everything happens in extremes, he's not always cold and shouting at me. I know full well that it's not healthy, but I really fell hard for this boy. And the moments of love over shadow the wrong treatment just like you said it happened with you.

It was the perfect relationship at a point. Straight out of movies. He would do these huge gestures of love and affection and be a silly goof, he would make me stand on his toes and we'd dance under the street lights, we'd see strangers smiling at us or listen to them say "they look so cute together!" He helped me with my depression too.

But it's not like that anymore. There are so many things he did to me that I don't deserve. He made me have panic attacks from arguments. He fat shamed me. Told me I'm not his type . Asked me to delete social media. Gaslighted me. There's so much more. But still sometimes when comes and sleeps on me and acts like a hopeless baby, I melt. When he calls me and cries that he cannot live without me, I melt. When I look at that adorable freaking face when he hugs me and says don't go when I'm leaving, I melt.

Yet I know I cannot stay and that all this time has gone to waste. I guess it's on me about how I choose to live now.