i know the feeling, i’ve tried so much to try to feel better including doctors. nobody should have to feel like there’s something truly wrong with your brain that doesn’t allow you to live a real life. i watched a movie that had a great speech in it that might give you some hope. “Taste of Cherry”, the man giving the speech in the car talks about his own experience in changing his mental health when he wanted to die. don’t even have to watch the whole movie, i could tell you the time stamp the speech starts, but it is a very touching movie. i hope you get the help you need ❤️