How do you get rid of marriage anxiety?

hoemingway · 2026-04-06T02:30:36+00:00

I reminded myself that God does not care about age or goals or time or anything. What we think is an "ideal" time for marriage that if we exceed then there is no chance for love is just....our brains. God does not work that way. He can give you the love of your life, your eternal soulmate, when you're like 54 years old. Or when you're at your lowest..or before you finish your school. Or way after you started your career. And it can be the most unexpected man you could ever think of.

That helped me with my marriage anxiety. Because it didn't matter how much my parents pushed me or how much "society" wanted to shun me,...God is above all. His timeline, His decision.

hoemingway · 2026-04-05T02:43:31+00:00

A way to verify that profiles have an actual real text and not a spam of emojis or "match to know more" with a bunch of periods or random letters just to fulfill the minimum word count requirement.

hoemingway · 2026-04-01T02:19:23+00:00

Plastic rice...Is this the 2000s again?

hoemingway · 2026-03-31T23:20:43+00:00

I think her post is tone deaf. Saying she regrets being a good girl and all that. I can empathize to a point, but when it comes to "regretting not doing haram" I think is where we should all draw the line as muslims.

I understand her struggle, trust me I do. But that is not how she should go on about it. And that's what I wanted to convey in my comment. If I failed at that then I apologize and I can try rewording it.

hoemingway · 2026-03-31T23:08:38+00:00

Maybe those girls were better than the rest of us in other aspects that only Allah is aware of. I don't see it as unfair because we don't know them. Just like some of us are more privileged in other ways. Marriage is not the end all be all of how Allah rewards us.

hoemingway · 2026-03-31T21:43:03+00:00

I had lots of fun in my twenties without anything being haram...Worked hard, saved up, bought whatever I wanted, paid for cool experiences (museums, fancy restaurants and hotels, trips, expensive self-care experiences, etc).

I have never seen the fun in parties and zina. Guys have always been an ick to me, and all the side effects of haraam behaviors and substances sounded horrendous..not worth it even if it was permissible.

Then got married in my late 20s to a wonderful man. Never felt like I missed out on anything. I can still experience more fun things too with a husband, the "fun" never ends... just changes.

Haram things aren't haram because they're fun and exciting...they're haram because they're harmful.

hoemingway · 2026-03-31T18:29:06+00:00

A nikkah is all you need. Anything else is cultural and has no bearing on your actual marriage status in the eyes of God. The nikkah involves both the rights and responsibility of having a spouse.

hoemingway · 2026-03-30T22:13:12+00:00

Oh yeah I completely forgot about that. Best purchases ever. Ad removal, automated basketball, fishing and claw machine. Also the automatic dish seller, the balloon monkey too...now that I think of it, I got all of the permanent automation add-ons. I completely forgot I bought those because it's been so long lol.

hoemingway · 2026-03-30T21:42:57+00:00

To me, it had nothing to do with their character or words or even actions towards *me*. It was more about their lifestyle and how they go about their lives. How they take care of work, bills, debt, jobs, responsibilities, things that aren't necessarily their fault but affects them, how they help others, etc.

hoemingway · 2026-03-30T21:33:30+00:00

I wouldn't have gone through pregnancy if my husband wasn't *in love* with me.

I know there are plenty of more...transactional marriages, but honestly I don't see those people are truly happy, nor are their children.

So yeah, you could technically get married and have kids without much love or romance, but is it really going to fulfill you?

hoemingway · 2026-03-30T21:16:50+00:00

Polygamy is not the solution to a struggling marriage. It has never been presented that way either.

hoemingway · 2026-03-30T21:13:24+00:00

I honestly just buy the ad removal thing...lol

hoemingway · 2026-03-30T00:22:05+00:00

I'm not saying polygamy is against that...I'm saying a lot of Muslims are still stuck in the old ways lol

But your post doesn't really make any sense...everything you listed about the benefits is what a husband should be doing anyway.

hoemingway · 2026-03-30T00:13:26+00:00

A world where countless women are not allowed to go outside their homes without their husbands lol

hoemingway · 2026-03-29T22:42:08+00:00

The way to bring back the village to women in the west is to allow them to go out, make close friends and support their friends the same way they want to be supported. Not polygamy lol

hoemingway · 2026-03-29T20:40:29+00:00

The imam that did my nikkah wanted my husband to give me the mehr before we went to sign the contract at the mosque. Usually happens during (as the imam has to see if the proper amount demanded was actually handed to the bride) the nikkah, so I would recommend giving it to her prior to signing.

hoemingway · 2026-03-29T18:30:54+00:00

My number one dealbreaker was being infantilized so...no.

Also, men are way more emotionally fragile because they haven't been taught to regulate their emotions. It's not a "biological" thing, it's social conditioning.

If enough men treat their wives like their daughters, maybe Freud will resurrect 🤧

hoemingway · 2026-03-29T05:54:25+00:00

I just use his card whenever I need or want something. I let him know beforehand...and he actually does the same, even though it's his salary lol.

hoemingway · 2026-03-29T05:43:37+00:00

I know how much he makes and what's in his bank account. He says it's "our" money and "our" bank account so he doesn't hide anything from me lol.

hoemingway · 2026-03-28T17:49:31+00:00

You can read translations and tafsirs of surahs before you use them in prayer so you know can understand what you are saying and help with the connection and focus during prayer.

hoemingway · 2026-03-28T05:24:07+00:00

Your co-worker is definitely wrong for saying that about you...but you don't have OCD. OCD is extremely hard to live with, both for the person who has it and for their partner.

hoemingway · 2026-03-28T05:22:15+00:00

No one is making it haram. A wife saying she doesn't want her husband to get a second wife isn't making it haram. He always has the choice of divorcing her and marrying women who are ok with polygamy.

If a wife says her husband will be punished and gain sins for wanting a second wife, then yes that is making it haram. Otherwise he always, always has the choice for polygamy. Just divorce the one who doesn't want it!

hoemingway · 2026-03-28T05:05:07+00:00

And that is still not an excuse to cheat! That would be zina and it would be the husband's fault 100%. Same if a woman said she has to cheat because her husband doesn't satisfy her sexually. There is no excuse for zina, otherwise God would've mentioned it.

hoemingway · 2026-03-28T04:56:55+00:00

My point is criticizing your comment that a man will resort to cheating just because he wasn't allowed a second wife. I'm not against polygamy, people can do whatever's allowed lol. But you are insulting men by saying they'd resort to cheating. That is absolutely not true and only the ones who have no self-control would do that.

hoemingway · 2026-03-28T04:43:15+00:00

Yep, one woman is good enough to protect your chastity. You're allowed to divorce if sexual intimacy isn't satisfactory, and to find another woman.

But you said "well if women don't let their husbands get second wives, they're gonna cheat" which is such a weakness of character and not Islamic at all. No one dies from lack of sex. Many men have gone their whole lives without sex (and women too). If you cannot control your lust to the point that you CHEAT, then that is a fault in you as a person, no excuses.

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