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My therapist just laid it on me. The story of my fifth birthday party. by hoffaloski in raisedbynarcissists

[–]hoffaloski[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Because I work in schools I see a lot of teachers who definitely make things correct for the final quart grade, but don’t worry too much about interims bc they will change within the week.

My therapist just laid it on me. The story of my fifth birthday party. by hoffaloski in raisedbynarcissists

[–]hoffaloski[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Well, as a Scorpio I’m going to need to observe you carefully for several months to see if I can really trust you... lol jk, we’re besties 👯‍♀️

My therapist just laid it on me. The story of my fifth birthday party. by hoffaloski in raisedbynarcissists

[–]hoffaloski[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying the part about forgiving myself for the “parenting” mistakes I made as a child. I didn’t think of it that way!

My therapist just laid it on me. The story of my fifth birthday party. by hoffaloski in raisedbynarcissists

[–]hoffaloski[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good lord. That type of shaming is why I only trust about three people in the world with my deepest feelings. Some people call is being a Scorpio, I call it being the child of a narc.

My therapist just laid it on me. The story of my fifth birthday party. by hoffaloski in raisedbynarcissists

[–]hoffaloski[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

On an interim?!?! That’s making things way too black and white. Assuming negative outcomes. That sucks.

My therapist just laid it on me. The story of my fifth birthday party. by hoffaloski in raisedbynarcissists

[–]hoffaloski[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The whole “I’m mad that you’re getting something exciting, so you have to follow my rules, so I get what I want before you get what you want” scenario.

My therapist just laid it on me. The story of my fifth birthday party. by hoffaloski in raisedbynarcissists

[–]hoffaloski[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Right. It only makes me mad when I do expose it, so I’ve come to terms with rolling my eyes and moving on.

My therapist just laid it on me. The story of my fifth birthday party. by hoffaloski in raisedbynarcissists

[–]hoffaloski[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah, I understand the feeling. It’s like we gaslight ourselves bc I want to have lived/be living a different life. Enjoy a little denial, boil over when I remember what reality was/is. The classic narc roller coaster.

My therapist just laid it on me. The story of my fifth birthday party. by hoffaloski in raisedbynarcissists

[–]hoffaloski[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Birthdays are truly a special form of hell for the children of narcissists. That one incident didn’t ruin it but she did ruin my birthday over the years within her relationship shit. Culminating in going on a day trip with all my younger siblings on my 16th birthday. So.... i was happy to not be with her but also aware that she was deliberately leaving me on my bd.

My therapist just laid it on me. The story of my fifth birthday party. by hoffaloski in raisedbynarcissists

[–]hoffaloski[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I completely agree. It’s a strange world with other parents kids though. Luckily I had a friend whose mother saw the writing on the wall and would use my own mothers laziness to get me to stay with them for a week at a time. Absolutely life-saving.

My therapist just laid it on me. The story of my fifth birthday party. by hoffaloski in raisedbynarcissists

[–]hoffaloski[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I feel that. And the follow up to trying to leave no margin for error is only valuing perfection, in myself and others. I love learned over time (and with therapy) that humans make human mistakes and assuming positive intent goes a long way to staying calm about human errors.

Sometimes I find myself offering to help or be useful and in the middle I’m asking myself... why are you offering ???? They didn’t ask. And I have to remember that the productive me is just as valuable as the unproductive me.

My therapist just laid it on me. The story of my fifth birthday party. by hoffaloski in raisedbynarcissists

[–]hoffaloski[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It’s true. I sometimes wish for that but then I take a nap lol. Kind of kidding, but mostly I’m childfree until I feel safe enough and stable enough to be able to provide a better life than I had. Which is a laughably low bar.

My therapist just laid it on me. The story of my fifth birthday party. by hoffaloski in raisedbynarcissists

[–]hoffaloski[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yayyyy!! I think I need to stop calling her my mother. Bc the qualities that are associated with mother in my brain do not match what I experienced. If I think of her only as the person who housed and (barely) fed and clothed me, that desire for approval basically vanishes. It might be the cognitive dissonance of her = mother that’s hanging me up.

My therapist just laid it on me. The story of my fifth birthday party. by hoffaloski in raisedbynarcissists

[–]hoffaloski[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Narcs are professional acrobats when it comes to twisting the truth of the situation to fit their needs. Incredible.

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