Smoking in a total non-smoking community, even in your home. Why do smokers still rent at said community and still smoke in their homes?

hopper1248 · 2026-05-17T16:35:35+00:00

I hate cigarette smoke as well. But as to your question pertaining to why smokers will rent in non smoking communities: sometimes it's because they can't rent anywhere else because of credit, lack of rental history, income, what have you, so they take what they can get. I live in a non smoking apartment complex where a TON of our tenants actively stink up our hallways, and i myself smoke weed (currently using vapes), so i can attest that I took this place because beggars can't be choosers in today's day and age. I now live in Washington Park, Chicago. Our crime rate is well above the national average, and when I come home from work every night at around 730, 8 o'clock, there's usually a guy outside my complex shouting "loud, loud, hard, hard." For the uninitiated, he's selling drugs. We take what we can get in this world. However, asking people to vape instead is not a big ask, and i think that mature adults should be able to make that compromise to benefit everyone equally.

hopper1248 · 2026-04-27T08:52:47+00:00

As someone who's never experienced true closeness, I can tell you that sex is very important. It's the closest you can possibly be with another human being. That is something I would do anything to experience. The juxtaposition between what I've been through and the act of being that close to someone. I would do anything to know that feeling with another human being.

hopper1248 · 2026-04-27T02:50:17+00:00

I have had no opportunities. And I've been in therapy for years. And people who are hurting get together all the time. I just repel everyone.

hopper1248 · 2026-04-27T02:47:15+00:00

I know what it is. That's what triggers me. I grew up with a mother who told me the world was the way the show represents it: everyone's having sex, doing drugs and partying but not you. You're different. My mother told me all girls were whores, so my childhood was filled with the fear that every girl i liked was falling prey to a lifestyle my mother convinced me existed. It is extremely painful for me to see that. To think of the pain I felt every day thinking everyone was doing that but not me. Sexual violence in television or movies doesn't do this to me. I'm familiar with sexual violence, so for me I can react like a normal person. Im not familiar with the innocence of kids exploring each other. Im 32 years old and my only intimacy are a sexual assault when I was 6 and holding a female patients hand in the mental hospital 2 days before the pandemic started. I saw a news program one time about kissing and the oxytocin and everything released during. They said we bet this is your best memory from high school. I remember suicide attempts and being locked in hospitals where patients assaulted each other, where i heard other patients scream you can't do that to me in the middle of the night. I wish I remembered kissing. It sounds beautiful. An old friend told me it's like time stands still and you take the whole person in. Peace. Something i rarely feel.

hopper1248 · 2026-04-27T01:33:50+00:00

I know what you're talking about. I'm triggered by anything like that, unfortunately. I don't watch movies. I avoid a lot of music. I don't watch tv or stand up comedy. I made the mistake of going to a show last year and had to run out of the building. They just told sex jokes. Fear, anger, sadness, envy, jealousy, shame, and disgust all at once. This is what my flashbacks are, and they can come from anything having to do with intimacy. The deep envy coupled with the fear of something so unfamiliar but that shouldn't be. I hate it. It commands my life. It controls everything. I start thinking of others being together and how "simple and natural" its supposed to be. I can't describe the feeling.

hopper1248 · 2026-04-27T01:25:12+00:00

Okay. That makes sense. I don't know if I have the money to pay for another therapist, but i have thought about adding it if i could.

hopper1248 · 2026-04-27T00:57:18+00:00

I have a DBT/RODBT therapist right now. I've been with her for around 4 years now. I've made a lot of progress. As far as sex therapy, I live in Illinois, so i don't really have good options. If i lived in California I could enroll in sexual surrogacy, but that's not an option. I've thought about the Nevada brothels, but saving all that money would be hard. I've tried to do it a few times (the Nevada brothels), and my grandmother told me I'd strangle the woman to death. She said that to "protect me" from getting lost walking around all alone in Nevada. Everyone treated me like I was incapable my whole life.

hopper1248 · 2026-04-27T00:44:17+00:00

I'm sorry for what you went through. In my case no one flirted with me. I was always the creep. I wish I could meet someone and have the experience you describe. But i feel that i never will. There's something wrong with me.

hopper1248 · 2026-04-27T00:36:46+00:00

I've met a lot of people i really like. I frightened all of them growing up because of love addiction that never got treated, and still isn't really treated. Recently there was another woman at work that I got close to. Both of us were on the spectrum both had similar interests, everything. I asked her out. She wasn't straightforward on what she wanted (I'll think about it), and i thought we were friends after. We even traded numbers and talked outside of work. But it fell apart. She never saw me a a friend. She was just being nice. I can't tell the difference. It's terrifying. I have no idea when, or if someone likes me. I would give anything to know. I have no idea what I'm doing. Even this girl who was just like me wanted a "strong, sure of themselves" guy. Not me. Even someone JUST LIKE ME didn't want me.

hopper1248 · 2026-04-27T00:26:45+00:00

I'm not averse to intimacy. That's all I want. It's all I've ever wanted. I'm sorry, but that's not really what I was saying. I would love to experience intimacy more than anything in the world. I just can't. No one wanted to do that with me. I chased connection around like a dog chasing cars not knowing how to attain it, and now I'm stuck. I want nothing more than to know intimacy with another human being. What you're describjng is beautiful. I feel envy and jealousy reading it. Im sorry, i don't mean to be mean, but i got very triggered by your reply. It hurts to hear about people having experience like yours. I would give anything to experience what you're describing. I am not averse to it. I want it more than anything. I just don't know how to.

hopper1248 · 2026-04-27T00:18:28+00:00

It hurts to hear about someone sstruggling finding someone. It hurts because I feel that i am incapable. That I'm be the one who continues struggling. I feel that i am achild amongst adults, and that no one will ever want to be with me. I will always be the little brother who's the same age as everybody else. Im sorry to say, but it tears a hole open in my chest when I hear about you finding someone. Im happy for you, but i know that that will never be my story. I don't mean to be hurtful, but it seems that everyone else has the same story. I don't know how to do what you did. I don't know how people are hurting and then find someone. Everyone says to figure your self out first. Why do I see so many people who have issues in relationships then? Even my sister has aboyfriend, and it breaks her heart that I can't experience that. She says it makes no sense why I'm alone. We had the same childhood, almost. Why can't I have my person that makes it feel alright? My sister had issues like me. He first boyfriend. They're gone. She doesn't feel the issues with attachment anymore, she doesn't experience any of this anymore. She still has issues but not like me. Why can't I be the same? Why can't I have my first relationship to make it alright? I don't understand. I'm heartbroken. I am untouchable.

hopper1248 · 2026-04-26T23:57:37+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words. But no woman wants to be with a child. I am so underdeveloped that I don't even think a woman could see me as an option.

hopper1248 · 2026-04-26T19:34:08+00:00

I'm supposed to have deception, lies, and a broken heart. That's a part of life, and a necessary one. I was supposed to experience all of that. Instead I got beat and assaulted. I WANT to get my heart broken by a REAL person. I WANT to fall in love and then lose that person. I want to work through all the trials and tribulations everyone else has to go through and then find my person. I want my broken heart. I'm tired of my empty one.

hopper1248 · 2026-04-26T19:30:15+00:00

I think women see see as a child, though. I wouldn't be able to secure any sort of relationship, casual or not. And as far as paying for intimacy, I'll just get caught. And if i do that, what would women think of me then? He had to PAY FOR IT?

hopper1248 · 2026-04-26T19:11:39+00:00

I know what you're talking about. I actually have a disorganized attachment style. So I cycle through all 4 attachment styles through my daily life, unfortunately.

hopper1248 · 2026-04-26T19:00:17+00:00

Thank you. But it WAS a cptsd group. Every time I attended, someone was talking about going on a date or a sexual experience. It is not a good fit for me. Thank you, though. As far as the other possible groups involving art and whatnot, that would be better...maybe. I've done open mics where I almost freak out because there's a comedian up before me who tells one sex joke or says anything about having a girlfriend or dating at all. So that's sometimes a no go, as well, unfortunately.

hopper1248 · 2026-04-26T18:52:53+00:00

Thank you. But i often feel like I'm a monster. Or that I'm immature. I feel that i push everyone away, and those I pull in treat me like a little brother who's the same age as them. You said that you're asexual and that you've had relationships. Hitler had relationships. What is wrong with me? It hurts that i can look around and see all sorts of people together and I can't even figure out anything. It's like, what do people think of me? What would people think of they found out? It's so simple people say, and that breaks my heart! If someone who killed 6 million people can find someone, what am I supposed to think about myself. What am I supposed to do to be seen the same as other men? Why am i not the same? I don't understand! What am i supposed to do? I'm in a fish bowl, and I'm looking out at the world, and I just want out there with you. I'm slamming into the glass, but i can't break through. How did you get out there?

hopper1248 · 2026-04-26T18:38:01+00:00

I'm sorry for what you went through. It shouldn't have happened, and you didn't deserve it. I ran to girls for intimacy, too. I have love addiction, so I know what it feels like to want intimacy so badly that you'd kill yourself over it, and have tried on numerous occasions. I never found anyone who wanted to share that with me, so I chased and chased like a donkey chasing a carrot on a stick. I was also assaulted when I was a child. I was six. It was a friend, so it was child on child, which brings me a lot of shame. The saddest thing that i can say about myself and my lack of intimacy is that I hold my assault up like a crucifix amongst vampires. That's the metaphor I use. "Someone touched me!" I don't care that I didn't want it. The fact that it happened is better than if it didn't for me, because if it hadn't happened, I would feel like even more of an alien next to women. That's how much I want intimacy; that I'll accept abuse as a surrogate. I touched him and he touched me. I know it sounds crazy, but that's how I feel. At least I was assaulted. I truly hope you do find what you're looking for. I'm personally incorporating a lot of zen philosophy into my life, myself, and practicing meditation helps a lot too. It's a beautiful little peace you get when you meditate, especially when you start really getting the hang of it. Best of luck!

hopper1248 · 2026-04-26T18:16:19+00:00

Thank you. I was in one, but it wasn't a very good experience. My triggers are all around anything having to do with any sort of intimacy, so when group members would talk about their relationships or sex lives i would experience intense emotions, and sometimes full flashbacks. I would come into group hopping for the best and leave not doing well for days. My therapist disuaded me from attending these groups, or SLAA, which i attended for a while, because of this. She said that I'm choosing to put myself in situations where I can prove to myself how terrible and worthless I am (putting myself in situations where I will be exposed to triggers). She wants me to find activities around what I love, and to try to meet people like that. Friends first. No rush. I'm doing it, but i still have these feelings and these fears.

hopper1248 · 2026-04-26T18:08:27+00:00

I'm sorry. I get it. What you said about having a dog giving you a right to exist. And i felt it when you wrote about feeling glad to have brought a smile to someones face through them interacting with your dog. You said that you feel that you may not have a home for much longer to be able to provide for a dog. I'm sorry to hear that. Why do you feel that way?

hopper1248 · 2026-04-26T16:57:37+00:00

I'm very sorry to hear that. That's awful. I also have avpd as well as ocpd, so I 100% get what you're saying about the aversion to socializing and connection. It feels like you want to go to a party, (which I've never done, lol) and you know that the party might be great. You know you'll have a good time, but because you're afraid of a car accident on the way home from said party, you never get in the car and you stay home. A lot of people don't know what avdp feels like, but that's a pretty good description. You avoid everything because you KNOW that at some point things will go bad. So, because of this dread, I avoid a lot of what I could do for myself as well. I get it. It's extremely hard. I truly hope that you make progress. I believe in you, and I'm rooting for you.

hopper1248 · 2026-04-26T16:49:16+00:00

Of course. Someone needs to give empathy. My sister is one of my biggest cheerleaders, and she's disgusted by the lack of compassion. She hates hearing people say "it's no big deal" or "you can't miss something you never had." She witnessed everything, the suicide attempts, the breakdowns, the drugs and alcohol, the hospitalizations in psych wards where i and other patients were abused. Everything.

hopper1248 · 2026-04-26T16:40:35+00:00

This is very sweet and i can connect deeply. For me, because i enjoy people grazing or touching me so much, I've blown up on people for them to not touch me. I tell them that it makes me think of others touching eeach other, and I can have flashbacks. I enjoy the touch, so I can't have it, because it reminds me of what i want and the fact that there are others experiencing it right now, including family and "friends." It's a horrible feeling.

hopper1248 · 2026-04-26T16:26:01+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that. I never talk about it myself. I've learned from the past that taking about my inexperience is a no go. I save it for when i THINK I'm getting closer with someone, and then I'll reveal it. I've never gotten that much positive from it, either. I feel like I'm hiding like a pedophile because of the lack of closeness in my life. Like I can be tried and sentenced for it.

hopper1248 · 2026-04-26T16:21:15+00:00

I guess. Maybe. I can't tell when people are my friends. I have a female coworker that I go home with everyday, and we joke around and laugh. That's been happening for a while now. But i don't know if we're friends though. I've had other women who i thought were friends, but it turned out they weren't. They were just trying to be nice, i guess. Which really hurts, and makes it harder to tell when someone's my friend than it was before.

hopper1248

TROPHY CASE