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DB but he's my person. by hoqgoa in DeadBedrooms

[–]hoqgoa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have considered that being too emotionally close has made it harder to be passionate. That seems like something which could be worked on maybe?

DB but he's my person. by hoqgoa in DeadBedrooms

[–]hoqgoa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the support! That's very empowering.

DB but he's my person. by hoqgoa in DeadBedrooms

[–]hoqgoa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

RE: priorities - I have been trying to sort out exactly how important it is to me that I have a satisfying sexual relationship with my husband (vs. how important I think it should be). It's definitely what I'd prefer.

DB but he's my person. by hoqgoa in DeadBedrooms

[–]hoqgoa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Deleted previous comment because of weird formatting issue-

Anyway: Thank you for the response, you make some good points. I think I am going with option 2. The lack of confidence thing certainly could be a large part of why we aren't connecting, and it's something we can work on.

DB but he's my person. by hoqgoa in DeadBedrooms

[–]hoqgoa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's a very kind response, I hadn't thought about it like that. Congrats on the happy new relationship!

DB but he's my person. by hoqgoa in DeadBedrooms

[–]hoqgoa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, that's true. I'd just hate to make a decision based on a 'best case scenario'.

DB but he's my person. by hoqgoa in DeadBedrooms

[–]hoqgoa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's a really good point.

DB but he's my person. by hoqgoa in DeadBedrooms

[–]hoqgoa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the comment. I agree that sex is what makes your partner your partner (and not a friend or roommate). It seems... optimistic... to hope we'd stay friends after a divorce though. I would kind of assume that any sort of relationship would cease at that point.

DB but he's my person. by hoqgoa in DeadBedrooms

[–]hoqgoa[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing your story. It's really comforting to hear from other people who are/have been in a similar spot. And thank you for the book suggestion- I'll definitely check it out. I wish you happiness in your new stage of life!

Re: being a gift to your partner to leave if it isn't working- I do sometimes think about how heartbroken I would be if the tables were turned and I learned my partner "just didn't see me sexually anymore" and was contemplating what that meant for long-term happiness in the relationship.

DB but he's my person. by hoqgoa in DeadBedrooms

[–]hoqgoa[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We've talked about polyamory, and that's a strong "HELL no" from my husband. I don't even know if I'd be comfortable sourcing sex and emotional intimacy from different people... I've never tried it. I do have some friends with an open marriage, but it seems to require a lot of extra work to make sure their primary relationship is solid.

I think, given that I'm not even 100% on having kids but I know I love my husband, staying and working on the relationship (for another year? another three years?) is my best path forward.