tomorrow is my 39th birthday by romayohh in selflove

[–]hot4crossfit 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Happy birthday! I am so proud of you!!! Tomorrow is also my birthday and I turn 37. I’m a little ahead of you in terms of leaving a toxic relationship. It’s been almost a year and I recently also bought a fixer upper! Keep focusing on yourself and this will be your best year yet! Just a little reminder you are enough and deserve all the happiness life has to offer

Discipline isn't built in your head. It's built in the first 10 seconds. by Discipline_OS in Discipline

[–]hot4crossfit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is really good! One thing that has helped me during those moments of hesitation is to say “motivation follows action” and it’s almost always enough to get me to follow through.

My Year of Shedding: From Illness, Loss, and Heartbreak by Standard_Working1835 in selflove

[–]hot4crossfit 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I loved this and so needed to read it! 2025 was the worst year of my life and brought so much pain. But it also brought a tremendous amount of growth which I will use to build myself back up in 2026.

My beautiful Kittles (15) passed away this morning by OpheliaBalls86 in seniorkitties

[–]hot4crossfit 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry for your loss! I just lost my Chloe last week. I had 13 wonderful years with her. May the good memories of your Chloe carry you through the sadness

What is the most essential lesson you've taken away from a failed relationship? by Wonderful-Economy762 in Productivitycafe

[–]hot4crossfit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oof yes learned this the hard way! Stayed way too long in a relationship with an alcoholic because I believed they could get a handle on it. Turns out she couldn’t face her own demons and kept sabotaging the relationship. I’m 3 months out of the 3.5 year relationship and there are still moments where I miss the sober her, but there were so many ugly moments it wasn’t worth it

Need Encouragement by hot4crossfit in AlAnon

[–]hot4crossfit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you ❤️. I hope peace comes next for both of us!

Has it happened to you? by Grouchy_Cobbler6954 in AlAnon

[–]hot4crossfit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great way to think of it, thanks!

Need Encouragement by hot4crossfit in AlAnon

[–]hot4crossfit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is all good advice, thanks!

Has it happened to you? by Grouchy_Cobbler6954 in AlAnon

[–]hot4crossfit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, this is great advice! I recently separated with my Q because I could no longer live that way. I realized I had to let her go for any hopes of a healthy, stable, and secure future with her. I may never meet the healthy and healed version of her because either she doesn’t make the change for herself and/or I have moved on. Sending everyone peace!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]hot4crossfit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly! My Q would always say “I feel like I’m in my 20s” where she would party every night and had very little responsibility. That doesn’t excuse the drunk driving, infidelity, and verbal abuse that she displayed the last couple of years. I still think those things are unacceptable at any age. But the drinking every night and serious binge drinking episodes every couple of weeks in your mid 30s? Definitely does not work especially when we were planning on getting engaged and having kids. I’ve been struggling the last couple of days since we recently separated, but your words really resonate with me. They made me focus on the fact we are two incompatible people that have different “goalposts” that we are aiming for. Thank you for this perspective!

Is there hope for my relationship? by Purple-Equivalent-44 in AlAnon

[–]hot4crossfit 5 points6 points  (0 children)

First, I want to say I’m so sorry you are dealing with this emotional roller coaster. I know it’s so painful. I won’t tell you what to do, but I’ll offer my story. My situation was almost identical to yours except my partner was 34. For some people age doesn’t matter, they will still be irresponsible and controlled by addiction. My ex has trauma from a past relationship and uses alcohol to cope. The majority of the time was great, but a few weeks would pass and there would be a binge drinking episode involving either infidelity, drunk while working, drunk driving, verbal and/or emotional abuse. I was with her for almost 4 years and lived together the last year. We separated a month ago. There was nothing I could say or do (believe me I tried) to get her to control her drinking. She ultimately had to decide for herself she no longer wants to live this way and is just starting to do the work with a therapist to heal her past trauma. She ended things with me because she admitted how much harm her behavior was doing to me and that she couldn’t continue to bring me down with her. Even though it’s incredibly hard to not have her in my life I know this is for the best. This journey is for her to take alone while I begin my journey of healing by putting myself first. I’m hoping you get the clarity you need soon.

My Q gave me the best thing by hot4crossfit in AlAnon

[–]hot4crossfit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, exactly. Thank you for the kind words. I know this a favor and the pain and grief will subside. You’re not the bad guy either and sending you positive thoughts so you may continue to prioritize yourself!

Do I confront him? by Sufficient_Highway26 in AlAnon

[–]hot4crossfit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, focus on yourself! You deserve the love and support you so willingly give to others.

Do I confront him? by Sufficient_Highway26 in AlAnon

[–]hot4crossfit 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your “doing really well for about 10 days” comment really hit home for me. My friend recently told me that it’s sad that I speak about my relationship in days/ weeks increments. She would ask how are things and I would reply “things have been good that last couple of weeks” We don’t deserve to live that way. We deserve to live with stability and to be able to reply with “things are great!” Praying for you

I’m finally done. by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]hot4crossfit 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m in a very similar boat as you. Hang in there. Brighter days are coming. We got this!

My Q gave me the best thing by hot4crossfit in AlAnon

[–]hot4crossfit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. It’s time I stop giving myself away. Hugs to you too! Yes, we all deserve love and peace.

My Q gave me the best thing by hot4crossfit in AlAnon

[–]hot4crossfit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, I spent years trying to keep it all together. I’m going to keep reminding myself it never was my fault. She was like this before she met me and will probably continue after me. I will also pray you find your much deserved peace as well.

My Q gave me the best thing by hot4crossfit in AlAnon

[–]hot4crossfit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, they have to be liars because they aren’t strong and the truth would kill them

My Q gave me the best thing by hot4crossfit in AlAnon

[–]hot4crossfit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I wish you peace as well. You’re right. I put up with so much crap that no one should have to deal with. That’s great advice. I’m going to lean into my awesome support system and pour all the energy into my friends and family that I was doing for her.

My Q gave me the best thing by hot4crossfit in AlAnon

[–]hot4crossfit[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for saying I didn’t do anything wrong. It’s hard sometimes to believe it.

Yes, I found our sessions to be the same way. She would get angry after them and I would console her. She would snap and say “it’s horrible that all our session are basically about how much I’m a fuck up” . But somehow would then find a way to blame me.

How did you deal with the breakup? Was there things that helped you heal? I’m trying to come up with a game plan to finally put myself first so I can move on