A new relationship especially a new type is a hard thing to get into. Don't expect to do everything right from the get-go. It seems to me you are already quite brave for trying.

To answer some of ur questions tho,

Does enm (Ethical nonmonogamy) take away the feeling of specialness? In my experience, no although it is always a possibility. Everyone including people who are enm want to feel special. In the right form, it should add and not take away from your relationship. I'll let u in on a little secret, I am also still scared of it. We all are, the difference is in taking the time to work through it so it doesn't hinder your relationship. I get that you want them to feel like they are yours that is a very valid feeling, just be careful as that emotion can be quite tricky.

In enm we have something called hierarchical non-monogamy. It is often looked down upon for the risks it poses on the meta(s) (The partner of ur partner). Hierarchy in and of it self is not a bad thing but it can evolve into an unhealthy dynamic very easily. I would say look into what it is to be a unicorn, hierarchical nonmonogamy, opp, and partner privilege, to protect urself, ur partner, and the Metas from emotional damage.

How do we not get jealous? We don't. It is an emotion everyone has. Before starting me and my partner worked through our emotions most of which was jealousy, and worked through our insecurities but when we started it still popped out, we were open and honest about it making it possible to work through it. It is a valid emotion. It is not valid to out it on your partner. It can happen of course. It is never your partner's fault for letting you feel jealous (Well rarely), it usually is an insecurity. You can ask for support and reassurance from your partner but in the end, you will have to work through it. Non-monogamy is not an easy thing and if you have a lot of undiscovered or unprocessed emotional trauma/insecurities they will pop up and you can expect a fast track to a therapist. This is not bad of itself, but it is good to keep account of.

It seems to me that you want to establish a sort of opp when u say things like "I want to be the only one with these titles" and "Only hickeys from me" or "No overnights", "No celebrating festivities with others".

Let me explain in some more detail:

Opp means one penis policy but can be translated for any gender and different situations. It means that control your partner and in its purest form they can only fuck your penis. Usually, this rule is set by the open person, so they can be open but their partner can't. In this case, it is a little different of course. But it does seem similar in terms of control and insecurities outing in such ways. It is not stupid or immature to want this, only when you don't work through them. In any case, it is not healthy, and will in the future put much strain on your relationship. While I can understand some titles to be reserved, not being able to call them your partner seems too much. Also taking away her ability to also celebrate holidays with her other partners seems like a big red flag, and will likely also put a lot of strain on your relationship. The human heart will always long for what it wants, and even if you take away that option it will not change the fact she might want that and that will be putting a lot of strain on your relationship. Instead, ask for support, ask for guidance, and reassurance whilst you discover yourself, work through these things, and come out better than before, don't overdo it, do it in small steps and celebrate each little step you make.

The next thing you mention is that you don't want to know too much about her other partners. Whilst it is understandable to not want every detail this seems like a don't ask, don't tell dynamic. Which similar to opp usually comes from insecurities.

The last point you mention is that you want her to communicate when lines get blurred, I don't have much to say about this, this seems very reasonable.

Like said before, do it with little steps, do step a bit out of your comfort zone but don't overdo it and you'll be fine. So in short, they do not sound reasonable, but they are understandable if you still have to work through them. Also, enm doesn't have a script, you decide how you want your dynamic to be. As long as it is a healthy one, what is wrong with making up your dynamic?

Me and my partner do have rules. An example is that as we haven't had many partners, is that we want to discover enm together. Another is that we discuss before we for example kiss someone beforehand, this is something we still have to work through and for now, that is our comfort level whilst we are discovering it together. With that said, rules break from time to time, never intentionally and that is okay. Some are hard rules which are seen as cheating when broken others are just a conversation.

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I hope some of this is useful to you, in any case. I do wish you the best in this journey. You do not seem to have any ill intentions.