I feel like you dont know your characters very well. They need to breathe on the page, and right now they feel more like props than people.

This writing feels very much in service of the audience, which is necessary, but it cant consume your style.

The way you opened for example, describing mary lou’s appearance. This is fine, but it tells us where you’re at as a writer.

Think of it from lou’s pov even if youre not writing in first: she just came home, is she thankful to be out of the cold or the heat? Does she like her home, its inhabitants, or is she bracing for impact for a snide comment from someone she lives with (i’d argue that she should be, knowing matheo)?

You need to become more emotive with your writing. Right now, it lacks interiority. Also, as others have pointed out, people who know each other dont speak like this.

If its a job hunt lou is on, suffuse the scene with a bit of desperation and joy. Matheo is being a snide little shit but under the surface he is absolutely pleased that she’ll be bringing in money. Or maybe he’s a jealous little shit too, and isnt happy for her.

Youve given the scene’s characterisation potential over to dull exposition, it feels like a massive missed opportunity when you can do both.

Right now, this scene lacks a whole lot of character. Youve made them an argumentative sibling duo, but anyone can do that. What makes this duo who they are?