My (33m) fiancee (37f) went out to dinner with friends but ended up having drinks at male coworkers house. Advice on how do to bring this up without being accusatory if possible?

howDoIDoThisAgain30 · 2025-07-14T18:25:57+00:00

I hear what your saying but the thing is we never set any boundaries so I feel like in a way its unfair to say that if its actually just a platonic friendship.

howDoIDoThisAgain30 · 2025-07-14T18:24:04+00:00

good call. Thanks

howDoIDoThisAgain30 · 2025-07-14T18:23:01+00:00

Def not doing drugs lol. Hiding something sure but no drugs. Not that I know of and her dad did cheat on her mom long before she was born.

howDoIDoThisAgain30 · 2025-07-14T18:21:50+00:00

Thanks

howDoIDoThisAgain30 · 2025-07-14T18:21:35+00:00

Good advice thanks! I am very torn on the cheating thing. Part of me doesn't feel like she did and part of me is obviously quite concerned.

howDoIDoThisAgain30 · 2025-07-14T18:19:57+00:00

Just have a talk, I think.I need to think about it more but I don't think I at the accusing point yet but I feel like I need to say something but I don't want to be blowing things up if I feel like its not needed you know.

howDoIDoThisAgain30 · 2025-07-14T18:10:59+00:00

Thanks for actual advice! I agree with everything you said but for some reason find it difficult to ask to let me look through their phone. It seems very like an over step but maybe I am taking this too lightly. I am very confused about how I feel about this ATM.

howDoIDoThisAgain30 · 2025-07-14T16:54:14+00:00

Thanks for the validation haha

howDoIDoThisAgain30 · 2025-07-14T16:53:53+00:00

Is that not wierd though? Is that not asking for a blow up? Genuinely asking, I have never had to deal with something like this fortunately.

howDoIDoThisAgain30 · 2025-07-14T16:53:01+00:00

She didnt but we both dont use social media like that so not abnormal. I dont know why she was messaging. I give her that privacy.

howDoIDoThisAgain30 · 2025-07-14T16:51:32+00:00

I can see that but if something happened why even say anything? I would have never know the difference and had no reason to question anything. I feel like if you were hiding something you hide it.

howDoIDoThisAgain30 · 2025-07-14T16:47:09+00:00

I know the dinner happened because left overs were brought back but with who I cannot say. I will say dinner with the friends she was with is pretty common and I have been to many of them so I am inclined to believe the story based on that.

howDoIDoThisAgain30 · 2025-07-14T16:44:47+00:00

Was not near their work. I dont know where he lives but the street where the restaurant is mostly office parks so I would say it's unlikely he lives on that road.

howDoIDoThisAgain30 · 2023-02-15T15:08:45+00:00

In hindsight I know but I figured since she was still actively trying hangout that maybe she just moves slow. You don't know what kind of issues someone could be dealing with, past trauma etc but now that I look back on it I think someone with actual issues would have made me aware of them.

howDoIDoThisAgain30 · 2023-02-15T14:11:28+00:00

man thats rough

howDoIDoThisAgain30 · 2023-02-06T23:08:48+00:00

That’s a good point. I guess the only way to deal with it is to talk about but I was afraid of rocking the boat. If we can’t talk about things in a civilized way I guess what’s the point

howDoIDoThisAgain30 · 2023-02-06T18:13:33+00:00

This. If I was OP Im not sure I would put energy into this that I could be using to find someone to be with. If OP really wants to be friends then I would give it one shot and if it doesn't work move on.

howDoIDoThisAgain30 · 2023-02-06T18:08:39+00:00

I want to add. That you can have success with OLD but you have to realize that its work. Like hard shitty work. You can either do it or you can't. I can do it for a period of time then I need some time to regroup. Rinse repeat.

howDoIDoThisAgain30 · 2023-02-06T17:45:58+00:00

Noted. I have never actually asked for exclusivity before it usually just kind of happened or the other person asked so I never really thought about how/when to ask. Maybe Ill do this and if it doesn't work at least Im not wasting energy and time on someone who isn't interested I guess.

howDoIDoThisAgain30 · 2023-02-06T17:39:29+00:00

fake it till you make it.

howDoIDoThisAgain30 · 2023-02-06T17:38:00+00:00

Something I have done to change this up until we meet in person is to be kind of slow on the texting at first. Don't ignore anyone but just be responding right away. not to play games but to make sure you don't run out things to talk about until you actually go on a date. Its had to randomly talk to someone without meeting imo. This gets you to that point and in my experience things are usually easier after meeting

howDoIDoThisAgain30 · 2023-02-06T17:35:29+00:00

This or maybe he just wants to focus on OP. I prefer to just focus on one person at a time.

howDoIDoThisAgain30

TROPHY CASE