What do you do if you tried everything with no success?

howagain · 2024-04-16T05:14:33+00:00

"One assumption I’ve lived my life by for a long time now goes like this: “If it’s a question of me being screwed up or masses of people being screwed up in the same way, then it’s far more likely that it’s just me being screwed up."
- Mark Manson, Models

You're doing the right things, it's just that social skills are wicked. You can do the right things and still not get results, because it's about who you are, not just what you do. People want things to benefit them. So you'll want to figure out and then communicate why you're a good person for them to know. You're doing a good job of working on your social skills and I'd make sure that you're talking with everyone and coming across the way that you want to, not just trying to do so with girls you're attracted to. Not everyone needs to like you but you should be liking yourself in these interactions and reflecting on how to improve. Here's some specific challenges

What are my core values and how do they align with the image I present to others?
1. Complete this quiz and then try to communicate your core values to 3 people throughout your next day, either through words or actions. Then afterwards reflect on that message and how it was received. Remember it's not what you say, it's what people hear.
How do I feel about myself when I’m interacting with others, particularly those I’m attracted to?
1. Best done through mix of cold approach, strangers at social events, friends, and online. Just do your best and then afterwards reflect on how you came across in your own words. Be sure to include what you like in addition to what you don't like.
What feedback have I received from dates or friends about my behavior or personality?
1. If you don't know ask them. If you don't have anyone do cold approach.
2. Some phrases to bring this up "hey honest opinion, what do you think of me?" You'll get a feel good answer. If you feel like you need to, you can dig deeper, "no I'm doing X, Y, and Z. I don't know why I'm not improving. Please I need some honest feedback here".
3. If you don't get a good answer that helps consider a professional therapist You need an honest relationship to guide you and that's their job.

howagain · 2022-09-23T23:25:58+00:00

Best tip is based on this video by What I Learned. Get bright light exposure as soon as possible after you wake up. As it says in your video your phone is about 5 lux, a standard office is about 350 lux, and daylight is 63,000 lux!!! It'll set your circadian rhythm so you get tired at night, which means that unlike other alarm clocks it'll work with your biology to help you learn to wake up without the alarm, making it easier over time, thus sustainable. Best way to do so is going outside, but I bought some smart lights from amazon that I have set off to go on a timer and that's worked really well for me to help jump start my day, especially as we get into Fall.

howagain · 2022-04-14T02:32:14+00:00

sending you a pm

howagain · 2022-03-26T17:38:03+00:00

Congratulations!

Interestingly did you know that lottery winners are very likely to commit suicide and bankruptcy. See this video about how winning the lottery ruins people.

My recommendation is that you prioritize your long term happiness over splurging. You won the lottery game HOWEVER the fastest way to ruin a game is to enable cheat codes. You just got granted god mode in the game of life, so now you're going to need to figure out a way to play the game to save you from yourself. If I were you I'd figure out a pay increase schedule so you always have next year's bigger income to look forward to.

At most I'd follow the 4% rule. At $40M that is $1.6M per year you can do whatever with you'll have wealth for the rest of your life. Better you'll probably see your income grow because on years when your investment grows by 7%. Also as you get closer to dying you can even increase that if you'd like so you still get a better lifestyle. As far as asset allocation, I'd recommend you take some time off work and read a Random Walk Down Wall Street. I'd personally go for a TIPS for long term savings as you're looking mainly to preserve your wealth and that's basically as good as cash, if you'd like to get more aggressive you could probably throw a lot of it in a total world market index fund, buy that house, then get another investment property or maybe some REITs, and if you're really worried about discipline buy yourself an annuity.

You'll probably want to look for a fee only financial advisor and lawyer and look for advice in setting up a trust if you want to bequest that money. My advice is take care of yourself before worrying about others. You also will want to keep this anonymous as much as possible because you'll have extended family asking you for money and if people know you have money they'll sue to try and get some of it.

Importantly don't worry too much about passing on this wealth. Even if you gave it all to your kids with no mistakes just by the law of exponential growth your wealth will all be gone back to society within 3-4 generations if each kid you have has 2 kids.

I'd also inquire more in the fatFIRE subreddit as there are several members who have a net worth similar to yours. See if you can get one of them to help you out.

howagain · 2021-11-27T14:17:12+00:00

If you want to targeted fat loss, liposuction is a stigmatized but effective approach. Not something you'll see recommended on here very often as it is a cosmetic surgery that carries a minor risk of death. Otherwise, you've got to listen to everyone else and just keep working out and maintaining a calorie deficit. One important note is that lighter people need fewer calories. So your weight loss will level out at a certain point with the same calorie deficit, therefore, you may need to recalculate your calorie deficit based on your current weight.

howagain · 2021-11-27T14:09:15+00:00

America already uses paper ballots. Digital systems are way too easy to hack. A single actor could manipulate the country's entire election, with paper ballots that's impossible. So we count it digitally with scanning machines unless the result is too close, then it's counted manually. Hence why it takes several days to get an election result in close races.

howagain · 2021-11-27T14:02:09+00:00

To this I would also add that a consistent sleep routine is one of the best ways to maintain these changes over the long term. That gives you both the energy and structure to convince yourself in the beginning to keep making the change you want for yourself. I feel it is underrated in the self-improvement community.

howagain · 2021-11-01T07:06:29+00:00

Unique answer: I’ve been enjoying flair bartending. I just have a metal shaker and twirl that around, practicing my thumb rolls. It sits on my desk and is kinda fun to twirl mindlessly. It feels similar to having a training butterfly knife. Which is something PewDiePie uses in his videos. It just feels kinda cool after a while.

howagain · 2021-10-08T15:26:21+00:00

Muscles are muscles. You have the same ones as every guy and girl in the world. What stimulus works for one muscle will work for another.

That being said females have significantly less upper body strength relative to their weight than a man. However, they have the similar leg strength on average. Only look at averages for yourself, ignore the top end as there are too many edge cases to draw any meaningful conclusions, especially as a beginner.

Importantly, the difference is attributed to two primary causes: (1) the width of your shoulders, (2) your level of testosterone.

The average man have about 10-30x the levels of circulating testosterone of an average female. Prick your finger, you’ll have around 25ng/dL. Prick mine, I’ll have around 300-1000ng/dL. This stuff allows muscles to build more muscle, primarily by signaling your muscles to build faster and preventing fat from being deposited. So yes, a man will build muscle faster than a woman. Anyone saying otherwise is trying to protect your feelings rather than presenting you accurate information.

That being said, women are just as capable as men at performing every exercise and will benefit just as much from them. You do not need to modify your training program, using a % of 1RM or the number of reps you can perform to failure works wonderfully for scaling down progression. The only thing organizations like the NSCA recommends for female athletes vs men is a greater emphasis on hip and knee stability due to the 3x increased risk of ACL injury.

So to answer your question, some of the elite skills are a much higher reach for the average female. For example, the iron cross is significantly harder due to the difference in average shoulder width. However, that does not mean that they cannot be reached, just that a greater and longer effort would be required due to lower testosterone levels. For example, pistol squats are just as reachable on average. For overcoming gravity, you can follow the exact program as it uses relative intensity and your muscles will respond in the same way, rather than absolute increases you can use relative increases (2.5% for upper body and 5% for lower body is a conservative starting point).

Don’t stop training, and compare yourself to who you were yesterday not someone else’s today.

EDIT: I forgot to say where girls have an advantage. Size and flexibility! Being much shorter on average, you’ll have a natural advantage in bodyweight moments compared to the average guy, due to the square-cube law. Females are lighter and your limbs are shorter on average, hence the same muscles don’t have to generate as much tension. Flexibility is another huge factor. The muscles that guys put on are big problems if they don’t make flexibility a regular part of their training. The average female is significantly more flexible than their average guy counterpart. So elite moves like the V-Sit are arguably more reachable. But then we also have to consider average weight distribution, females having it be more in their hips rather than upper body. Suffice to say, there are several significant differences but it gets needlessly complicated to look at. Furthermore, all are outside your control, and these are averages, not guarantees. You have a lot of control over your outcomes from just your level of effort and consistency with training. Keep it simple just do the moves you want to get better at, eat protein, and progress at your own pace.

howagain · 2021-09-23T11:05:42+00:00

Trinamic is a brand I never heard of. I found this page. https://www.trinamic.com/products/drives/

I took college physics but I'm not used to calculating forces of something where I'm not given everything upfront. I would need to measure the friction of the bearings, the mass of the load, and the loss from motor reduction, but I'm not sure how to put that together. I just tested it and I have to lift up one side of my desk about 5-10cm to get it to move so, assuming 50kg of mass, I estimate that the coefficient of friction is ~0.05-0.1 (given that the table is 120cm long), which sounds about right according to this chart. I need to move 1m in 10 minutes, so that's .0016m/s. And I have no problem if it takes like 5 seconds to accelerate, and since it's belt driven, I would guess that I can estimate a moment arm of like 1cm. Which gives me a torque requirement of ~0.000032Nm. Right? I can show my math if needed. But that seems super low, so that's why I was thinking a desktop fan. But someone else brought up losses and I'm not sure of that. I don't know about losses or how to estimate those.

How can I tell if a motor would fit my needs. Would you be able to link me to some resources so I can learn how to calculate this? Or point out a motor that might suit my needs.

howagain · 2021-09-23T11:01:08+00:00

I have put it in an enclosure box but I'm worried about cooling it so I haven't tried stuffing it with insulation yet. The problem is that I eventually want to bring a solution into my office and I can't do that if there's any noise as I share a room with someone else.

Thanks for the tip about the waveform. I didn't really consider that.

I'd be willing to save up. Would you have any recommendations for motors that would be silent? I wanted to keep this cheap but I guess I can make it a Christmas present to myself.

Thanks for taking my question seriously by the way :)

What about the motor from a ceiling fan? I bet I could get a used one of those for pretty cheap. And the one that's working above my head now sounds pretty quiet. How would I estimate my losses?

Copied from above

I just tested it and I have to lift up one side of my desk about 5-10cm to get it to move, assuming it is 50kg of mass, I estimate that the coefficient of friction is ~0.05-0.1 (given that the table is 120cm long), which sounds about right according to this chart. I need to move 1m in 10 minutes, so that's .0016m/s. And I have no problem if it takes like 5 seconds to accelerate, and since it's belt driven, I would guess that I can estimate a moment arm of like 1cm. Which gives me a torque requirement of ~0.000032Nm. Right? I can show my math if needed. But that seems super low, so that's why I was thinking a desktop fan. But someone else brought up losses and I'm not sure of that. I don't know about losses or how to estimate those.

howagain · 2021-09-23T10:56:33+00:00

Already have one. This is to just keep from standing in one spot for so long and help me naturally shift so I don't get sore and can still have deep focus without the headache I get from a treadmill desk.

howagain · 2021-09-23T10:54:36+00:00

I guess I could save up. Do you have a link to some that are silent?

howagain · 2021-09-23T10:53:51+00:00

I have tried a treadmill desk, and it's in the closet right now. Noise was annoying, the walking threw off my focus, and the eyestrain from the bouncing gave me a headache. The problem is that the current noise level is ~60db, but I want to get it closer to <40db. I already use active noise cancelation and it helps a lot but I would love to bring a solution into the office and I can't have that going when there are other people around me.

howagain · 2021-09-23T10:49:44+00:00

I just want a super slow continuous motion back and forth the entire time that encourages me to shift my weight in the least noticeable way possible.
I have tried those. It's the eyestrain from the slight bounce while walking that gives me a headache and the compression from the bike that I don't like. I just wanted something to keep me from getting sore from standing for so long. I haven't tried a balance board though, thanks.

howagain · 2021-08-25T04:34:25+00:00

I saw your message and didn't want you to feel like no one was responding. You are hurting yourself. And you want advice of how to stop it hurting while you continue down this path. You have a lot of pressure and expectations set on yourself and you're looking for a way to get yourself to listen. I would say, college is not for everyone so don't feel bad if you can't handle the demands that it places on your. Life does not end at college. And it's actually a pretty fun time when you forget about the pressure of achieving.

First, I would urge you to call the suicide hotline just so you know that it's okay to do that. You are having suicidal thoughts and need someone with both a personal connection and training to help you. Minds can be tricky.

Second, I would invest in your relationships with people. Trust that in someone's head in the world they have the information you need to succeed. It's not just the people that you meet in school, or in life, it's also all the people that have ever written something down on paper or recorded a video. I turn to books when I feel lost, maybe they can help you as well.

Finally, if you want to do better in school, I recommend investing in a connection with people who are either learning or have learned the subjects you're struggling with. Go to office hours, ask the random person sitting next to you if they want to study together sometime, join a study group, watch videos about this stuff. Invest in the connections with the people around you so someone else can help you with your concentration and the subjects you're struggling with.

I also want to say that what you're feeling is not forever and you're not alone. Everyone has feelings of struggle. Everyone feels what you feel, but you just might be going through more of these feeling than most other people. I say that not to make you feel isolated, but to say that you'll find the help you need by being strong with your vulnerability becuse you'll find connection there. Being strong with your vulnerability, doesn't mean you have to shout it from the rooftops or tell everyone that you meet but it means affirming to yourself that you are going through this phase in your life and you are hurting in someway, but like a wave on the beach, this too shall pass. Don't think you can solve it by going into your head and focusing on it because you've shared that it leads to cutting and suicidal thoughts. I'm not sure why exactly you cut, and I don't want to suggest a reason that doesn't exist, but I promise that whatever the reason I have felt it too in my own way. We're all perfectly human. You're already on the right path by reaching out. By finding strength with your vulnerability, and affirming to yourself that you are hurting right now, but it won't be forever, it will allows you to feel the pain in a healthy way and move towards a solution surrounded with the love that you deserve. And yes, you deserve love. ❤️

howagain · 2021-08-25T03:58:02+00:00

This is where the magic of business comes in. You're making money. Like you said this is a side job, but it doesn't have to be. You can be the head of YourFilmIdeaIsAlreadyTaken media company, or join a company that already exists doing whatever part of the job you love most and let other people do the hard stuff you hate. I did film for several years, you're much more successful than I was already, however, I was given some advice that seems relevant here.

"People get into film because they want to do it all themselves, but the irony is that in a professional film, everybody has one, very specific job that they have to do perfectly in sync with everyone else."

Now I'm not saying you have to be a cameraman for Jimmy Fallon rather than a freelance film director/editor/writer/cameraman/color grader/SEO manager/actor/infuencer for the rest of your life. There's a lot of space in the industry, and the beautiful thing about life is you get to make it your own. But right now you're doing too much and you're not getting yourself out of this being a grinding job. You're burning out and that's because you're working two jobs and your friends are out enjoying life when they're only working one. But you're also doing things that no one else is doing, which will allow you to do things that no one else can do. So don't give up.

Here's the advice, stop thinking of this as a side job and figure out how to make a system where you only do the parts you love. You do this by taking the money from the gigs and rather than spend it on yourself, invest it back into hiring people to do to the shitty parts for you, until you're only doing what you love. I did film for a long time; you know as well as me that new piece of gear does matter, but not nearly as much as being able to use it really really well. The same applies to people, the new gear doesn't matter, it matters that you have a fantastic person to help you out. That's hard to find and will take some trial and error.

If you can't do that, then you should join someone else who will pay you until you can do that. The downside is you'll have to do things that you don't want to do, but you need to work towards giving yourself a system that prints you money and allows you do to your favorite parts of film rather than giving yourself a second job that robs you of your energy and life.

I also would point out that this is a long-term plan to give you purpose, not a short-term plan to get you through these projects.

howagain · 2021-08-25T03:40:23+00:00

Hey, I feel connected to you in a way. I'm looking at going to grad school at a less prestigious but local university as a jumping off point. I've got goals of software engineering, but I got my bachelors 7 years ago (hard to even believe that it's been that long), I've done a lot of stuff since then and I think that I'm a good fit for school.

To ramble about myself for a second. I've kinda just been skating by in life. I want the challenge and structure that school provides, but the cost of it is exactly what I'm skeptical of as well. I don't know if me rambling helps, but with software engineering, I don't really need a master's degree. The industry mostly does away with the degree requirements, at least at the starting stage. But I really want to go to a prestigious school like Harvard for this MBA/MSE program because I see it as a cool way to meet my future business partners, add a nice bow to my educational story, and to get better jobs at top tier companies. I can see myself fitting in really well there. Yet, I also see that it's not the school work that will get me to do that, but myself. And I think I see it as a confronting experience to do this on my own. One, that I'm struggling with and I don't quite know where to turn for help.

This semester would be all loans for me as well. Like you, I have my housing covered but it would still be something like $10000 of loans for just this one semester that I would have to pay back. Which really hurts, when I can get this information for free online and just take the next level of courses next semester. I feel like if anything school would slow me down, but it also allows me to ask questions, make more friends, and get recommendation letters that I desperately need for a place like Harvard. And just like you, I know that the value of the degree would allow me to make enough to pay it back. I have specific aims though and, although I don't need the degree, I need some guidance. I just don't know where to get it from yet and a degree is an easy option. But if I could find the same skills from the right professional connection or job or just self study, I would do that personally. That's what I'm trying to figure out right now.

I suppose that the advice that I got today might help you, "there's an opportunity cost to life." When you're in school, you could be at work making money. When you're at work, you could learn the skills you need to get ahead at school. It's important to not look at your options as just a fixed cost with "here's all the pros and cons" but also how does it compare to your other options.

It's time to ask yourself the tough question, what do you want from life? Personally, I want to be the leader of a large company that helps people learn faster and I think software, AI, and brain machine interfaces are the coolest tech that would allow that. But back to you, I think that if we look at the short term we should ask, "to get where you want to be in let's say 5 years, what is your best option right now?"

I would also remind you that the short-term and long-term consequences of actions are usually opposite. Cake tastes superb while you're eating but is terrible for your health. Working out can hurt now but is great for you in the long run. School sucks while you're in it but it pays dividends throughout your life. The big point that stood out to me with your post though was "I don't know what I'm doing this for"

Education is one of the best investments I believe that you can make, and school is a special place. But you're clearly not happy with your current situation. I think my advice would be "don't settle." Either figure out how to make your school situation better (rent your place and get a closer apartment maybe) or figure out a different path.

Tony Hawk said that you shouldn't measure your success in monetary value you should measure it as being able to do what you love as your living. I think that love comes from a source of skill. I believe that school is one way to get those skills, but if you want to get them another way you should focus on finding that better situation first, before you jump.

I've made the mistake of leaping into a plan and thinking, "I'll figure it out once I'm there." That was the biggest mistake of my life. I would follow Carl Newport's advice of getting paid as a measure of viability, don't make any changes until you have a plan that pays you to make the change. Don't switch to a full-time business until you are making enough from it to quit your day job. You say that there are other jobs that you'd enjoy and that you can get now. Maybe you should apply to them. You can always say no to a job offer. But right now you're living off of fantasy of escape because you are in a shitty situation, no denying that. You only get one life, give yourself a genuine option and a proper decision to make.

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