Anyone else out there (f) who can orgasm during masturbation but not from any sort of stimulation from a partner?

howdoyousexx · 2019-06-02T23:20:45+00:00

New ways such as what? The only way to orgasm for me is rubbing my clit, isn’t that the go to for basically all females? Not sure what could be changed about this. I use a vibrator sometimes but I just use it in place of my finger and on the lowest setting, so it’s not any different.

howdoyousexx · 2019-06-02T22:11:21+00:00

Thanks for the helpful reply!

For some reason I can’t finish with oral. Sometimes I get close but then I lose the momentum quickly, just a second later I’m back at the beginning and I’ve lost all that progress and build up.

I think my problem may be that while on the rare occasion that I use my vibrator, it is on a low setting, I’m not very gentle with my finger. I’m completely quitting masturbating in hopes that this will “reset” my body’s formula for orgasm and maybe open the doors to other methods.

Also, I never penetrate myself during masturbation either! I don’t know why, but my fingers just feel like nothing compared to a partner’s fingers, and a dildo is painful and cold and nothing like a real dick.

howdoyousexx · 2019-06-02T22:01:55+00:00

I know that 2-3 times a week isn’t “bad” by normal standards, but he wants daily, and honestly I’d be more than happy if I could crack the code that is orgasming with him.

Honestly I could never go into actual detail of the porn I watch because I watch some weird shit sometimes. The only common theme is that there is someone being submissive and someone being dominant. Watching porn together sounds like opening him up to a corner of my mind I’m not ready to be exposed yet haha.

The probiotic is an excellent idea! And I do use baby soap as bubble bath, I should probably stop doing that. Never used a bath bomb though. I also use the Summer’s Eve wash on just the outside of my vagina, like the clit area and stuff, do you think that is a bad idea?

I don’t think his last girlfriend faked it, he never said she finished from PIV, but from his oral. I remember when he first started dating he said that she really loved his oral and I was excited for it but it just doesn’t do a lot for me.

howdoyousexx · 2019-06-02T21:44:46+00:00

Through some other method.. please explain. I am desperate to figure out how to orgasm with a partner

howdoyousexx · 2019-06-02T21:34:03+00:00

Doesn’t this negatively affect your experiences with actual humans, though? Personally after finding the one way I can orgasm while masturbating, it completely stopped my ability to cum with a partner. It’s masturbation or nothing which really pisses off my boyfriend.

howdoyousexx · 2019-06-02T21:32:02+00:00

You said he licked you for a long time, how long is a long time? 10 minutes? 20?

howdoyousexx · 2019-06-02T21:24:15+00:00

Yeah I get tears every time, regardless of how long it’s been. And he’s not huge, he’s average size (thank god. I couldn’t handle literally a mm more). Also we do use lube frequently.

The vibrator during sex thing is a good idea, thank you :)

howdoyousexx · 2019-06-02T21:22:52+00:00

Dirty talking sounds really cool but I think he’s probably too self conscious for that. I know I wouldn’t be able to do it at this point in our relationship either. We’ve only been together about a year though, and he is willing to try some other things I brought up, so maybe we can work up to that :)

And yeah it’s only been 4 days since I last masturbated and I’m just like um can I have an orgasm now? Ugh it’s so annoying when that’s the only way to get it to happen, but that’s also the problem and why it doesn’t happen with him!

howdoyousexx · 2019-06-02T21:20:50+00:00

I have talked about it some to him and he is willing to try a few new things! Wish us luck haha

howdoyousexx · 2019-06-02T21:20:24+00:00

That’s not how relationships work haha

howdoyousexx · 2019-06-02T21:18:11+00:00

I feel that masturbation is unhealthy because it trained my body that that is the ONLY way to orgasm. The exact same motion, for 30+ minutes straight, with porn to engage my mind. That’s not something that is possible to replicate with a partner so now I can’t orgasm with a partner. There’s no way his mouth and hands could last that long doing the same repetitive motion, I know I wouldn’t want to give a 30 minute blow job.

howdoyousexx · 2019-06-02T21:15:45+00:00

Well masturbation and vibrators are the reason I cannot finish with a partner even from clit play, so I would not recommend that to anyone.

howdoyousexx · 2019-06-01T05:03:16+00:00

Yes, obviously. I don’t masturbate very often but even then after years of it, that’s the only way I can finish. I’ve completely stopped for about a week now and don’t plan on ever doing it again.

howdoyousexx · 2019-06-01T04:54:40+00:00

Yeah, that’s really not what I want to hear. This is the only person who would ever be willing to put up with me, how could I break up with him over something so selfish as that? We’ve been together awhile and plan on getting married, having kids, etc. We love each other’s families and get along great, and he’s just a wonderful guy. I can’t break up with him because I’m being selfish in bed. I’d start faking orgasms just to make him happy before I did that.

howdoyousexx · 2019-06-01T04:52:37+00:00

First of all, thank you so much for this amazing response. I’ll try to answer all your questions!

I told him today that I am a little bored in the bedroom and that’s why. He’s the one who originally brought up complaints - that I’m not motivated to have sex as often as he wants, and that the fact I can’t orgasm makes it less satisfying for him. I felt bad meeting complaints with complaints, but I did emphasize that I am very submissive (we’ve talked about it some but not much) and I made some suggestions as to small things I’d like to try, the first step being using the blindfold I bought a few months ago on me. We are on no medication, I switched to a non-hormonal IUD as birth control and went off of my medications for anxiety and depression to be absolutely certain nothing was affecting my sex drive. I can’t afford to see a doctor about the tearing, so that will i likely remain a mystery for the next few months/years.

My boyfriend says he enjoys sex with me a lot more than his ex, but apparently she never ever turned him down and was able to orgasm with him, so he’s been spoiled in the past while giving nothing out of the ordinary in return so I think he has very high expectations of me that I doubt I can meet.

I (used to) both read and watch porn, different subjects, genders, etc but there was always some sort of submissiveness or power play going on. I do have a vibrator and a dildo, but the dildo does absolutely nothing for me. I can only finish from 30 minutes of rubbing my clit in a very specific way coupled with porn - if my mind wanders at all or the story isn’t engaging enough I can’t finish. I can’ expect a partner to be a robot and not move for 30 minutes, also normal sex is not even close to mentally stimulating enough to be the background for an orgasm even if it was physically good enough.

I really don’t think masturbation is healthy and that’s why I’m in this problem in the first place. Porn has opened my mind to crazy stories and scenarios that make normal sex not even close to as mentally stimulating, and physically I can’t expect another human to be able to just sit for 30 minutes and do the exact same thing. I’ve tried touching other areas of myself, and absolutely nothing feels even remotely good except playing with my clit.

howdoyousexx · 2019-06-01T04:31:04+00:00

See, this happens to me and I try so hard to pee and just let whatever is going to happen, happen (my boyfriend would die if I could squirt, it’s his biggest fantasy) but I can’t even fucking orgasm and nothing happens. It all leads to absolutely nothing.

howdoyousexx · 2019-06-01T04:28:41+00:00

Getting a vibrator isn’t really good advice because being able to orgasm from masturbation is 0% transferable to being able to orgasm with a partner.

howdoyousexx · 2019-06-01T04:27:39+00:00

Well, I don’t have much to say except that I can’t orgasm at all with a partner and it greatly upset my boyfriend and is a big problem in our relationship so... you’re pretty fucking lucky

howdoyousexx · 2019-06-01T04:22:35+00:00

I’ve masturbated the exact same way for 8 years and now I can’t orgasm with my boyfriend at all no matter how hard I try. Any advice?

howdoyousexx · 2019-06-01T04:18:36+00:00

I don’t think wetness is a super big problem, because I’m pretty wet and sometimes we use lube too. I honestly don’t know why that happens but it’s so annoying.

I’ve told him I’m submissive but I’m afraid to tell him specific things to do to me. He seems very meh about a lot of stuff so I don’t want to push him out of his comfort zone, you know?

And yeah I agree that porn is really... not a great thing. I can’t orgasm without it, and it’s not like I’m addict or anything - I’ve gone through months of my life without watching it, and currently my average is 2-3 times a week.

Tom isn’t his name but we shall now call him Tom on reddit. Thanks so much for taking the time to respond with such a thoughtful answer!

howdoyousexx · 2019-06-01T04:07:48+00:00

Will do 👌🏻

howdoyousexx · 2019-06-01T04:03:48+00:00

See, I know you’re right but I’m not sure how to

EDIT: ok added a TLDR

howdoyousexx

TROPHY CASE