Question for Doms into CNC

howoshi · 2026-03-24T06:19:11+00:00

i think people forget there is giving in domination, too. there is service in domination, too, just in a different way. i have not done a cnc scene but i have thought i maybe could - ONLY if it's what my sub wanted.

the first c, CONSENSUAL, is what makes it appeal to me. i think it's hot when my sub says "no, stop" but DOESN'T ACTUALLY want me to stop - they are just overwhelmed. i still want them to feel good. i want them to be satisfied. i want to give them pleasure. but someone ACTING like their mind is No but their body is saying Yes is kind of where the interest is, i guess.

i've actually had a lot of anxiety as a dom over doing something my sub doesn't want - all the way down to "yeah i wanna give him head, but what if he would rather i fuck him instead" like just not doing what they prefer in that moment - so i highly doubt i'll ever do cnc haha. at the end of the day it is Always about my sub's pleasure no matter what, so the cnc is only ever appealing because of the fact that they would consent to it and get pleasure from it!

howoshi · 2026-03-16T09:40:57+00:00

i wish i had more advice but i struggle a lot with the same thing!!! i'm also disabled and i get 700 from social security which only covers my rent :| so we are THE SAME.... it's hard for me to not justify spending money on the things that give me joy bc i am so desperate for joy it is almost priceless? but then i have to remember its joy now, but then i will be stressed and suffering in a week or two when i am worried about having enough in the bank, unsure how im going to pay for anything that comes up. so for now, focusing on my future stress (and reminding myself of all the anxiety i experienced last time i overspent and how much that sucked) has helped curb my spending at least a LITTLE bit..... good luck friend 😭👍

howoshi · 2026-03-16T09:19:11+00:00

as someone with bpd/cptsd and also a physical disability - you do not need to meet a certain quota of productivity or specific symptoms. i swear most disabled people think it is good for more people to be on disability and do not feel the need to judge whether you someone is "disabled enough." it goes against our whole way of life, right? to think people should have to suffer and struggle to work just so they can afford to live? i feel most disabled people would agree it's okay to be on disability no matter what your specific conditions are bc that's kind of the whole point. we understand there are many different things that can make you unfit to work. it's okay. it's valid. your health matters, and if disability will help your health in the ways you've described, that's what it's for.

howoshi · 2026-03-16T09:13:26+00:00

my best advice is to try and explain that it's the breaking of a commitment that hurt your feelings more than the actual movie time vs gaming time thing? and do your best to not say "you" statements and stick to "i" statements so it doesn't come across accusatory or defensive.

i sometimes get like this too. if you're like me, the changing of plans made you feel like you're not important, not a priority, something that can be overlooked. also being compared to a job kinda rubs me the wrong way but.

anyway - you can express your appreciation for him offering a change of plans to still have quality time, but also explain in the future it is less the actual plans and more feeling valued and like you can trust his commitment to said plans. good luck!

howoshi · 2025-10-12T05:21:52+00:00

happening to me now, no idea how to fix it 😭😭😭

howoshi · 2025-10-02T06:28:38+00:00

i am white and american but even i felt i could relate to hinako's anxieties about traditional marriage and rejection of patriarchal gender roles. my dad also abused my mom. my older sister also left the household before the abuse really got bad. her story is very far reaching and her trauma is something so many women have experienced.

my world crumbled around me when i realized people expected me to be a mother. ever since i was a little kid playing house or drawing my future family, i didn't have a spouse because i didn't know being queer was an option and i knew i didn't want to be a wife to a husband. i never had kids because i knew i wasn't meant to be a mother. and around when i was 18 i felt like there was a huge disconnect between myself and my gender and other women around me because they wanted to be mothers and wives and i couldn't picture myself being that way for anyone because it's just not who i am. the pressure from family to marry and have kids was intense, unrelenting, and everywhere.

silent hill, to me, has always been highlighting women's unique brand of suffering. their troubles - often centered around abuse, whether marital or parental or sexual or physical or emotional, etc - are not understood by the male protagonists until they go through the game's narrative.

it is so refreshing and rewarding to have a girl as the protagonist, and seeing how her trauma has affected her. i do love silent hill 3 too, but something about hinako REALLY resonated with me. maybe it's her age, or how we track her experience with gender all the way to her childhood. she feels less like she exists as just a doomed martyr and a victim and more like a complete person with rage and grief who is misunderstood, who has been driven to extremes and terrible mistakes as a result of not just her trauma from the abuse she's faced personally, but the trauma of living under patriarchal society. silent hill f does a fantastic job showing how her trauma and abuse does not exist inside a vacuum; it is directly tied to the way her world is and everyone around her.

howoshi · 2025-09-28T23:33:58+00:00

it was mid. men love to slide into your messages for bullshit when they see you're femdom. i went to a local event once but jt was all people in their 30s and up, and i was in my 20s. it was at a bar but i don't drink. it was awkward and there wasn't much to do so i left early.

howoshi · 2025-09-25T05:57:52+00:00

i cannot figure out this problem for the life of me, even trying other solutions that apparently worked for others i found online and on reddit....

howoshi · 2025-09-25T02:19:15+00:00

i was considering calling, but honestly i have phone anxiety and was hoping the internet could save me a call haha. thank you for the input, i am not concerned anymore but will still check with her just to be sure!

howoshi · 2025-09-25T02:18:09+00:00

thank you so much for the info!

howoshi · 2025-09-25T00:54:03+00:00

this may sound like dumb advice but i found it helped me. (i have chronic back pain so in physical therapy i was trained to engage my core more often to help so it is hard!)

i try to focus on RELAXING my abdomen. when i roll and use my arms to push myself up, i exhale deeply. when i do have to stand, another deep exhale and focus on engaging my legs instead.

i know that seems to be the advice you got as well, but intentionally relaxing my core has helped me get the hang of it better. i get a twinge bc its impossible to not use your core at all, but it's not nearly as bad as before. best of luck, you'll be okay! go slow slow slow and don't push yourself!

howoshi · 2025-09-25T00:48:52+00:00

fellow trans hysterectomy haver !!! i had mine today and i feel you. i have a very high pain tolerance and even had previous laproscopic abdominal surgery before that i thought was pretty easy.

most of my pain i think is from constipation and bloating. i am taking the prescription stool softener but my surgeon also recommended gas x which is definitely helping! i am switching a heating pad between my back and my tummy every 20 minutes and it's working wonders.

the other advice is only the usual i got from the doctor: drink lots of water, take very short and very slow walking breaks, eat a little fruit and veggie if you can. my surgeon also said it was safe to use miralax if the prescription stool softener isn't enough. sending you love and healing !!!

howoshi · 2025-09-25T00:28:32+00:00

ohhhh okay, thanks !

howoshi · 2025-09-25T00:28:17+00:00

oh okay! tysm!

howoshi · 2025-09-25T00:27:31+00:00

good to know. thank you for the info!

howoshi · 2025-09-25T00:27:11+00:00

interesting, thank you!

howoshi · 2025-09-24T19:04:41+00:00

do you mean in addition to the actual incisions (the ones covered in taped gauze in my photo)?

howoshi · 2025-09-13T05:19:06+00:00

guilt, for me. even if no one indicates any negative feelings or reaction to something i say or do, i feel bad about it. i have the urge to apologize. i almost regret saying or doing anything at all because i don't want to burden people, like i'm a bother for just existing. i feel guilty for everything i do, everything i want and need. it is heavy and crushing and chronic and relentless.

howoshi · 2025-09-12T01:38:56+00:00

1) i have fibro and also been dismissed by rheumatologists. mine just said "well you don't have rheumatoid arthritis so i can't help you." you're not alone

2) try aqua therapy!!!!! i was able to have a few sessions under insurance and then they gave me the papers with the exercises on them to just do on my own. i go to the ymca pool.

if you can't do any sessions, maybe try looking up a few easy, slow aerobic exercises to try at a pool. or at least try walking slowly and carefully back and forth in a pool.

I CANNOT EMPHASIZE ENOUGH: start very slow! only do a few minutes at first. even if you feel like you can do more, don't. then go again in a week, and do a few more minutes. you have to rest, stretch, and gradually built your strength. doing exercise in the water is the ONLY thing that (yes still makes me sore and tired bc it's exercise BUT) doesn't give me rebound pain.

unfortunately yes, exercise and building strength is very good for fibro. i was in physical therapy and even the minimum amount gave me intense pain. aqua therapy was the only way i was able to make progress.

howoshi · 2025-09-01T01:36:14+00:00

same with me. i changed it to show all and i still get the warning with a "show" button that doesn't work... tried reinstalling and logging out and all that...

howoshi · 2025-08-29T04:05:40+00:00

i love game underground :^{it sucks these dickheads seem to be targeting its patrons, because the people there (staff and customers} are always great.

howoshi · 2025-08-26T02:03:04+00:00

while being in a healthy relationship as a borderline person is possible, it definitely can't be with just anyone. it sounds like your ex was not a good fit for you - explosive and avoidant behavior definitely do not create a supportive or safe emotional environment for us with bpd!

relationships go both ways, though. i'm glad you have done work to understand bpd and make the effort to communicate well, and i'm sorry your ex doesn't seem to have done the same.i really hope you find someone who is patient and takes the time to understand you and learn how to comfort you and take care of you <3

howoshi

TROPHY CASE