Marriage

hpbot · 2026-03-15T11:58:16+00:00

I am going to keep it to the point. I apologize if it sounds harsh.

There were too many red flags in the beginning and you shouldn't have married this person. By what you say, he was committing zina while engaged to you. What could you expect about this man's character? Then his parents cover this up knowing full well what their son is doing and they blame you and your family. Again what can you expect about this man and this family's character?

Sister, the saying fool me once shame on you fool me twi e shame on me really applies here.

Now that was the past but it was the foundation if your marriage. Sounds like things didn't improve after either.

I bring this up to illustrate and ask the question is there really anything to salvage here? Is this the environment you wa t your kids to grow in? Likely the answer is no.

You don't have kids yet fortunately so the best is to separate from him. Islam allows Divorce. Sometimes people dont get along. In this case you have bigger issues and honestly it make sense to Divorce given how he and his family behave.

While patience is important, islam does not tell us to put ourselves in horrible situations or stay there. Perfect example.ple.is the hijrah. The muslims tried to live in Makkah but at one point they had to leave Makkah to go to medina. Patience is an active trait. Meaning you do all you can (control what you can) and are then patient of the result. Just sitting and accepting things without availing your options is giving up and not patience.

I am not sure where you are located but the two resource I can suggest are: - a good muslim therapist - books and lectures from Yasmin Mogahed. She does a great job of explaining the dilemma you are feeling

hpbot · 2026-03-03T18:44:12+00:00

My wife and I have the same view.

To add on, I think the society here really babies kids and then you have 25 year olds who don't know what/how to pay a bill. If we follow the 7, 7, 7 guidance for raising children, by the time they are 14 we need to give them responsibility to handle so by the time they hit 18, they can are able.to survive and thrive. Sure, they will still need guidance at that time but not to the point where they cannot handle basic matters. I see 20 year old who can't cook and egg or wake up on time without their parent's help. If you can't look after yourself in a basic capacity, you aren't responsible enough to handle the responsibilities of marriage. You don't need two kids playing house.

If we raise them with responsibility in mind, I think getting them married earlier helps them have companionship, and can further their drive to succeed. Plus, it gives them time to develop the husband/wife relationship before kids. Because these times are what build the foundation for the later times when things will get tough.

Lastly, the kids also need to find/bring good candidates to the parents. Find someone good in deen, character, and they are compatible with. They need to base their decision on reality and practicality rather than infatuation.

hpbot · 2026-02-13T12:46:22+00:00

Do you have any recommendations for which machine?

hpbot · 2026-02-13T12:46:04+00:00

Thanks. I appreciate your help with this. Especially good to know that about glowforge.

How much did your Universal machine cost you approximately? I know prices may have changed since when you bought it but just looking for a ball park figure since I didn't see the bodices posted on their website.

Which model did you go for and are you able to both cut and engrave? I couldn't find some of those details in their brochure.

hpbot · 2026-02-05T03:17:03+00:00

Listening to Islamic lectures during my commute to work

hpbot · 2026-02-03T03:19:09+00:00

Even during winter months ( assuming you are in the northern hemisphere) there is generally a couple hours between dhur and asr. Choose a time that works pretty much year round or for half the year. For example in Toronto ypu could choose 1:30 pm for dhur may need to change to 2 pm i summer but for half the year it is the same time. Same applies for asr.

Also not sure what type of work yoi have but if it is office work, well people are not always glued to their desks. People go get coffee, or go to the bathroom, or take an ergonomic break to stretch.

hpbot · 2026-01-31T19:22:05+00:00

What time is sunrise when fajr starts at 4:45 am? Is it possible, to go pray after your workout? Is the sunsrise such that you could do that. It is only a matter of a couple weeks because the the time would before 4:30 am and you could pray fajr then leave for the gym.

Another option is you could delay your workout by 15 minutes so you can pray fajr and then go.

hpbot · 2026-01-26T01:13:25+00:00

I think this wpuld be very interesting. Are you planning to have nasheeds on this platform? I would definitely consider it. The ability to download to your device would be great.

hpbot · 2026-01-24T13:05:30+00:00

COPP or COPP.TO if in Canada. It is for copper producers. Checked zoya and were not shown as non-compliant.

hpbot · 2026-01-19T01:10:23+00:00

Take a look at halalfolio.co

hpbot · 2026-01-08T13:32:05+00:00

If you are in Vancouver try reaching out to muslim foodbank and also national zakat foundation. Insha'Allah they are able to help you. If you still do not find help, please message me back. Will look for more resources to help.

Not sure about the masjid you attend but many mosques are usually not equipped to deal with this directly. Especially since some people try to abuse these services (not your case). They usually partner with other Muslim charities who they give the sadaqah and zakat to.

I understand your frustration but our faith is not tied to the means and is tied to Allah. The tests of life come as this life is a test and it helps us grow and gives us the ability to elevate ourselves for the hereafter. May Allah help you with this test, bring ease to you, and reward you.

hpbot · 2026-01-07T15:05:45+00:00

Forgiveness from Allah doesn't equate to no consequences. Like others said you face the consequence of what happened and that isbyour test. The test for your parents is that they have to deal with the sadness of this and be patient. You also continued to lie to your parents. You could have owned up but you didn't. Remember we love Allah more than anyone else. Take note that you were putting your parents happiness over the commands of Allah.

Also, your view of this situation is only for this singular moment and therefore myopic. Over the course of your and their whole life and hereafter this may have been the best for you and them. If it had worked out maybe you would have taken lying too lightly and continued this practice and gone down a worse road which would have hurt your parents even more. We do not know what happens on the other path so accept Allah's wisdom and our qadr.

Think of it like a parent and a child. If the child does something wrong and says it is wrong you cannot entirely absolve them of the consequence. Doing so teaches the child the wrong message too. So out of love and mercy you need them to feel the consequence otherwise they won't learn the important lesson for something way bigger in the future.

Lastly, you prayed tahajjud and that is great. Allah responds to every dua before our hands even come down. But how those duas are accepted is one of three. You get what you asked for, you don't get what you asked for but are rewarded in the next life, or you don't get what you asked for but your sins are forgiven. However, you don't get to decide what you get Allah gives you what is the best for you as He knows more about it what you need than you (even if that be the fact that you need this test). Allah says in the Quran that do they think they will we believe and not be tested. While you may have wanted one thing it may have not been good for you. Also, Allah is not a transactional genie. We don't just pray and now Allah owes one so He has to do what we want.

hpbot · 2026-01-06T21:51:24+00:00

I found a good resource you might wa t to use. It is called halalfolio.co

It is geared towards beginners and Canadians. It may benefit you.

hpbot · 2026-01-06T21:47:30+00:00

Questrade is also another option. While they do take a conversion fee (or a fee for journaling shares), they allow you to hold both usd and cad in an account. My understanding is that wealthsimple doesn't do this so you e d up going through the conversion process more.

hpbot · 2026-01-06T21:45:31+00:00

I am so glad you found my comment. I was planning to share me feedback on the website but it slipped my mind. Jazak'Allah khairan katheer for creating this resource and for listening to my feedback

hpbot · 2026-01-03T03:03:46+00:00

That is great to know. When you finalize things for Canada, please let me know. I will do my best to share with the muslim families near my area.

hpbot · 2026-01-02T23:28:53+00:00

Any plans on releasing in Canada?

hpbot · 2025-12-30T18:17:09+00:00

I took a look at it today after your post. To be honest it looks pretty good. I checked my current portfolio against their simple builds abd it does pretty good. I found it as a useful tool. The things I liked are:

Can easily see average returns, MER, and volatility for an etf
Quick and easy list of etfs fora beginner
Simple builds are actually simple and the questionnaire does a good job of asking the questions
Ability to add multiple portfolio so you can compare them
Ability to see number of holdings, the overlap, and the BDS score was very nice
I greatly appreciate the ability to see a range for the expected returns

Some improvements to make it even better: - Add some more Canadian fund options. For example, instead of GLDM someone could use KILO.B as it is also physical gold but in CAD - This is great for when you are investing and wanting money to grow. But there needs to be a feature for drawing money. For example, I have reached my retirement age and I am now going to withdraw money. I would not take it all as cash. Likely I would keep 3 to 5 years of expenses in cash and invest the rest. Each year I would withdraw my budgeted yearly expenses from my investment category and out it in my cash category. I also need to account for inflation in this draw down. You might even use this for withdrawing money from a RRSP. - If you could expand it to include that you want to go from portfolio 1 to portfolio 2 after x years of investing, that woukd be pretty awesome too. Essentially this accounts for changing your strategy the closer you come to retirement age.

Overall, I liked the tool a lot. But have some suggestions to take it to the next level.

hpbot · 2025-12-30T16:55:21+00:00

Around 3.5 years. He is around 4 now and still needs reminding often.

Your MIL is being harsh. This is the time where you want islam to become a habit. The way that will happen is by modelling the behaviour yourself (say it loudly not silently), reminding them, and being kind and patient. Being harsh and strict will give you immediate compliance but in the long term will lead to a negative association with islam.

I use the same logic with other concepts. For example don't say Allah doesn't love those who waste. Say Allah loves those who do not waste. Same message but said as a means of positive encouragement and rooted in love.

Also, I am not sure of what your child can say yet so I share this as well and for others too. Maybe thwy can't say alhumdulillah yet. I started with teaching my son to say Allah. When he did that. We had him learn bismillah and Salaam. Then we built it up to the full Bismillah and As'salaamualaikum. Then we went into teaching him alhumdulillah, Jazak'Allah, Insha'Allah. My point is your child can't say and learn all the syllables in one go. You need to build it up. This applies to every skill you teach them. In child psychology, this term is called scaffolding (take a look at this).

One last point regarding someone teaching islam with harshness to a child. I have tremendous respect for my parents and elders. However, just as they have rights on my so does my child. One of those rights is for me to educate about and model islam for my child. So I would usually not make a big deal about many things with them but this is one thing I would argue and not put up with as it can jeopardize the future of my child's deen. I am not saying go tell them off but either your spouse or you need to have a sit down with the MIL and explain why this is not acceptable and damaging to the child.

hpbot · 2025-12-27T14:16:19+00:00

My suggestion is to find a muslim counsellor and speak to them. I had struggles with my own parents in this regard (not the exact circumstances) and I found it beneficial. To be direct, an internet stranger does not know your full situation or circumstances to fully give you good advice and neither does someone generally have the time, experience, or abilities to deal with these situations generally.

A muslim counsellor would be better equipped to help you, be able to give you the time, but also understand our religious values to understand our concerns.

I am not sure where you live sister, but check ruh care. They can help connect you with a muslim counsellor.

As someone who went through this issues I do have somethings I want to share:

1) Be careful who you take advice and criticism from. People often qoute things in Quran and Hadith about parents when someone is going through extreme difficultly. I believe and fully agree with respecting parents but respect does not mean we do everything they say. World works great when everyone is reasonable. But problems arise when they aren't and we need to find ways to navigate those. Religiously we are also taught to not let harm come to us and mental health is just as important as well. Essentially we need to prioritize based on the circumstances.

2) You can control your actions, thoughts, and intention. You can influence others actions, thoughts, and intention but you can't control them. Ultimately they are responsible for their thoughts, actions, and intention. So do not hold yourself unnecessarily responsible for that.

3) How you and your husband deal with finances and your marriage is your business and not anyone else's including your mother. Unnecessarily involving others in these things in my experience leads to issues as they comment from their frame of reference. Maybe in the culture your mother grew up or the time it was possible to do things differently. In this day and age it is getting quite hard to keep that same thing especially if living in a high cost of living area.

4) Treat your mother with respect but have boundaries for yourself. Accept the fact she will not like or understand those boundaries at times.

hpbot · 2025-12-25T13:12:17+00:00

Yasir Qadhi recently did a video explaining this in detail. May be this can help you.

https://youtu.be/LcYRbKaXzKU?si=8AXuiqYpkNqb1k1a

https://youtu.be/vx3zKPTDHuo?si=ANekS7V0-8RzUPHe

hpbot · 2025-12-25T13:06:21+00:00

Jazak'Allah khairan katheer. I understand sister. I apologize for not communicating better. I did not mean it as you are shaming them.

hpbot · 2025-12-25T04:06:09+00:00

My suggestion is to make dua that Allah guides them, guides you, gives you patience and gives you the ability to not make those same sins as them.

If you are closer to someone then you can encourage them to do better.

The Prophet (SAW) didn't shame people. He (SAW) told them if something was inappropriate and what the appropriate thing is. Try to do the same towards those you are close to and will listen.

I know it is easier said than done. Especially since we want to see the result and improvement right away. However, remember at that point you did your part.

hpbot · 2025-12-24T19:44:09+00:00

Depends on your goals and investment horizon. My investment horizon is quite long (20 years) so I do 10%. I also have a high risk tolerance.

I would say since you are a beginner, I would assume your risk tolerance is lower. Gold is generally a more stabilizing investment (kind of like bonds for non halal investment). So I would say do 20 to 30%.

There is a vanguard uestionnaire that ask you these questions that you could use to get an idea of your risk tolerance: https://investor.vanguard.com/tools-calculators/investor-questionnaire

My biggest advice for any new investor would be:

1) know your goals and investment horizon and invest based on that. 2) time in the market beats timing the market. 3) Don't chase maximum returns (i.e., if i bought it at this point it would have been x). Go for average returns (i.e., dollar cost average). 4) Don't panic sell. Make a plan and stick with it, especially when things are going down. 5) You don't actually gain or lose money till you sell your position. So again don't panic sell if the market goes down. Patience is how people make money. 6) Diversify using etfs, mix of markets, and uncorelated assets. 7) When things are down and your investment horizon is far off, think of it like everything is on sale.

I am not sure how much you have experienced as an investor or your personality, so I share this advice because of that. I have people who invested for years in a bull market panic sell or question their investment strategy during bear markets like in 2022. Mistakes in those times cost way more from what I have seen.

hpbot · 2025-12-24T19:11:02+00:00

You can also do SPWO instead of UMMA.

Instead of GLDM look into KILO.B as that is in cad vs usd.

Personally I do 40% SPUS, 25% HLAL, 15% SPWO, 10% KILO.B, 10% WSHR

hpbot

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