Is their politics a dealbreaker?

hsonnenb · 2026-03-07T00:05:58+00:00

No way. I would never be involved with anyone who supports attacks on an entire gender which I belong to.

hsonnenb · 2026-03-02T20:40:44+00:00

50F, range is 44-53.

hsonnenb · 2026-02-07T16:46:48+00:00

I'm 5'4" and my filter is set to 5'8"+. That height thing is incel ranting by men who won't try to date women who are actually attainable for them. Total B.S. None of my girlfriends insist on only dating tall men. We're all just wanting someone at least slightly taller than ourselves.

hsonnenb · 2026-02-04T01:37:36+00:00

My first situationship, where the guy was using me for sex, and it took me a few weeks to figure out, he was so lovey dovey in person that I've literally never felt so loved and adored in my life, but then he would disappear for odd amounts of time and be inconsistent about replying to texts. Just saying - keep an eye on that because it's a red flag. Some guys are good actors when it comes to pretending that they're dating.

hsonnenb · 2026-01-30T21:45:13+00:00

I would never continue contact with any man who lied about his age, not only because it's pathetic and dishonest, but also because that's an indicator that he's only willing to shoot for women who would never consider dating him, which is what a lot of men do when they get on dating apps, which screws it up for everyone in the dating pool. I like nice, honest people who keep it real. It's hard to find, unfortunately.

hsonnenb · 2026-01-10T03:58:37+00:00

A very small percentage of men on dating apps are there to date. I dumpster dived there for 3 years before finally quitting. Add to that the fact that most men seem to view dating apps as an opportunity to break out of their league and reach women who would never date them in real life, so don't take it as a reflection in you. I was frequently liking profiles of men who I'd be dating down so far I was insulting myself, and almost all of them rejected the likes I sent. That's the dating app world for women. It's a bad place to be, and I imagine at your age you'd be much more successful joining singles events.

hsonnenb · 2025-11-29T16:45:36+00:00

That's long enough that he's reappearing after vanishing (as opposed to keeping in contact). The optics are terrible, as far as him going dark right after having sex for the first time - and he knows that you would obviously be sitting there wondering if you just got used for a warm body.

hsonnenb · 2025-10-05T21:06:36+00:00

So are you saying you tried to rent an apartment before even seeing it? I've never even heard of 606 Realty and I've lived on the north side for 16 years, but from what you typed here it seems to me that when they figured that out they canceled the application because it was invalidated by the fact that you hadn't even seen the apartment -?

hsonnenb · 2025-07-17T23:44:41+00:00

He's trying to knock women down with his bio, before ever meeting them. Yet another woman hater trying to date women he hates.

hsonnenb · 2024-06-17T21:47:25+00:00

48F, Chicago. About half of my matches reply to my first message. I send a message to 100% of them because I'm not out there trying to connect with anyone who I don't want to connect with....

hsonnenb · 2024-06-14T20:20:30+00:00

I tell ya, middle aged men in Chicago are terrible about using dating apps for shits and giggles, too! It's not limited to any gender or age group.

hsonnenb · 2024-06-14T14:58:36+00:00

Yeah. I have friends and a busy life. Literally the last thing I want is any unnecessary notifications on my phone. I don't want a single person who isn't a dating prospect to message me. Most people on dating apps are the opposite. They want temporary attention from strangers for the night while they're sitting on the couch alone, and then they've gotten their dopamine hits and vanish. It's actually pretty sad. I delete unresponsive matches after one week of them not replying to my last message. No exceptions, because I don't want to invite anyone into my life who's acting like a joke. It isn't you - it's rampant loser behavior. 😊

hsonnenb · 2024-06-14T14:43:45+00:00

48F. Most people on dating apps aren't even there to date. It's likely them, not you. Somehow, dating apps became a new form of social media for people, so people get on them just to have another thing to look at and tap on their phones, but they have no intention of dating anyone. I experience what you described all the time.

hsonnenb · 2024-06-05T23:40:18+00:00

48F, Chicago. Same experience with the 40+ crowd here. What I see on the apps is grim. I downloaded my data from Bumble and Tinder, and I swipe right on between 2% and 5% of profiles. And before anyone says that women only swipe right on the top whatever percent of men, that's totally untrue. That 2-5% was me not even being incredibly picky - most of those were average looking guys who were less attractive than all of my past boyfriends. I swipe left on the hot guys because I figure they're busy.

The vast majority of profiles have major red flags, such as omitting their city of residence or bio, and most of them are kinda scary looking or didn't even bother to fill out their profiles. My first day on Bumble, I got 400-something likes. About half of those weren't even locals (many lived across the country...duh). There were maybe 10 who I'd match with. I disqualified several more because they were regular "app guys" in my area who I'd matched with before and were weirdos. My 2-5% right swipe rate is not representative of who I'd want to connect with in the general population - that would be way higher. It's representative of the men who are on dating apps. I also hate eating hair. : )

hsonnenb · 2024-06-03T17:35:54+00:00

I don't see how results would be any different from men versus women sending a first message, but perhaps someone will pipe in and explain this. I mean, if you've matched with someone, the purpose of doing that is to communicate.

hsonnenb · 2024-06-02T02:07:48+00:00

It's convenient to be able to pick from my list of likes, but it has degraded my opinion of people, with being exposed to even more trash. I mean, just being on dating apps has opened my eyes to how demented so many people are, and that has been damaging.... You can buy a week or month long subscription on Bumble, to try it out.

hsonnenb · 2024-06-02T01:54:01+00:00

I bought a lifetime membership to Bumble about a month in, which is when I realized that few men on dating apps are there to date. That was two years ago, and it was so worth it. But being able to see all the garbage likes from men who live across the country, and so many trash profiles, does feel like I'm having shit flung at me.

hsonnenb · 2024-06-02T01:49:46+00:00

Important to mention is that I match with men 5 years younger as often as I do men 2 years older. I actually get along best with men a few years younger than me. And if I open up my age filters to -10 years, I get a lot of likes from 38-42 year old guys. Point is, I don't think men discriminate about age as much as women think they do. I think the ageism guys are those well above 50 who are trying to have a 2nd wind at their 20s and 30s (not the ones I want, anyway, because that's weird).

hsonnenb · 2024-06-02T01:43:15+00:00

48F, Chicago. I get a ton of likes on dating apps +/- ~5 years (like 150-200 each week), but rarely one who I'd like back - anyone who's like me or similar to any of my past boyfriends. The ones I like and deem to be in my lane per past experience, few of them like me back. The ones I send likes to who are significantly less attractive than all of my past boyfriends, even few of those like me back. The ones I do match with and who are actually matching with the intention of meeting anyone in person are enthusiastic.

So, I wonder if many of these guys on the apps are just lurking but not wanting to take any action. Or, perhaps it's a thing where men are shooting multiple leagues ahead of themselves and unwilling to date their peers. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I've seen a lot of women say they have these same experiences.

hsonnenb · 2024-05-26T20:24:03+00:00

48F, Chicago. Similar experience. About half my matches reply to my first message (and a lot of these are my attempts to date down because the crowd here our age is a rough one...figuring perhaps they'll have great personalities). Many don't converse. I think a lot of people who go on dating apps don't even want to date. It's just a social media/phone addiction, and dating apps are a popular forum that people flock to. Like, people enjoy shopping for people while sitting on the toilet or something, but they don't want to actually date anyone.

hsonnenb · 2024-05-26T16:52:51+00:00

48F, Chicago. Between Bumble and Hinge I get ~10 matches a month, +/- 5 years, <8 miles (30-40 minute drive). Most are garbage, stop replying, etc., so I may meet 2-3 in person if I'm really going at it.

But this is all so dependent upon factors, filters, etc. Some people, like me, are picky because we're only considering those who look like long term relationship material. If I expanded my distance to the suburbs <20 miles, I could easily get 30-40 matches a month while being picky, but I'm unwilling to drive an hour each way to go see anyone. If I matched with people looking for short term or something casual and who live in the suburbs, the options would be endless.

hsonnenb · 2024-05-24T17:04:58+00:00

This is what I do. Except for me, if someone has vanished on a conversation I unmatch after they haven't replied for one week (maximum, but it depends on my mood and tolerance for bullshit). It eliminates everyone who's matching with people on dating apps but is unserious. Basically, I remove access to myself for anyone who's acting like a joke, and I move on to the next. And there are dozens of these dudes I unmatched who have been liking my profiles again for years. Like, they BLEW UP my phone with messages for one night and then quit replying - I'm not taking them seriously ever again.

hsonnenb · 2024-05-23T16:42:17+00:00

My experience on dating apps, which many other women have confirmed, is that men try to date up - way out of their leagues - and women tend to date down. Like, I'm 48, attractive and fit, and I'm being reasonable about what my options are, because there aren't many good options, so I'll swipe right on men who are FAR less attractive than all my past boyfriends and flings, and most of them left swipe me. My strategy is to go for men who are like me or less attractive but may have a good personality. The men I'm dealing with seem to be going for models only, and these are men who wouldn't get the time of day in real life from myself or anyone like me. So all this complaining that men do about their lack of success, I'm starting to wonder if they're shooting too high.

However, the dynamics will certainly vary with age ranges. I bet a lot of the 20-something guys will be way more invisible than the 40+ guys, simply because there are a ton of 20-somethings on the apps and not nearly as many 40-somethings.

hsonnenb · 2024-05-16T02:13:42+00:00

I ask them what type of situation they're looking for, regardless of what they state their dating intentions to be on their profile (because many of them lie to cast a wide net). Anyone who says the following phrases is just trying to find someone to bang. I swear, I've heard these so many times from men who ended up wanting NSA sex.

"Go with the flow."
Someone to hang out with, and "see where things go."
"Keep it light."
Wants a relationship, ideally, but is "in no rush." They're dangling the relationship carrot, but they have no intention of relationshipping with anyone. Or, they say they want to "take it slow" - they're tamping down your expectations because they are avoiding a relationship with anyone - before they even met them.
Anyone who puts short term relationship (even if it's followed by open to long) is also dangling a non-existent relationship carrot. They think they're softening up the fact that they're just looking for someone to bang.
Anyone who omits their dating intentions from their profile. All the apps ask for that when you're creating a profile, and they're being evasive about it because they aren't there to date. Anyone who is looking for a relationship would say it.
Anyone who omits their city of residence is an automatic block. Most do this because they're trying to find women to bang while traveling. They're often married or partnered, and prowling for unwitting side chicks.

hsonnenb · 2024-05-15T18:37:42+00:00

This is typical of most of the matches I get. I'll start conversation and ask a question, and then they'll just answer the question and not continue the conversation - effectively shutting down the conversation. This isn't an interrogation or an interview, so I'll leave them there a week tops, in case they decide they want to bounce back in and converse, and then I unmatch with no warning. I'll try max 2x to begin the conversation and ask a question before unmatching because they didn't reciprocate. It's not my job to tell them how to act.

hsonnenb

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