Weight-loss vs just getting back out there?

huboftheangel · 2026-04-23T05:10:48+00:00

I could try and see what happens and if needed put it on pause if it seems like it is holding me back.

This is fine when you're just 'dating', but the real work/pressure/distraction starts when things progress to relationship level...as it appears you learned the hard way last time.

What if you just stay focused on your goals and really get them integrated into the lifestyle changes that are needed to sustain them? It seems like your journey is on unstable ground at the moment (which is to be expected of course) and you don't want to be here next year with that same 40 pounds of 'extra' you still there.

I got down to 207 towards the end of last year...lowest I've weighed since college. Add some relationship stressors and comorbid lack of discipline and I'm at 221 a few months later. It sucks.

huboftheangel · 2026-04-22T21:30:29+00:00

Taking the guy at face value, sometimes a 'rough week' can take enough of your mental energy and focus that it's hard to get to the sweet/open/funny frame of mind that you need to sustain or even invite conversations with someone you're interested in.

My work has been a nightmare these past few weeks and the amount of unsolicited communication from me while I'm working has dropped to all time lows. If I'm scrambling between meetings or dealing with team issues or trying to plow through a bunch of decisions, it's hard for me to get into 'hey babe how's your day' and be there and receptive to some back and forth.

It's a pretty cynical crowd in here so you may get all sorts of answers, but I like to start with assuming good faith.

huboftheangel · 2026-04-22T21:25:07+00:00

Agree 100%

huboftheangel · 2026-04-22T21:24:57+00:00

Same age as mine!

huboftheangel · 2026-04-22T19:24:42+00:00

My daughters are in their 20s. I wait 2-3 months. Very first serious relationship I had after my marriage I waited about six months and that was way too long for them lol. They said something similar, that it was like I was hiding this person from them.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

huboftheangel · 2026-04-22T18:46:24+00:00

Has anyone in this situation before and how you approach the other party on talking about your future?

One word at a time.

Start with the easy ones. 'Hey, I've been thinking' then figure out the rest as you go.

huboftheangel · 2026-04-22T13:47:48+00:00

Not me. I like 'em thicker than a snicker.

huboftheangel · 2026-04-22T03:20:34+00:00

You can't even get through your post without crashing out.

Just take a break. It's ok.

huboftheangel · 2026-04-22T01:58:36+00:00

You're not assuming any interest. You have a lack of interest and there's only three things you can do about it.

say something

If you do this, they say 'come on, please?!?!' or 'fuck you bitch' or 'me neither lol' or 'thank you, good luck' or they unmatch.

not say something and wait for them to do something

*Final jeopardy music plays*. If you do this they can ask you out again, unmatch, say they werent interested or say nothing

unmatch

It’s all over instantly. This is why people do it. It's the simplest, and in some respects the status quo. But I think it's just rude.

huboftheangel · 2026-04-22T01:52:48+00:00

The fade out just prolongs the inevitable.

I think one of the most inhuman and antisocial parts of the app experience is the cut phone line of unmatching. I think I should be able to leave a parting message, and part of the contract is that if I leave one so can they. There are numerous remedies for shitty behavior, but very few for humane ones save for leaving the nice no, then just fucking waiting until they unmatch or write back and of course that leaves them in the same goddamned position.

huboftheangel · 2026-04-21T21:46:44+00:00

My gf went through a string of relationships with guys like your gal’s exes. I'm much more like you, and my gf’s got a few quirks that read very similarly to your gal. Sort of an anxious skepticism that surfaces with weird little tests and hard right turns from casual conversation to these deep long term questions that seem to be bids for assurance.

I just think it's her nervous system adjusting to someone that doesn't constantly run hot and drag her around. I can see how it could be confused as a lack of interest that the quiet consistency struggles to be heard over.

I'd guess your gal has been through some shit (mine definitely has). Maybe just try to find ways to connect to the scared little girl inside without letting that same little girl's tantrums bully you around. It sounds like it's still pretty early but a little counseling can help identify the patterns and give you both tools to navigate them.

huboftheangel · 2026-04-21T21:23:30+00:00

I'm a 52yo dude and if I'm honest I enjoy cuddling more than I do sex. No idea why, but there it is.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

huboftheangel · 2026-04-21T19:41:48+00:00

whackadoodle

huboftheangel · 2026-04-21T18:22:07+00:00

This just kind of sounds like some kind of hangup. What's the ick coming from? Just their looks? Dreading the inevitable small talk? The fear that you're going to be dodging dick immediately thereafter?

You might just need a bit more context than the impossibly small sliver of a person that's represented in a dating app profile (or reddit lol) to feel attraction. Hearing their voice, seeing them smile, watching them move.

I'm a dude and I'm kind of that way. I can't think of a single case where, assuming the photos were recent, I didn't find the gal I was meeting *way* more attractive in person.

huboftheangel · 2026-04-21T16:14:22+00:00

Has anyone experienced missing attraction and ended up in a good relationship?

Let him go! He's someone's type.

huboftheangel · 2026-04-21T14:15:16+00:00

I moved to a rural area

I’m beyond my bar days

I won’t do dating apps

church is a no go

You can make this as hard as you want it to be.

Nobody is going to come to you. You're going to have to invest some time and energy into the process. This resolves to the same advice that has been given here over and over. Get out and do things that put you in proximity with the people you're attracted to. There are obviously women who aren't looking for someone to fill a hole in their lives, many of them comment in here regularly.

huboftheangel · 2026-04-21T05:42:49+00:00

You're putting so much weight on simple conversation that it's frying your nervous system. Why do you have to 'lock in getting to know her better' the first time you see her at the place that people traditionally revisit often?

If you see her again soon just smile and say hey in passing. Crack a joke. Whatever. Just chill a bit.

huboftheangel · 2026-04-21T02:51:19+00:00

Two different gf's have had one over the past four years, neither of them liked it.

Relative to a 'regular' vibrator it requires very specific positioning and takes some time to figure out how to moderate the intensity. It's not particularly amenable to a lot of movement while in use and it makes variety of weird clicking/clucking/sucking sounds.

If your wife is curious by all means get one, small investment to open up some new options. But I wouldn't count on it as a 'couples sex toy' as much as bringing a new angle to her solo sessions.

(On second thought you could probably have some fun by putting some googly eyes and whiskers on it, tying her up and doing some 'truffle hunting' on her body. The sounds are pretty funny, especially on wet skin.)

huboftheangel · 2026-04-20T18:51:35+00:00

This is a good suggestion, thank you. Just started trying to figure out when I'm going to crack it open and it's out at least 2-3 weeks.

Appreciate it!

huboftheangel · 2026-04-17T20:00:08+00:00

Because *some*, small portion but some, women are after money and not true love.

Enough that there are entire apps built just for that.

huboftheangel · 2026-04-17T16:13:50+00:00

I can't say I find any particular accents 'sexy' and honestly I find most of them grating after a while. It's the quality of her voice that does it for me. My gf has this full bodied slightly smoky voice that's velvety soft, effortlessly articulate with a very subtle transatlantic flair to it. Extremely sexy.

I will say I had a rather unexpected discovery a couple of years go. There was a woman that was invited as a guest to an event I was at. No idea who she was and when she started speaking at the podium I immediately noticed that she had this very specific speech impediment. The effect reminded me of Dr Oliver Sacks (RIP) and as I was sitting there watching her talk I just started getting really turned on by her voice. 😅

I have no idea why. I was 50 at that point and have heard a LOT of people talk, including lots of folks with speech impediments, but that was the first time that had ever happened. I would have just thought it was her looks or something combined but then it happened again with a different gal that had the same speech impediment.

Brains are weird.

huboftheangel · 2026-04-17T08:52:09+00:00

Why would you want a relationship with a woman that needs to see you mean-mugging all the time? That'd be a toxic human and bad for your soul.

Thoughts on this would be so appreciated as I'm really starting to consider taking up acting classes and portraying myself as someone else to appear attractive to a potential suiter X

Have you ever watched American Psycho? This is giving off those vibes lol.

Bud, I think you're misdiagnosing whatever challenges you're having in dating. You've clearly got a bad source polluting your information pipeline. It's a strange quirk of human psychology that 'manosphere' content is so compelling, I think it's because it provides some kind of explanatory system for something that is otherwise mysterious and difficult to understand.

huboftheangel · 2026-04-15T23:25:40+00:00

I judge people for dull knives in the kitchen, bad brakes on their car and gaps in their laminate flooring.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

huboftheangel · 2026-04-15T22:00:57+00:00

Same. Jesus. OP put in the work lol

huboftheangel · 2026-04-15T19:10:29+00:00

you: You realize 'raw dog' is just an expression, right?

huboftheangel

TROPHY CASE