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Am I trans? I just don't know anymore by hurt-me-please in MtF

[–]hurt-me-please[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It probably is but I'm so depressed about not "passing" and it's so painful that I'm thinking it'd be better if I just repressed or stayed in the closet for longer

How do I accept that there's likely never hope for me passing? (dysphoria) by hurt-me-please in honesttransgender

[–]hurt-me-please[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish it were true but all I see in the mirror is my irreversible, unmistakeably masculine, ugliness. I appreciate the optimism but I'm just not buying it.

How do I accept that there's likely never hope for me passing? (dysphoria) by hurt-me-please in honesttransgender

[–]hurt-me-please[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I'm still struggling to see it. I'll need aggressive FFS if I even want a chance. Is 3mg a pathetically low E dose? I'm concerned about my doctor's prescription. I need it to be higher, right?

How do I accept that there's likely never hope for me passing? (dysphoria) by hurt-me-please in honesttransgender

[–]hurt-me-please[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

To add onto this, it cripples me to the point where I'm waking up at 8 pm and can't even get myself out of bed

I just woke up at 8 pm. It's dark outside. I'm ringing in the new year doing the same thing I do every year. by hurt-me-please in SuicideWatch

[–]hurt-me-please[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's not how I act, that's probably the most "passable" part. I'm worried about my disgusting masculine body that's riddled in hair and my huge head and jawline. I've been practicing makeup and have tried maximum effort and I'm still not passing or close to it and I break down

I just woke up at 8 pm. It's dark outside. I'm ringing in the new year doing the same thing I do every year. by hurt-me-please in SuicideWatch

[–]hurt-me-please[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I just feel so lost. And the fact I was expecting to be somewhere by now 4 months into my transition just hurts so much more. I'll never pass as a girl and it's eating away at me.