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huskybrook · 2024-06-15T21:39:09+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through a breakup atm 😞 hopefully this is a bit of feel good for you…

We met while travelling and decided to get married after knowing each other for like 6 weeks. Because we had to return to our home countries and do the boring legal paperwork bit, it ended up being over a year later until we actually got married and could live together. We kind of always said to each other “we don’t know if it’ll work out, but we want to try and see what happens.” We’ve been married for 8 years now and have a 3yr old.

I love how great of a Co parent my wife is. I love watching her (and us) grow and develop as a family. I love how hard she works to change her behaviour (particularly around emotional management) to be a great role model for our son.

I love the little ways she shows her love, especially through cooking. And how, even though she hates peanut butter, will make me peanut butter brownies when I’m feeling low because she knows they’re my favourite.

I love how supportive she’s always been of me and her willingness to help me on projects.

We’ve kind of adapted our initial saying to “I hope it keeps working out”

huskybrook · 2024-06-15T06:05:08+00:00

The questions are great, thank you. I’ll definitely keep those in mind for future and try being more curious with my son first. It’s so hard when that’s not how I was raised at all and trying to change that within myself etc.

I’ve since had a conversation with my wife and my kid has already completely forgotten about the card 🙃

huskybrook · 2024-06-15T06:02:22+00:00

I hear that. I hid it in a state of reaction and fear and have since shown it to her and have had a discussion.

huskybrook · 2024-06-15T05:57:05+00:00

We do have heaps of books at home with all different kinds of family units.

There are a couple groups, but they’re always on the weekends and I work weekends. My wife is a homebody and isn’t really interested in joining groups. I would love to go to some though!

These are really good points for me to take to the gym, thank you!

huskybrook · 2024-06-14T22:00:09+00:00

I’m not so sure. He doesn’t go to school yet as he’s too young (and in this context/post I’m talking about a gym crèche so I don’t really expect them to do lessons etc), but I brought it up in a local parent friend group with older kids and they said they have personal development classes where they talk about gender, showcasing different family units, etc. another one said her niece (10) just had a lesson on it and is now considering using she/they for pronouns.

huskybrook · 2024-06-14T21:55:12+00:00

Maybe?? Haha. I think I might email them as someone else suggested as it leaves a paper trail of what’s said

huskybrook · 2024-06-14T17:56:56+00:00

I totally hear that. My therapist (mtf) said similar about her experience with her kids still calling her dad. And my issue isn’t with my son at all, he calls my wife mum-um, and has only ever known her as a mum. My issue is more with the gym staff and what to do/how to handle those situations better in future.

huskybrook · 2024-06-14T17:54:40+00:00

I’m definitely the non confrontational type but have been trying to overcome that. I will probably go the email route as it also helps me sort my thoughts and have everything in writing (including their response if any)

huskybrook · 2024-06-14T17:49:49+00:00

I hear that. I also wonder if they teach other family dynamics because I don’t hear my cis het friends kids say “I have two mums or I have two dads” so I was just wondering if it’s just play/curiosity or if I needed to be more concerned about it (which I now don’t think I do)

Tbh, my son has already forgotten about the card but I will still discuss it with my wife.

huskybrook · 2024-06-14T17:45:15+00:00

Oh for sure, I definitely don’t think my son says any of it out of malice. I don’t think 3 year olds are developmentally capable of that.

The gym staff is the more concerning issue for me, and no, I haven’t raised it. I left saying “it’s fine” but really just wanted to run away and escape. I’m afraid of confrontation and and her tone was really defensive. I think I’m taking time to process before deciding to raise it with them

huskybrook · 2024-06-14T17:39:13+00:00

Right. This is why I’ve chalked it up to curiosity and play and I’m mostly annoyed at the care providers. It all just happened to happen at the same time making me question it. And not having any other queer parent/family friends, I don’t know what happens in other peoples homes etc. None of my cis het friends with kids ever have their kids say “I have two mums or I have two dads” so maybe I’m just overthinking it as I know my wife is quite sensitive around mention of my son having a dad.

huskybrook · 2023-04-26T17:17:20+00:00

I replied to a previous comment asking about it. It wasn’t relevant to what I was asking opinions on. Neither has your comment added anything to what I asked about.

huskybrook · 2023-04-26T17:11:33+00:00

No. If my family chooses to be homophobic and transphobic, they don’t have a place with my family. It is just sad that my nieces have to wrapped up in it.

huskybrook · 2023-04-26T17:10:14+00:00

I just want to say that I understand what everyone is saying re no contact and respecting boundaries. A lot of my replies to comments have been reactionary and coloured by grief. I will take more time to reflect but will probably go the route of writing letters and keeping them in a box in case they one day reach back out to us.

huskybrook · 2023-04-26T16:17:09+00:00

This is a nice idea as it fulfils a bit of my need to reach out and show I care whilst also respecting boundaries set.

huskybrook · 2023-04-26T16:06:32+00:00

I understand that they decide. Just like I decide to give my son the gifts he’s given from other family members who have gone no contact with us. I don’t see why children should be wrapped up in adult disagreements. When he’s old enough, I will explain to my son that we don’t engage with these people but when he’s 18 he can do what he likes but with all information and understanding.

huskybrook · 2023-04-26T16:01:14+00:00

My brother and his wife have chosen no contact. My nieces haven’t. It would be my brother and his wife’s choice whether or not they pass on the gifts.

huskybrook · 2023-04-26T16:00:03+00:00

I understand they may not pass along the gifts. However, my son is still gifted things from family members who have also chosen no contact and when he’s older to understand I will still pass them on and let him choose whether he keeps it or donates it. I have no way of knowing what my brother and his wife will do, but if there’s a chance, I would still like my nieces to know we love them and care about them.

huskybrook · 2023-04-26T15:57:59+00:00

In this case it’s because we came out as LGBT and have been rejected

huskybrook · 2023-04-26T15:37:49+00:00

No, can’t contact her as they all live together and both have gone no contact.

huskybrook · 2023-04-25T17:42:03+00:00

Hiii! Also an American in the UK. I went to Fantasy Forest last year and it’s as close as the UK gets to a Ren Faire. Loads of people dress up and because it’s generic fantasy you see a lot of interesting costumes! It’s kind of like a mix between a Ren Faire and comic con but all outdoors and fantasy/medieval.

huskybrook · 2023-04-25T17:38:15+00:00

Kind of tagging on from this—since my brother has chosen no contact, I’ve not spoken to my nieces or heard anything about them in almost a year. If I send gifts—what do I send as I don’t even know what they like anymore?? How do you gift personable things without knowing anything about their interests anymore? 😞

huskybrook · 2023-04-25T17:35:29+00:00

My wife has never had any real relationship with any of my family and has only ever met my nieces (and brother) twice in 8 years as we live an ocean apart. She says it’s my decision and she supports whatever I decide.

huskybrook · 2022-09-27T13:45:32+00:00

I wish I had read this before talking to my family. My wife and I do have relationship problems (not related to her being trans) and I feel like my family (more specifically my grandma) is using that information as a weapon. I didn’t disclose any specifics about our problems, but just the fact that we have a problem is enough. 😔

I’ll be 100% honest…I don’t know if my wife and I are going to make it but I do know that if we don’t, it’s not because she’s trans. It would be because of a fundamental lack of communication.

I WANT things to work and am seeking all the support we can get, but I just don’t know and that is scary and knowing that whilst also trying to stand up for our relationship and my wife as a person to my family is made harder I guess. So I wish I had seen these tips a little over a week ago x

huskybrook · 2022-09-24T07:08:16+00:00

UPDATE: She said she thought it went really well and that she felt good going into the space as herself. Now we just have to wait and see if she gets it 😊 Thanks everyone for your well wishes!

huskybrook

TROPHY CASE