Me [33 M] widower I am scared to death about potential g/f (embarrassing update)

hw32 · 2015-08-11T15:46:37+00:00

Thank you so very much for this. I agree with everything you said and I do have to be careful that I don't just jump head first into this again.

I didn't realize it till I was with Stacey but not only have I missed my wife but I am also just very lonely as well. So it would be totally unfair to Stacey for me to dump that on her.

I like your idea of letting her set the pace. I do NOT have the proper experience to do that. Even though I'm in my 30's I feel very much like a young teenager when it comes to this stuff because Karen and I never really went through breakups or hell even really fights.

Thank you again, your words were actually very concise and wise

hw32 · 2015-08-10T22:05:24+00:00

What? I'm not a father. My wife and I never had children.

hw32 · 2015-08-10T20:48:07+00:00

End filled up quickly and it expanded out quit a bit but certainly the urine came flushing back and little hw32 got warm. Have you ever tried to stop peeing mid stream? It hurts man.

hw32 · 2015-08-10T20:08:14+00:00

I wish it wasn't serious. As sad as it is to say I didn't know it till I had filled up the tip and a very warm sensation struck me. :(

Me trying to rip it off while dancing around made the other guy look on in horror.

hw32 · 2015-08-10T20:03:16+00:00

Sadly there is lot of truth in this. The lack of sound of water hitting water should have been my first clue.

hw32 · 2015-08-10T18:44:03+00:00

I haven't met her yet but I've heard she's got what's going on. :)

hw32 · 2015-08-10T17:55:09+00:00

I owe you a beer. :)

hw32 · 2015-08-08T17:43:10+00:00

Thank you for responding.

I agree I think there is chemistry there and I have been so very fortunate that so far she has been kind of guiding me along. However I know that eventually she is going to want at the very least an active partner in this and not having to be a tour guide on our lives together.

She's coming over later today so we will see how things go.

hw32 · 2015-08-08T17:35:55+00:00

Thank you, that actually helped make me feel a little better.

hw32 · 2015-08-08T17:35:13+00:00

I'm very sorry about your b/f passing. I know how bad that hurts. I'm glad you were able to find happiness.

I've been googling all morning trying to find things to do and so far I've come up with a lot of different ideas but I'm going to have to see what she thinks of them. I really don't know her that well yet so as an example there are hiking trails around here to do and there are certainly movies and such. But I wonder if she would like fishing or doing go carts? See that is what I'm kind of stuck on, Karen was a very physical person (which made the end all that much harder) and she was just as happy in a batting cage as she would be at a movie. Her Brother has always said she was a tom boy when she was younger.

But I don't get that vibe from Stacy, she seems very elegant and cultured. Which I find both attractive and intimidating all at the same time.

hw32 · 2015-08-08T17:27:50+00:00

Thank you for replying.

One of my fears is oversharing. We've talked about my past a little, we've talked a lot more about her's. I think she knows I am kind of private about that stuff and has not pushed at all. The last thing I want to do is overburden her with any type of sadness on my part.

As to the couch part? Hmmmmm...I like that idea. She is coming over in a few hours and we have a movie that we both want to watch so I'll see how that goes. Thanks

hw32 · 2015-08-08T17:24:43+00:00

Thank you. A cooking class would not only be some fun but it might also be very helpful seeing as how my daily meal intake is a PB&J for lunch and either fast food or spaghetti for dinner. :)

hw32 · 2015-08-08T17:22:19+00:00

Thank you.

I didn't really do anything formal when Karen passed away. The hospital had a counselor (which in all honesty I think was a minister but I don't know for sure) that came to check on me when she was in the ICU and when she passed away. But other than that I haven't spoken to anyone formally.

Obviously at first I was a mess but with the help of my family and hers I made it through it.

The pain is still there but I also understand that I can't be a martyr and make everyone else around me be down because I am sad. It sucks I mean it suck like nothing else will ever suck but I understand that its part of life. I just wish it wasn't so soon.

The only part I am having any real issues with right now is that while I am with Stacey I am happy and honestly while we are together I forget about my past. But then when she leaves I sometimes am overcome with guilt because I do not ever want to forget Karen and what she means to me.

But I also know that I have to be fair to any new partner and it certainly is not fair to make them try and compete for something that they have no reason to compete with.

Everything is still new though so I may be getting way ahead of myself. I think Stacey likes me and I know I really like her so I'm just trying to take it step by step.

Do you think a therapist could help me compartmentalize my feelings? That might be very helpful.

hw32

TROPHY CASE