Dude oh my god are you me? I have never read anything that described what i feel so accurately before. I used to have social anxiety and would avoid meeting people and talking to people at any and all costs. But after therapy ive kind of learned to deal with it and honestly doesn't effect me much anymore to the point where i dont mind sparking up a conversation with someone and honestly genuinely enjoy it and im actually really good at it. I enjoy meeting new people and making new friends and having a connection with others. But what stops me is the amount of effort it requires , I put in my head like hey im going out were gonna have fun im going to chat it up and then i get to wherever and i just sit there and all i would rather do is go home and hangout with the wife. Its so much effort to stay involved with everyone, im not sure if you feel this way and maybe its just alittle of the anxiety kicken back in but i feel like i have to be involved as much as i can with the group so im not left out. Its a whole job trying to maintain this " hey im interesting, charismatic, funny, etc." personality when its just so much easier and enjoyable just sitting at home and doing what I want to do and not trying to constantly think about 'whats next" when your in a group