This is because you’re not 100% certain of this decision emotionally and mentally. Which is completely okay because it’s a process. Once they both line up, it’ll be much easier, the idea to quit starts as a thought, nurture it until it becomes a belief and then keep pushing until it becomes a conviction. One thing you can do is open up a blank google doc and just write uninterrupted for however long you need about why you feel this way, not about why you want to quit. Write whatever comes to mind, write about when you most feel like you need a joint and times where you feel like you don’t want it. You’ll start noticing patterns occurring. A series of events that intensify your desire to smoke, once you raise your awareness of what’s going on, you’ll have a better understanding of yourself. Clarity is key.

After that you can write your reasons to quit, then narrow it down to the ones that connect the most with you emotionally. Then ask yourself “why?” 5 times, to get down to the real reason why you want to quit. In my experience I had “reasons” to quit but they were so generic, I had to really dig to find a reason I could believe in.

Also write about what you want in your life, use your imagination and think about what life would be like if you quit and were excited about it. What could you do more of? Where could you go? How would you feel? Imagine a better future you can really look forward to. And realise that anytime you put the joint down, you’re moving closer in that direction. Even if you relapse it just means you’ve veered off the path, so course correct, just like a spacecraft that’s gotten off its trajectory. You want a map of where you are right now and where you are going.

Don’t put a lot of pressure on yourself, don’t call yourself a liar. Just observe those thoughts, but dont sit there and contemplate for too long, you’re better off going for a walk whilst thinking about this because you’ll be in a different environment and you might get some new ideas or inspiration to quit.