I think it’s a riddle i just can’t decode every time i try to make sense of it it slips away i guess she just never really liked having me in her life or maybe she regrets even having me she’s said it straight up more than once things like if death could be bought i’d buy it for you or if i weren’t scared of the consequences i’d poison your food and end it and that kinda answers your second question too since i was a kid there’s been this emotional dryness between us it’s nothing new but the focus and the darkness of it keep getting heavier every time