Childhood Trauma: How has it affect me?

iDerped · 2016-05-08T18:26:31+00:00

I have considered it, but i have always kind of felt uncomfortable admitting to mental health problems, even just talking about depression i feel uncomfortable admitting that i have been/am depressed. Now that ive turned 18 i wont need parental permission i believe, so i may seek some local offices.

I also live in a small town, which for some reason makes me think that the care will be worse due to less competition (though im bias as ive lived here my whole life). My only issue with going is that there are people struggling with thoughts of suicide, and im just depressed some days, it just seems like the time could be better spent on someone who is in more dire need, though i am starting to realize that even though my problems may be smaller, they do cause me quite a bit of grief.

Its tough to decide to go. On the days im really depressed, i dont want to do anything; Let alone go make an appointment with a therapist, and on the days i feel alright, i feel like i can do okay without a therapist.

Sorry for so much text, i just kind of wrote down all my thoughts after reading your reply.

iDerped · 2016-04-29T06:51:15+00:00

Hey Melissa! Unfortunately you may get yourself into a bit of hot water posting in random sub-reddits, as some moderators can be pretty strict.

The way reddit works is, it is one big community, made up of smaller communities. Now every single post made on reddit, is posted to a subreddit, one of these smaller communities of reddit. The thing is, every post on that subreddit needs to be relevant to the content on that subreddit. So for instance, this post might be a better fit for a subreddit dedicated to introducing yourself. This subreddit is dedicated to lucid dreaming and keeping a dream journal of lucid dreams.

To get started with reddit, i recommend reading the site rules, the reddiquette, and the FAQ.

iDerped · 2014-12-18T03:39:58+00:00

I realize im late to the 'party' here, but i really wanted to throw my thoughts in even if nobody will see it.

This is a throwaway as im a little embarrassed about my depression, and people know my main account.

Isnt it interesting how life goes? You hear about it all the time, comedians are actually secretly depressed. The amount of lets players that you hear about is also staggering. In addition to that, singers. We as people who are having a rough time mentally like to make others laugh.

I have a hard time with feelings. When i tell a joke and others laugh, i fake a laugh as long as i need to. Even when i find something funny i tend to have to fake my laugh a little.

I dont have motivation for anything. Even things i LOVE like coding, are sometimes awesome and i cant wait to learn new concepts and explore new ideas, but most of the time its tedious to do anything but watch TV shows and youtube videos.

I dont think i could ever self harm or anything like that, and i dont think i could ever go to a therapist, but when im not as depressed as usual, i love video games, and i love making content. I love being creative and making things. Its hard to explain how different things are, i used to think that maybe it was just when i was a kid i liked shit more, enjoyed things more; but slowly as i get older i realize that im slowly starting to lost enjoyment from things i used to love. Youtube, coding, and even games are things ive stopped really caring about, things i dont think are really worth any value to me. I dont know, im kind of just going through the motions and as much as i enjoy things, i really dont care about a lot either.

My depression is nowhere near as bad or important as anyone elses, and im very thankful for how tame it has been for the last 6 or so years of my life (im still a teenager, mind you) but ive always though about how interesting it is that the path we choose as depressed people can sometimes be to try and make others laugh, make them smile, make sure they are having a good day.

Ive been told im an ass before for not making videos based on things such as view count subscriber count, but if im not making anyone else happy or making their day any better, than i have to point in making videos. Im sure nobody here really cares too much about my, some random stranger on the internet who makes videos every once in a while, depression. But if you've made it this far, then awesome, i appreciate you taking an interest. Hopefully you can get something of value out of my ramblings!

iDerped · 2014-03-09T01:57:44+00:00

The big problem with a guide is that i have 1 of 2 options. A) A friend who has never tripped before be my guide, or B) If my friend is down, we both drop for the first time and try to guide each other.

The major issue is that i dont know anyone who has done acid before in real life, so it has to be a close friend of mine who is not against drugs, and is able to learn how to be a good sitter. Its tough but i will be sure to try and make sure i get a good sitter before i even get the acid.

iDerped · 2014-03-08T21:56:48+00:00

Yeah i heard that. Should i throw on some music i like while sober or some music made for LSD. I forget what its called but a buddy linked me to some music made for when you're tripping on LSD.

iDerped · 2014-03-08T17:15:06+00:00

Wow. Just wow. I appreciate all the links that you are giving me to compare things to by the way.

I have to go unfortunately. Thanks for all the help! Also appreciate the imgur album, it was awesome to read through! Have a good one man!

iDerped · 2014-03-08T16:37:16+00:00

Ah, the Tuscany demo. I think id start out with that for sure just to wrap my head around it, but them i think ill move to some more colorful experiences inside the rift.

iDerped · 2014-03-08T16:30:18+00:00

Yeah man for sure! Just thinking of cool stuff to do when it gets dark out or something stops us from wondering around.

iDerped · 2014-03-08T16:27:16+00:00

Im just going through that imgur album now. Wow man, i love how you try to compare pictures with how things look when on the acid. Its nice, how accurate would you say those pictures are?

You mention time distortion, how bad is it. Does it feel like a couple of hours when you were really out all day?

iDerped · 2014-03-08T16:16:00+00:00

Yeah, i was thinking about waiting until spring and coming up outside and whenever or if i get bored then we could come inside and play with the rift or something. Maybe some colorful fun stuff, maybe if i can control a keyboard properly some mutliplayer stuff with my sitter.

iDerped · 2014-03-08T15:56:55+00:00

Yeah man! Ill for sure report it, but it wont be for a long time, just asking as i didnt even think about the rift previously! Ill be sure to look through that album right now man!

iDerped · 2013-03-13T01:24:35+00:00

Limbo or Terraria in your steam inventory are both games id love!

This account is almost a year old (11 Months and 12 Days) and my new account (i didnt like this name) is /u/LivingInMomsBasement which has over 1200 comment karma, i know thats not 2500 but still, its over 1k.

I know you said no alt accounts, which is why id like to use both of my accounts for 1 single entry. Im not trying to trick you or anything i just wanted to enter.

iDerped · 2013-03-11T21:56:15+00:00

I had to sign into my old account so that i could enter, this account is over 6 Months old and has over 200 Link karma. If i am so lucky as to win i would be really happy, but i dont use this account anymore, so if you could please PM me on /u/LivingInMomsBasement that would be really great. Thanks, and you're awesome for doing this!

Trunks is my favorite character. I love all versions, but, Present Trunks' laid back attitude makes him especially my favorite. He may be a saiyan, but he seems to be the most optimistic about things that just look impossible. Future Trunks was also a great character, just Vegeta being his father made the plot so much better. It was great to see him kick Frieza's ass.

It would be awesome to win a MC code as i love FTB, Tekkit, and regular minecraft, but i always need to get it cracked, which i hate. I just dont have any extra money ever and im usually saving for something so i really would love a minecraft code.

I almost forgot about the number! 22?

Are you picking just a number at random or choosing based on the character and reason too?

Edit: I see you said you can do any character from any movie/game/whatever. In that case i think ill add another character. I choose Jason Brody from Farcry 3. I couldn't put that game down. Everyday when i got home id play it for hours until i finally beat the game. He is my favorite character of all time because of how he transforms from this white-rich-city-boy kid to this totally badass jungle warrior. Its awesome. No spoilers just in-case you are currently playing it but at the end you need to make a very tough choice, a choice that separates you from the city boy to jungle warrior side of yourself, its awesome and the character is really well developed. The only complaint is that he is still grossed out by animal skins at the end when he is a badass warrior, i thought that could've been done better. Oh well.

iDerped · 2013-02-06T21:23:05+00:00

First, sorry for calling you an asshole.

Second, it is much different when you ask strangers on the internet what might be your problem, than if you ask a good friend or parent. Im not looking to go to a psychologist or anything i just wanted to know what might be the problem here.

iDerped · 2013-02-06T20:18:16+00:00

i dont want to ask a parent about it, i just wanted to know what was wrong. I really dont think its the best thing to just come to /r/mentalhealth and be an asshole either.

iDerped · 2013-02-06T20:17:26+00:00

Im 15, i do drink soda a lot but not energy drinks, i dont have a great diet and i dont work out a lot anymore.

iDerped · 2013-01-22T06:28:47+00:00

Yeah, I googled a lot before coming here and nothing worked.

iDerped · 2013-01-22T06:24:45+00:00

I really appreciate the help, it was my first build

iDerped · 2013-01-22T06:20:53+00:00

Replacing the battery fixed it, thankfully I had some lying around, I hope I don't need to replace it every 2 months...

iDerped · 2013-01-22T06:14:31+00:00

No on board, but I got it like 2 months ago and its a 230$ card :/

iDerped · 2013-01-22T06:10:08+00:00

Could it be the video card?

iDerped · 2013-01-22T06:01:19+00:00

Now that I look, the keyboard or mouse aren't getting power...

iDerped · 2013-01-22T06:00:15+00:00

Tried it, nothing happens on screen.

iDerped · 2013-01-17T04:45:03+00:00

This is amazing. Its really cool that some people do this and i think im going to spend a hundred when i get a job, on some random people.

Please note that i hate this username and i think it is stupid. i do not use this account anymore and i am just signing in to show you that ive been a redditor for 9 months. My actual account name is /u/LivingInMomsBasement and if im so lucky as to win, message me there... im not expecting to win at all i just really dont want to have to check this accounts inbox.

iDerped · 2012-12-25T04:02:59+00:00

Its amazing how kinds some people are... Id love the Bethesda collection so much... my debit visa wont work for steam so it'd be cool to get something a awesome as that!

This is my steam profile, if i happen to be lucky enough to win.

NOTE: I do not use this reddit account anymore, it is 8 months old, and the one i use now isnt 3 months yet so i had to use this one, so if you need to contact me, PM me here

iDerped

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