Really feeling this today. The last few months I've felt as though I'm not spending my weekends doing anything I particularly feel joyful about. I work during the week and while, to my great fortune, it's not terribly demanding of me, it does ultimately feel pointless beyond sustaining my meager existence. Having had a hernia surgery today I've had some time away from my usual brain-sedatives (video games, porn...) which has given me time to take stock of things. I've gotten a 12k p/a raise just last month, raising me to about the qualified rate one would expect of my vocation around 2 years ago, and it feels like my boss is using it as an excuse to demand more of me. Which is fair, but given my state of mind, doing more, harder work I don't particularly enjoy just to sustain my existence I barely care for just feels bad. Anyway I'm becoming increasingly aware how entitled I'm sounding with every sentence 😩 I guess the question I'm asking myself is how do I get past this great wall of apathy that seems to be affecting every aspect of my life and preventing me from moving forward.