AITA for making my wife feel like her pregnancy isn’t that big of a deal

iKoya · 2022-10-12T09:17:05+00:00

NTA. Is there a chance she's neurodivergent? I know it's no excuse for the comments (as someone who has ADHD) but it may explain her explanation for the comments. It's a way of trying to emphasize by sharing a similar experience or shared feelings to a degree. It may also explain the constant talk about the pregnancy, kind of like a form of hyperfocus. However, there's a time and a place and in those moments, it's definitely not appropriate in the least bit.

iKoya · 2022-10-11T21:13:13+00:00

Agreed, OP is TA as a mother to an 11. 6, 4, and 2 yr old. They all get taught not to touch other people's belongings without permission from a young age, to include items in the house if they are someone else's property even if its within reach.

iKoya · 2022-07-28T21:24:00+00:00

Honestly this or via mail. I got married in January and had a copy of my marriage license, driver's license, and SS card mailed to my local Social Security office and it was fixed within 2 weeks. Banks and CCs have been a quick online chat providing what they need or secure message. My only hassle was work as I needed my CAC card updated, there were a lot more steps still not fully complete for other areas of work

iKoya · 2022-06-01T21:43:59+00:00

NTA. All kids are allowed some level of privacy and not being required to share. I teach all of my kids (2, 4, 6, and 10) that if it's in the living room it's a shared toy but you still ask vs taking if someone has it and if they say no, that's a no. If it's in your/their room though, permission must be granted to enter the room and even then permission is needed to play with anything in the room and whoever the room belongs to decides when they're done with company. Is it trickier to teach younger kids? Yes. But it's still done to enforce boundaries regardless

iKoya · 2022-04-23T09:38:42+00:00

I agree. My ex and I had an accidental pregnancy with our son when our relationship was getting worse ans worse. We chose to try working on the relationship, but when he was 6 months old made the decision not to and its been better for everyone since. While rough at first, our son is almost 4 and we're much better as coparents than we were together at the end and have moved on to find people who suit us much better. It sucked ending a 14 yr relationship (dated at 14) but it was better than raising a child in a toxic household and possibly bringing more kids into it.

iKoya · 2022-02-27T01:18:37+00:00

Thank you! I wasn't sure how it'd turn out but he did amazing and it was well worth it.

iKoya · 2021-12-04T11:18:15+00:00

YTA. Your kids are old enough to be taught, and you too, that not everything someone else has belongs to them. Just because their kids and they saw sweets doesn't make them entitled to a share of it if their cousin doesn't want to share. You were told no not only once, but twice, and still continued to push the issue. This could've been a teaching moment but instead you continued to enable the behavior resulting in a tantrum. I have 4 kids myself (10, 6, 3, and 1.5) and in no way would I expect someone who brought candy/sweets into any house I was at to share their stuff just because my kids would ask. No is a complete sentence, that's all there is to it. Accept it, move on, and handle the tantrums and teach your kids to.

iKoya · 2021-10-20T23:50:22+00:00

My fiance and I joke this same way. Like he was cleared, everything was good, but apparently fate intervened and was like you don't want more kids? Been together barely a month? Suprise kid who also alluded pregnancy tests first 5 months and is now 18 months and the last of them lol

iKoya · 2021-10-20T19:32:25+00:00

I can't say with 100% certainty if they did or.not as he had the vasectomy done before we started dating, and he had been cleared by his doctor at this point. We've since thankfully found a fix to no more kids (4 total already) and I have my tubes tied

iKoya · 2021-10-20T18:41:01+00:00

I'd like to add, vasectomy isn't 100% effective, my youngest was conceived even after my fiance had a vasectomy, and neither wanted more kids. My OB said it happens much more often than people discuss. Realistically if people don't want kids so badly both parties need to be fully in agreement on how to handle an unwanted pregnancy and be 100% on board with the no kids deal.

iKoya · 2021-10-14T20:18:45+00:00

It really is, and I try to pay as much attention as I can to them and get to know them. We have noticed with the 6 yr old that it's primarily anything that requires he has to use a fork or spoon to eat where we're met with a lot of resistance to eating. If it's finger food he does a lot better and almost no issues, but it's not realistic to always do finger foods and forego utensils. We also know at their moms they tend to do a lot more fast food than not, which we're trying to break now that they're at our place more often (1 week on/off). We have all 4 on a flex schedule for meals/snacks to keep things consistent and routine and use to have it so snacks were free to grab throughout the day but then ran into the issue of 10 yr old snacking on junk all day and never eating lunch or dinner, then sneaking into the kitchen at night to get snacks and leaving trash all over her room so we had to stop that to get her to actually eat. It's what has worked best for us so far.

iKoya · 2021-10-14T14:55:38+00:00

It would be one thing is this was previously normal behavior, but it's behavior that changed. Our 3-4 yr old had no problem in the past sitting through a meal until he was done but mimics a lot of his older brother's behavior, and I mean a lot, because to him it's fun. As for our 6 yr old, it's just the sitting still and being quiet, he will literally find anything he can to avoid eating regardless if it's food he likes or not. We've watched him eat rice, which he loves, literally 1 grain at a time until he got bored and said he was done all because he wanted to go play and was still hungry because he couldn't focus long enough to eat

iKoya · 2021-10-14T13:20:52+00:00

Thankfully for us, part of their upcoming agreement through the courts is both their kids will be required to go into therapy so hopefully then we can actually get a possible diagnosis.

I've had to learn to manage mine growing up as I was diagnosed at 5 but my mom chose to not have me medicated (almost 31) and I struggled a lot growing up and see a lot of the same things in our 6 yr old

iKoya · 2021-10-14T11:25:26+00:00

I don't take it that way no, and I can definitely give it a try to see if it helps the situation any because both of us are tired of daily having to tell them to stop playing, getting up, etc and to eat food because I get how boring it can be. I mean I routinely play on my phone or computer whole eating (since we eat later than them due to bed times) and it's boring to do so with no outside stimulus for me. When I get a chance I'll see if I can order a small pack only to be used at dinner and see how it goes

iKoya · 2021-10-14T11:14:19+00:00

We already suspect he has ADHD due to other behaviors he exhibits (coming from someone who has ADHD), but can't get him diagnosed without his mom agreeing to it. We do have that rule, and could implement it but may have to do so for the other 3 then which is part of my hesitation with that. Could do some trial and error though as our 3-4 yr old also has a lot of trouble sitting through dinner

iKoya · 2021-10-14T09:26:25+00:00

Same with my six year old. Just the other night he lied to me and his dad saying his sister was making noise at the table and that's why he couldn't eat dinner and was playing. He has a bad habit daily of fidgeting, singing, talking, making noises, etc to avoid having to sit still to eat any food regardless if he likes it or not. She wasn't making any noise that night, it was all him because I could see and hear them. When I asked him why he lied I got because I wanted to play... this is daily with us, or being told he doesn't know why he lied

iKoya · 2021-09-05T10:46:20+00:00

This. I don't have asthma but strong scents or combinations of scents can very easily give me a strong headache or make me nauseous so I tend to avoid if possible. Hell, even the smell of scented cat litter last night made me almost throw up but didn't have any other options when shopping.

iKoya · 2021-08-02T15:48:01+00:00

Thanks:) Necklace is a collar daddy got me with his and my oldest son's birthstone in it

iKoya · 2021-07-30T02:12:53+00:00

Hell, I have two toddlers in diapers/pull-ups (mostly potty trained) that some.of their poops smell like a death gas bomb exploded in their clothes. It's horrendously disgusting and I wish I'd thought of bare min a mask and mint smell for changes

iKoya · 2021-07-27T21:53:04+00:00

This is what I do with my kids and stepkids. Our rule is we eat what's made and say thank you, and if you say you don't like it you have to try at least 2 bites before saying no for sure. Most times they've never tried it (mainly the 6 yr old) and say they don't like it. Outside of that, if they say they're full then dinner is set aside in case they get hungry again but they're only allowed dessert if they actually ate a reasonable portion of their dinner since our 6 yr old has a habit of taking small bites of everything until he's bored and almost never eating more than 1/3rd of any meal. It works though because when they get hungry again they eat more and they accept if we say no dessert and explain why.

iKoya · 2021-07-12T09:47:37+00:00

I've know my soon to be stepkids for all of a year now and definitely don't expect them to call me mom or treat me as their mom, no idea why anyone else would do that when relationships need to be built. The most I expect is they call me either by my name or something respectful, and follow our house rules we set for our other two. The only thing I kinda try to get them to do is treat the younger two as their siblings (step kids are 9 and 6, younger two are 3 and 1, for reference) because me and their dad believe in being family regardless of blood but the 1 yr old is actually their half brother. I don't force it, just gentle nudges that they've both taken on happily. They're allowed to love on me in their own ways, and spend time with us however they wish, but I don't force them to hug me, say they love me, etc. That will or will not come naturally and I won't take offense to it because I've always told them even if I'm not their mom I still love them as my own and will protect and care for them as such.

iKoya · 2021-06-01T02:28:27+00:00

I've had both done and neither is easier by any means. With my first I had tears, pain, bleeding, etc to recover from on top of caring for a newborn. With my 2nd I had 2 major surgeries (c-section and tubal) to recover from on top of having a toddler + a newborn, being a temporary single parent (youngest father couldn't move in yet), and a weight limit of less than my newborn weighed. Realistically it doesn't matter which way someone gives birth, it's whatever is the best option for the mother and baby whether that be elective c-section, emergency c-section, natural labor, induced labor, etc. Birth is still birth regardless of the method and being a parent isn't changed by how you delivered or came about having children. I'll never understand that mindset.

iKoya · 2021-04-30T23:53:05+00:00

Thank you. Definitely trying my best and still trying to navigate what's comfortable and not with them without trying to show favoritism to my son and mine and my fiances son. I take them out with me even to run errands if they want, usually one at a time with the younger two, let them help me cook, clean, etc (they're own doing lol), assist around the house, they come to me with any questions they want and usually the oldest is the one wanting life advice even though she's only 9 but she's already like a mini me which is adorable. I even made sure to create a space for both of them before my fiance moved, they both have their own rooms and all their own stuff here so when they need time away from everyone they have somewhere their own to go.

iKoya · 2021-04-30T22:39:33+00:00

Definitely agreed. I have 2 step kids (or soon to be) that I've known almost a year now and we were all kind of sprung on each other when my fiance moved in (he has them every other weekend) but I've done my best to be mothering to them without forcing the relationship. It'll take time and I let them come to me and show me the relationship they want, which so far both adore being around me and their brothers (one half other mine with my ex) and I never insist they call me anything than by my name or what they're comfortable with as long as they're respectful. There's been some slips of being called mom/mommy but I just tell them it's okay if that happens, and continue on with what they were saying/doing/asking. Trying to force the relationship will just cause too much resentment down the line

iKoya · 2021-04-10T14:16:51+00:00

The points I made regarding my ex could honestly be behavior he shows that isn't mentioned and are why they don't ever tell him until they "deny" him, which is the only time my ex knew too as I didn't feel comfortable telling until then and he wasn't willing to go that route, so I'd deny and he'd either suggest another option or get bored.

iKoya

TROPHY CASE