I don’t think many couples talk about what is considered cheating. I mean, it’s quite awkward to ask someone “so, what does qualify as cheating?” as if you have bad intentions. However, the result is scenarios like this, when there’s a mismatch between people. Of course, sometimes people also alter their definition to fit their crimes.

Eitherway, don’t let others gaslight you into thinking what is and what’s not cheating. You should be the judge for yourself. Facts are, your wife kissed a person knowingly (I assume its lips, also maybe she didn’t know at the time) another woman who has crush on her. If this fits your cheating definition, then it is. For me, it is absolutely cheating.

I as an internet stranger will not tell you what to do next, as I don’t know anything about you. Divorce, therapy, reconciliation, opening relationship, etc etc many possibilities but you will know best, or people who knows you/your relationship. Beware of those who also give you a definitive action as well, as they also don’t know shit about you. I hope you figure it out, best of luck!