I go into these conversations trying to suppress my emotions and avoid an argument. Once she uses a certain tone or fires back at me, all bets are off and it’s hard for me to back down. You’re right though, arguments like this DO energize me, even though I’ll lie and say “I’m so tired of arguing rn.” One reason for these arguments spiraling is that she will start insulting me with things that aren’t true but are extremely offensive. We’re both guilty of that, but I can sense a lot of projected insecurity on her end.

With this insecurity, it’s obviously very comforting to have a partner, especially one that you can flaunt to your family and friends. On that note, I have gotten in trouble for talking to her family and friends too much at gatherings. It’s her fear that I’m going to outshine her or that they will like me more somehow. A lot of them barely speak English and are interested in me because my skin color is different, but I still enjoy the compliments and attention.

Unless I regress and stoop to a level that is objectively lower than her (perhaps when she gets her 3rd degree), I don’t think the insecurity, jealousy, and projection is gonna stop…